There are these amazing,
mind quieting moments
I sometimes experience.
They can only last perhaps
a couple of hours, or my mind
shivers and shakes and it can't stand
the blooming openness of that moment.
In these moments I am me
in the vastness of everything that
could be or would be
and the universe is flowing through
just me
and I don't feel anything in these moments,
just a bit of lightness,
a complete, unbreakable openness.
I don't feel deep black fear, or the stark
whiteness of loneliness.
Yet bits and pieces of the monster inside me
are taken out and put into something
concrete and visible.
I wish with all my giant, full-blooded heart
that I could feel like this forever and always.
Then there would be no beast,
no fear, no black hole of desire
or betrayal.
I wouldn't feel like a jar of
sealed tight me
that not even the strong man of the show
could twist open.
I'd finally have freedom.