I never thought the day would come
Where I hated you more than I ever loved you
I searched and searched for a trace of love
in my body for you
But nothing is there anymore
I gave you four years of love
and you drained me drier than dried dryer sheets
My life with you was a lie I will struggle to forgive for infinity
You were the man of my dreams
You looked past my larger exterior
And saw me
You said I was beautiful
You said I was special
You said I wasn’t like any other woman you'd dated before
You said I was different
That set my 22-year-old heart ablaze
A man, a grown man, saw me as a woman
You knew I didn’t understand love
But you said I was good
I knew I had a good heart,
And you tightened your grip once it was in your hands
I gave you my body
Remember?
And I couldn’t stop after the first time
And you knew that.
Maybe I needed a stronger prescription
Because I just couldn’t see the pedestal I put you on
was in fact the thin line between love and hate
I overlooked so many of your red flags
And saw you as different than the rest
Ironically, I never had anyone to compare you to
All you ever had to say was, “I know, but let’s move forward, mama.”
I believed every word out of your mouth
You promised me a lifestyle where I could get whatever I wanted
And you’d be willing to do anything
You knew my heart was a white rose
So genuine, so delicate, so innocent
But you took my fears and blinded me to them
No more anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts
Body image issues
Nothing
I believed I was well taken care of
But time had stopped, and you did too
You were no longer the man I fell in love with
But rather somebody that I used to know
I was no longer the apple of your eye
I was nothing to you but what all the others were
Maybe that was something I knew
But just couldn’t accept until it was dead in my face
I can’t remember everything
And for you, that might be a good thing
I feel so disconnected from my body
I may as well be a weak Wifi connection
While you play innocent, I’m actually the victim
I loved you so much that I lost my mind trying to figure out what was wrong
Trying to figure out if I was wrong
Now I find it hard to concentrate on what really matters
I hate the way men look at me
Do they know what you said to me?
Did they see what I did for you?
Or are they just like you too?
Accepting that this relationship and marriage wasn’t real
and meant nothing has been hard
You were all I knew
But I wasn’t your only option
You made that clear many times
I can’t even see you as someone who needs retribution or help
But rather someone who deserves to be discarded
The same way you discarded my white rose
I regret swiping right on you
I wish I could warn my 22-year-old self not to even entertain you
Or give someone like you chance, after chance, after chance
I know I was a lot
I know I had my moments
But I never had to pretend I had a good heart
I was always a good person
That you never deserved
I don’t know who I will love next
But I know he will be everything I need and more
He’ll love me forreal and out loud and he’ll be proud
I truly don’t care about what will happen to you next
I just want what it is I rightfully deserve
While you spot your next victim
5/11/2025
-Mia J
© 2025 Mia J
Sep 16, 2025
Sep 16, 2025 at 8:23 PM UTC
I never thought the day would come
Where I hated you more than I ever loved you
I searched and searched for a trace of love
in my body for you
But nothing is there anymore
I gave you four years of love
and you drained me drier than dried dryer sheets
My life with you was a lie I will struggle to forgive for infinity
You were the man of my dreams
You looked past my larger exterior
And saw me
You said I was beautiful
You said I was special
You said I wasn’t like any other woman you'd dated before
You said I was different
That set my 22-year-old heart ablaze
A man, a grown man, saw me as a woman
You knew I didn’t understand love
But you said I was good
I knew I had a good heart,
And you tightened your grip once it was in your hands
I gave you my body
Remember?
And I couldn’t stop after the first time
And you knew that.
Maybe I needed a stronger prescription
Because I just couldn’t see the pedestal I put you on
was in fact the thin line between love and hate
I overlooked so many of your red flags
And saw you as different than the rest
Ironically, I never had anyone to compare you to
All you ever had to say was, “I know, but let’s move forward, mama.”
I believed every word out of your mouth
You promised me a lifestyle where I could get whatever I wanted
And you’d be willing to do anything
You knew my heart was a white rose
So genuine, so delicate, so innocent
But you took my fears and blinded me to them
No more anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts
Body image issues
Nothing
I believed I was well taken care of
But time had stopped, and you did too
You were no longer the man I fell in love with
But rather somebody that I used to know
I was no longer the apple of your eye
I was nothing to you but what all the others were
Maybe that was something I knew
But just couldn’t accept until it was dead in my face
I can’t remember everything
And for you, that might be a good thing
I feel so disconnected from my body
I may as well be a weak Wifi connection
While you play innocent, I’m actually the victim
I loved you so much that I lost my mind trying to figure out what was wrong
Trying to figure out if I was wrong
Now I find it hard to concentrate on what really matters
I hate the way men look at me
Do they know what you said to me?
Did they see what I did for you?
Or are they just like you too?
Accepting that this relationship and marriage wasn’t real
and meant nothing has been hard
You were all I knew
But I wasn’t your only option
You made that clear many times
I can’t even see you as someone who needs retribution or help
But rather someone who deserves to be discarded
The same way you discarded my white rose
I regret swiping right on you
I wish I could warn my 22-year-old self not to even entertain you
Or give someone like you chance, after chance, after chance
I know I was a lot
I know I had my moments
But I never had to pretend I had a good heart
I was always a good person
That you never deserved
I don’t know who I will love next
But I know he will be everything I need and more
He’ll love me forreal and out loud and he’ll be proud
I truly don’t care about what will happen to you next
I just want what it is I rightfully deserve
While you spot your next victim
5/11/2025
-Mia J
© 2025 Mia J
This poem was composed in May 2025.
Request permission to use this poem