Maybe it was the solar flares from the sun that day.
They said it affected the magnetic forces of the earth .
But hey something tripped me up that day,
Pushed me hard,
Skin and bone landing with a gruesome thud .
Now the frustration of solitude surrounds me .
The walls that have seen my many faces absorb my tears ,
And the sense that I am letting everyone down including myself self sits menacingly like a giant in the room.
I hear the heart beat of silence
She surrounds my every thought and lowers my mood further .
I cradle the pain that reminds me that bones shatter as easy as plates falling from hands unsteady.
The usual person I spend time with when I’m alone
Is not a person I recognise , nor do I enjoy their presence at this moment .
Glimmers of me shine through cracks like weeds creeping through pavements wanting to be loved , but these fleeting moments are not enough to sustain my mood into a positive state of being .
I notice that love of our children often is based on their need for us .
No flowers in vases , though my daughter braids my hair each morning .
Maybe they don’t recognise me either , maybe that scares them ~ it should !
Mantras of ‘it is what it is’ and ‘this is just temporary’ pull me forward slowly .
Just my Sunday morning thoughts rattling a little too loudly I had to let them out before they devoured me whole .
Maybe soon I will like myself a little more x