the reporters kept going on and on
about how shocked they were that
the cold had come after the hottest
summer on record- didn't they
know that nothing lasts forever?
i refused to put shoes on, which
didn't matter much since i wasn't
making it out of bed most days
saving you was ruining me, and
then like magic- **** you were
gone, but the smell of your decay
stuck to my skin like the smell
of your american spirits
i drew out the demons slowly,
agonizing over each lost smoke-
wanting to really feel the
**** i scraped off of my insides
i kept picturing you, shaking
because your body couldn't live
without 7&7's - christ, who had
you become? still, your eyes were
the same, but the look you gave
me had changed, and maybe my
eyes told a different story now too
i sang sad songs to the mountains
as the sun went to sleep, tears
came one at a time, but the silence
was deafening
time spent staring at nothing as
i traveled elsewhere in memories,
whether they were real or dreams
i still can't be sure
i looked back at myself and read,
"i remember when i was lost and
confused." how ironic and presumptuous
i had been, how little i had understood
about life, about how change happens-
through acute, exhausting, and
harrowing pain
i thought that i could give away pieces
of myself and still remain living,
but scooping your soul out
is so much easier than filling it