I found myself, once, longing,
To be hated by you.
To feel the burning shame of guilt,
I won't say any more about feelings,
Because that place,
I'd occupy without them,
To see this nonsense through.
So few people seem to really give a ****
And you actually do.
You really do.
Maybe if I wished too much for you
To love and respect me,
To see me as as a friend,
then maybe I risk the capacity to be hated by you, as well.
but I tend to see you as a force of nature.
If you ever began to love me, as I hope,
Then I have to realize,
Your capacity to hate me would also materialize.
And, like a force of nature, I know,
You would spare me: Nothing.
Help me: Not.
Trust me: Never.
but you would do nothing to me
Out of malice or for ego or for personal gain.
And I would have to trust,
With a child's trust, happily,
even to my death,
That it was better to be loved
by a force of nature,
Regardless of pleasure or pain,
Beyond reproach or false intent.
Aug 29, 2014
Aug 29, 2014 at 3:41 PM UTC
I found myself, once, longing,
To be hated by you.
To feel the burning shame of guilt,
I won't say any more about feelings,
Because that place,
I'd occupy without them,
To see this nonsense through.
So few people seem to really give a ****
And you actually do.
You really do.
Maybe if I wished too much for you
To love and respect me,
To see me as as a friend,
then maybe I risk the capacity to be hated by you, as well.
but I tend to see you as a force of nature.
If you ever began to love me, as I hope,
Then I have to realize,
Your capacity to hate me would also materialize.
And, like a force of nature, I know,
You would spare me: Nothing.
Help me: Not.
Trust me: Never.
but you would do nothing to me
Out of malice or for ego or for personal gain.
And I would have to trust,
With a child's trust, happily,
even to my death,
That it was better to be loved
by a force of nature,
Regardless of pleasure or pain,
Beyond reproach or false intent.
Hear this, read by the author:
https://soundcloud.com/warmphase/force-of-nature
2 June 2014: love, trust, loyalty, and the equal capacity for hate( also spelled 'dishonesty' , 'indifference', you name it). This is a work-in-progress. Make a suggestion, if you wish. It is still half nuts and bolts. Something like this can be written in a thirty minute flurry, left alone for months, read sporadically with disdain, dropped again and again, nearly abandoned, until I load it up with fresh eyes one day and it falls together, bit by bit, with each subsequent reading. A new concept can enter into it, fictionalizing inspiration into a new creation. Will it have wings? Who knows. Maybe it doesn't matter, so long as it is coherent enough to register on the human mind and heart with a reasonable signal-to-noise ratio.
