dressed for my own funeral again
black suit and tie, I've died so many times without amends
I can't count the ways I've started over and then
the shadows of wasted loves show teeth and rend
cracking my spine in convulsing shakes chewing on faith that breaks
and it takes all of my fleeting strength to out swim the wakes
the drowning, dingy echoes of fake affection and birthday cakes
when there was no connection between us but the quakes
and you don't know who I am now in my disparity
any more than I remember who I set out to be
stressed and smoking too often, new nails in the coffin
black tar and coughing because the fists never soften
beaten so bad my heart won't beat if I can hear you talking
on the other end of a phone when the tears aren't stopping
the eulogy for a wasted man sounds like loved one's bitter tones
that don't understand that a dead man is free from what caring owns
and the soil not drinking one tear won't notice one more set of bones
but in the darkness, the silence, the solitude, I'll bury what my demons condone
to the praises of others you raised us but you were no mother
handing out soul snuffing black eyes that still won't let me recover
why did it have to be you; wicked you, split in two and not another?
schizophrenic, stick it in and twist it, breaking me and a lonely brother
it's you I'm burying in this soil
because I'm half you so I too and spoiled
like you, I am halved by my bipolar turmoil
giving up on surviving anymore with this blood that boils
ashes to ashes
dust to dust
the last of my crashes
because burying you is my final lust