With every ounce of pain caused,
I’ve carried it with me.
Creating a memoir,
A House of Memories.
Never forgetting a thing,
Just becoming more weighed down.
Suffocating from the burdens
As if I might drown.
It’s like I can’t let it go,
Like I can’t leave it behind.
Forever dwelling on the pain
I’ve out-ran so many times.
As if each occurrence
Was another brick, more weight.
Which is why my chest feels so heavy,
Filled with heartache.
My heart has built a house
To shelter the pain.
Keeping it sealed behind its four walls
So it can never escape.
So each day I can remind myself
The failure that I’ve been,
Letting the voices in my head taunt me.
They always win.
This house is dark, each corner
And hallway filled with hurt.
Each room filled with hate and disgust.
There’s no room for self-worth.
Capturing all my mistakes
Lined on the many walls.
So, each day I keep reminiscing,
Replaying them all.
Depending on the ones,
I still feel the regret, some shame:
And some still cut so deep,
It still carries a sting of pain.
This house isn’t easily moved,
Standing sure and firm on the ground.
Making it certain I remain captive,
Forever bringing myself down.
But today I’m standing within these walls,
Looking back on each memory.
Desperately trying to find a way out
Of reliving this misery.
Yes, they were all lessons.
There’s nothing I regret.;
But it doesn’t make it any easier
To move on and forget.
Yet, nothing works.
I honestly don’t know what else I can do.
I can’t leave this place behind
No matter how hard I try to.
Then it hits me.
I know exactly how to make this go away.
How to set myself free
From this never-ending shame.
Taking one last look, I strike a match,
Letting it hit the ground.
Watching this house of memories
And myself burn to the ground.
The blaze rising higher and higher,
Fully engulfing all around me.
In just a few moments, it will all be over.
I will be free.
The flames make their way over,
Spreading across every inch of my skin.
I sigh my last breath. Relief.
I never have to feel this pain again.
10/26/24
Jan 17
Jan 17, 2026 at 4:06 PM UTC
With every ounce of pain caused,
I’ve carried it with me.
Creating a memoir,
A House of Memories.
Never forgetting a thing,
Just becoming more weighed down.
Suffocating from the burdens
As if I might drown.
It’s like I can’t let it go,
Like I can’t leave it behind.
Forever dwelling on the pain
I’ve out-ran so many times.
As if each occurrence
Was another brick, more weight.
Which is why my chest feels so heavy,
Filled with heartache.
My heart has built a house
To shelter the pain.
Keeping it sealed behind its four walls
So it can never escape.
So each day I can remind myself
The failure that I’ve been,
Letting the voices in my head taunt me.
They always win.
This house is dark, each corner
And hallway filled with hurt.
Each room filled with hate and disgust.
There’s no room for self-worth.
Capturing all my mistakes
Lined on the many walls.
So, each day I keep reminiscing,
Replaying them all.
Depending on the ones,
I still feel the regret, some shame:
And some still cut so deep,
It still carries a sting of pain.
This house isn’t easily moved,
Standing sure and firm on the ground.
Making it certain I remain captive,
Forever bringing myself down.
But today I’m standing within these walls,
Looking back on each memory.
Desperately trying to find a way out
Of reliving this misery.
Yes, they were all lessons.
There’s nothing I regret.;
But it doesn’t make it any easier
To move on and forget.
Yet, nothing works.
I honestly don’t know what else I can do.
I can’t leave this place behind
No matter how hard I try to.
Then it hits me.
I know exactly how to make this go away.
How to set myself free
From this never-ending shame.
Taking one last look, I strike a match,
Letting it hit the ground.
Watching this house of memories
And myself burn to the ground.
The blaze rising higher and higher,
Fully engulfing all around me.
In just a few moments, it will all be over.
I will be free.
The flames make their way over,
Spreading across every inch of my skin.
I sigh my last breath. Relief.
I never have to feel this pain again.
10/26/24
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