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alice-julia-millerPoems
I wonder Is it possible to be An Accidental Anorexic? I eat one meal a day, typically speaking Not for lack of hunger Or food Sometimes I eat myself into nausea Without meaning to, Devouring like a black hole Then regretting it. The hunger is not sated, but nausea rises Am I breaking What if I What if No. Today I had dinner. Yesterday I had lunch. I don't hunger until 10 in the morning and By then it's much too late most days I wait for lunch Starving But it's like they don't try to make it food. A deliberate insult to the gnawing pain, Mocking my inability to stomach it I can hear my mother "You're not really hungry if you won't eat it" But I am I'm so tiny. I've experimented Eating nothing Eating so much The little needle doesn't care. It's the same. Every. Time. I want to be able to change a part of me Which is apparently a sign That you're suicidal That desire for control over some aspect of your life. I won't cut my hair So is it food? Is that my control? Am I Accidentally Suicidal Too?
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Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 12:48 AM UTC
One Meal
I wonder Is it possible to be An Accidental Anorexic? I eat one meal a day, typically speaking Not for lack of hunger Or food Sometimes I eat myself into nausea Without meaning to, Devouring like a black hole Then regretting it. The hunger is not sated, but nausea rises Am I breaking What if I What if No. Today I had dinner. Yesterday I had lunch. I don't hunger until 10 in the morning and By then it's much too late most days I wait for lunch Starving But it's like they don't try to make it food. A deliberate insult to the gnawing pain, Mocking my inability to stomach it I can hear my mother "You're not really hungry if you won't eat it" But I am I'm so tiny. I've experimented Eating nothing Eating so much The little needle doesn't care. It's the same. Every. Time. I want to be able to change a part of me Which is apparently a sign That you're suicidal That desire for control over some aspect of your life. I won't cut my hair So is it food? Is that my control? Am I Accidentally Suicidal Too?
alice-julia-miller
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alice-julia-miller
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 12:48 AM UTC
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