I'm afraid that it's not just a habit you confessed
that it had become a compulsion.
For when it all becomes too much
that thin blade and your skin become one
you were so embarrased to tell me
hated giving away your secrets even then
I was so uneasy--I'd already know for so long
those little white lines bespoke your troubled mind
Like I could miss it--your arms crisscrossed, a map of self-hurt
I came to know the signs- your frown, the twitching in your seat
the discomfort, the silence, you were already planning the when,
the where, the number of times, the sacrificial amount required for peace
you tried to hide it--just go over the same cut you explained
the scars make it harder, but it's less marks in the end.
You could be a surgeon with your skills, your steady hand
bleeding out the pain, the anger, the unhappiness you harbored
Now that you have left, are you still there in that dark room,
blade in hand, fighting back the tears and letting that pained joy fill you
as each crimson drop runs down your leg?
Oct 4, 2014
Oct 4, 2014 at 1:50 PM UTC
I'm afraid that it's not just a habit you confessed
that it had become a compulsion.
For when it all becomes too much
that thin blade and your skin become one
you were so embarrased to tell me
hated giving away your secrets even then
I was so uneasy--I'd already know for so long
those little white lines bespoke your troubled mind
Like I could miss it--your arms crisscrossed, a map of self-hurt
I came to know the signs- your frown, the twitching in your seat
the discomfort, the silence, you were already planning the when,
the where, the number of times, the sacrificial amount required for peace
you tried to hide it--just go over the same cut you explained
the scars make it harder, but it's less marks in the end.
You could be a surgeon with your skills, your steady hand
bleeding out the pain, the anger, the unhappiness you harbored
Now that you have left, are you still there in that dark room,
blade in hand, fighting back the tears and letting that pained joy fill you
as each crimson drop runs down your leg?
For her--I only wish she could truly see the woman that I fell in love with, and stop punishing herself for the past. I loved her, still do, and hoped to help her see that she was so much more than she gave herself credit for. I just hope that she's happy, most of all with herself.