sometimes, I look at you in the mirror, and it's all I can do
to remember that you are not a ghost.
most days, though, it feels that way.
like everything repeats itself, over and over.
like we're the ones slowly fading away amidst it all.
I go to work and I go back to somewhere I can not call home --
and I sleep, and wake, and do it all over again.
sometimes, I remember to make food, to eat.
and this tired, endless cycle continues.
You have friends, of course. You have a family.
But I've started counting them away by distance.
By how many months or years it's been since I've last seen them.
By how many weeks since I've last heard them.
I feel haunted by the reminder of it:
By the echoes of memories in everything I see, or touch.
By the aching remnants of absence left behind.
If all you were was a mirage of other people's constructs,
you'd be gone, by now.
you'd have melded away into the background,
like unappealing drapery.
there'd be nothing left to keep you real.
But I still get up in the morning. Go into work.
React to the incidents around me as if I care.
I'm still here, listlessly drifting.
There are things I want to do, someday.
Someone I want to become, someday.
People I want to see again, someday.
so we're still here, you and I.
adrift, until we can find a stable anchor.
something concrete enough to stop you haunting me.
Jan 2, 2022
Jan 2, 2022 at 8:15 AM UTC
sometimes, I look at you in the mirror, and it's all I can do
to remember that you are not a ghost.
most days, though, it feels that way.
like everything repeats itself, over and over.
like we're the ones slowly fading away amidst it all.
I go to work and I go back to somewhere I can not call home --
and I sleep, and wake, and do it all over again.
sometimes, I remember to make food, to eat.
and this tired, endless cycle continues.
You have friends, of course. You have a family.
But I've started counting them away by distance.
By how many months or years it's been since I've last seen them.
By how many weeks since I've last heard them.
I feel haunted by the reminder of it:
By the echoes of memories in everything I see, or touch.
By the aching remnants of absence left behind.
If all you were was a mirage of other people's constructs,
you'd be gone, by now.
you'd have melded away into the background,
like unappealing drapery.
there'd be nothing left to keep you real.
But I still get up in the morning. Go into work.
React to the incidents around me as if I care.
I'm still here, listlessly drifting.
There are things I want to do, someday.
Someone I want to become, someday.
People I want to see again, someday.
so we're still here, you and I.
adrift, until we can find a stable anchor.
something concrete enough to stop you haunting me.