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RaijannaPoems
The Safe Place No One Sees Maybe if someone read this, they would think it was poetry. But it isn’t really poetry. It is just what my heart sounds like when it is tired. I feel like I don’t have a voice anymore. Only water. Only tears that read the words for me when I can’t speak them out loud. My tears flow like rivers. I pray. I pray and pray and pray. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m asking God for anymore. Sometimes I just talk because I need Him to hear me. Because I need someone to hear me. I stay here, watching life happen, trying to understand what is really going on. But I am tired. I am tired. I am tired. I am tired. Still… I know I cannot give up. Even if sometimes I want to rest my head and disappear into sleep forever. Something keeps me breathing. Maybe it is God. The God with wisdom deeper than anything, the one who hears prayers of sorrow and prayers of healing. Maybe He is the reason I am still here. People say when you go through the worst struggle, the deepest pain, it means something is coming. They say it is preparing you for the life you always dreamed about. The better life you always hoped for. But right now I feel lost. Lost between faith and exhaustion. I cry because I don’t want to keep pretending. Every day I pretend. I pretend that I am happy. I pretend that I am okay. I pretend that everything is fine. But deep down I know the truth. I am not okay. Sometimes I just want to sleep and not wake up. So I ask God, What am I supposed to do? Because sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I feel unloved. But the truth is… I do have friends. I really do. I have many friends. I even help strangers online, people I have never met. I love helping people. God knows that. I love making people smile. I love complimenting people. I love checking on them. I love listening to them with my full attention. When someone is hurting, I want to help them. When someone feels alone, I want to be there. I like being that person. The safe place. The sister. The big sister. The home people run to when they need comfort. And I love it. I truly do. But sometimes, quietly, a question appears in my heart. If I help everyone… Why does it sometimes feel like no one helps me? Why do I feel like I am always the one who has to talk first? Why do I feel like I am always the one who checks on everyone? And **** That hurts. It hurts more than I can explain. But I try to be fair. Because I know something too. My friends do care about me. Some of them check on me. Not every day, but when they have time. They say things like, “You know you can tell me anything.” “I’m here for you.” “You’re not alone.” “You have me.” “You have us.” And I see it. I really do see it. I know they love me. So I don’t want it to seem like they are not there. Because they are. But sometimes when your mind gets darker and darker, even when you know people love you, your mind makes it disappear. It makes you feel alone anyway. Even when you are not. I used to be very talkative. I still am, in a way. But lately I don’t talk like I used to. I keep everything inside. Everything is bottled up. Because when I used to talk about my pain, it felt like people didn’t give the same attention that I give them. And I know you cannot expect people to give the same attention you give them. That’s not how life works. But still… it hurts. So slowly I stopped talking. I stopped explaining my pain. And now something strange has happened. I don’t even remember everything anymore. My trauma. My pain. It’s like my mind buried it somewhere because it didn’t know what to do with it. The pain is still there. But the words are gone. And sometimes I don’t know how to speak anymore. I don’t know how to say what my heart is carrying. I don’t want to worry my friends. I don’t want them to carry my pain too. When they smile at me, when they tell me their stories, their problems, their sadness, it actually makes me happy. Because they trust me. They see me as their safe place. Their home. Their sister. And I love that. I don’t want to lose that part of me. I don’t want my pain to destroy the person I am. Because my heart is a loving heart. I love people. I love helping them. I don’t wish my pain on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. But sometimes the weight of everything sits on my chest. And I feel like I cannot carry it anymore. So I pray again. Because God is my safe place. When everything feels too heavy, my heart runs to Him. Even when I don’t understand. Even when I am tired. Even when I feel lost. I still pray. Because maybe somewhere beyond all this exhaustion, beyond the tears, beyond the silence, God is still holding me here. Still keeping me breathing. Still keeping me alive. And maybe one day someone will look at me the same way I have always looked at everyone else. And say, “You don’t have to carry everything alone.”
0
Mar 12
Mar 12, 2026 at 9:11 AM UTC
THE SAFE PLACE NO ONE SEES
The Safe Place No One Sees Maybe if someone read this, they would think it was poetry. But it isn’t really poetry. It is just what my heart sounds like when it is tired. I feel like I don’t have a voice anymore. Only water. Only tears that read the words for me when I can’t speak them out loud. My tears flow like rivers. I pray. I pray and pray and pray. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m asking God for anymore. Sometimes I just talk because I need Him to hear me. Because I need someone to hear me. I stay here, watching life happen, trying to understand what is really going on. But I am tired. I am tired. I am tired. I am tired. Still… I know I cannot give up. Even if sometimes I want to rest my head and disappear into sleep forever. Something keeps me breathing. Maybe it is God. The God with wisdom deeper than anything, the one who hears prayers of sorrow and prayers of healing. Maybe He is the reason I am still here. People say when you go through the worst struggle, the deepest pain, it means something is coming. They say it is preparing you for the life you always dreamed about. The better life you always hoped for. But right now I feel lost. Lost between faith and exhaustion. I cry because I don’t want to keep pretending. Every day I pretend. I pretend that I am happy. I pretend that I am okay. I pretend that everything is fine. But deep down I know the truth. I am not okay. Sometimes I just want to sleep and not wake up. So I ask God, What am I supposed to do? Because sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I feel unloved. But the truth is… I do have friends. I really do. I have many friends. I even help strangers online, people I have never met. I love helping people. God knows that. I love making people smile. I love complimenting people. I love checking on them. I love listening to them with my full attention. When someone is hurting, I want to help them. When someone feels alone, I want to be there. I like being that person. The safe place. The sister. The big sister. The home people run to when they need comfort. And I love it. I truly do. But sometimes, quietly, a question appears in my heart. If I help everyone… Why does it sometimes feel like no one helps me? Why do I feel like I am always the one who has to talk first? Why do I feel like I am always the one who checks on everyone? And **** That hurts. It hurts more than I can explain. But I try to be fair. Because I know something too. My friends do care about me. Some of them check on me. Not every day, but when they have time. They say things like, “You know you can tell me anything.” “I’m here for you.” “You’re not alone.” “You have me.” “You have us.” And I see it. I really do see it. I know they love me. So I don’t want it to seem like they are not there. Because they are. But sometimes when your mind gets darker and darker, even when you know people love you, your mind makes it disappear. It makes you feel alone anyway. Even when you are not. I used to be very talkative. I still am, in a way. But lately I don’t talk like I used to. I keep everything inside. Everything is bottled up. Because when I used to talk about my pain, it felt like people didn’t give the same attention that I give them. And I know you cannot expect people to give the same attention you give them. That’s not how life works. But still… it hurts. So slowly I stopped talking. I stopped explaining my pain. And now something strange has happened. I don’t even remember everything anymore. My trauma. My pain. It’s like my mind buried it somewhere because it didn’t know what to do with it. The pain is still there. But the words are gone. And sometimes I don’t know how to speak anymore. I don’t know how to say what my heart is carrying. I don’t want to worry my friends. I don’t want them to carry my pain too. When they smile at me, when they tell me their stories, their problems, their sadness, it actually makes me happy. Because they trust me. They see me as their safe place. Their home. Their sister. And I love that. I don’t want to lose that part of me. I don’t want my pain to destroy the person I am. Because my heart is a loving heart. I love people. I love helping them. I don’t wish my pain on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. But sometimes the weight of everything sits on my chest. And I feel like I cannot carry it anymore. So I pray again. Because God is my safe place. When everything feels too heavy, my heart runs to Him. Even when I don’t understand. Even when I am tired. Even when I feel lost. I still pray. Because maybe somewhere beyond all this exhaustion, beyond the tears, beyond the silence, God is still holding me here. Still keeping me breathing. Still keeping me alive. And maybe one day someone will look at me the same way I have always looked at everyone else. And say, “You don’t have to carry everything alone.”
I'm just a little lost and tired and that's why I feel so alone
Written by
Raijanna
Mar 12
Mar 12, 2026 at 9:11 AM UTC
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