I thought that saying goodbye,
would be the hardest thing to say to you.
And in a way it was,
but in another it wasn't.
It felt sad; it felt exhilarating.
I thought that love, all kinds,
meant giving you're all to someone.
But it doesn't, it means something more.
It means that you give them a piece
of yourself for them to cherish,
and they do the same.
But you can't give something away,
that doesn't exist.
I didn't understand at first,
but now I do.
I never loved myself,
I loved you.
I used to feel I would die
with joy from being around you.
*And then I woke up one morning,
and I realized that I did die.*
That the every miniscule piece of who I was,
had ceased to exist.
I realized that I was empty,
and always had been.
*So instead of killing myself for your love,
I lived for my own.*
And now I drive around,
listening to Tom Petty,
wearing red lipstick;
lips wrapped around the back half of a cigarette..
And I am so happy.
I feel free.
I feel like I can conquer anything,
because I escaped a painful death;
a death by you.
But then it was time to say "Hello again.."
and it was harder than goodbye.
It brang back the memories of sadness.
Of lonliness.
Of being afraid.
Then the moment passed...
And I still feel free.