People pleaser

To be a people pleaser

Is to be a liar

First to yourself

First you say

Their happiness is my happiness

Then you say

I'm fine, I'm fine with this

And this and this and this

And when they say this

And they look at you

With the eyes of a lover

With deep need and kindness

With the vulnerability you wish was yours

You say that, and this, and that

So they won't be sad, so that they'll smile,

You want so much for them to smile

Because you love them...

Or you want to love them?

Or, you wished you loved them?

Or, you don't want to hurt them

Because

You're a people pleaser

And you imagine

You pretend, you tell yourself

This, this is my person

You want it so much to be true

Until a moment comes

And you look around

And realize

I'm not fine

And you pull

And you pull, till you pull

The rug out from underneath them

And the shelter you built

And the futures you conjured

And the safety you promised

Evaporates and falls apart

Like a flimsy children's umbrella

And the rain like hateful knives comes down

And you get to watch

As the betrayal falls

And you realize you could never be

What they needed

You promised so much

But it was a lie

First to yourself

But oh how they suffered for it

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