So long have I forsaken
This enchantment I behold
Wreaking havoc on my body
Detesting myself so loud
They say-
There's something about me
Intense and beautiful
Different from anyone else
A healing spark in my soul
That spark is an ember
It's the last of a dying blaze
I was raging and on fire
Running on fumes, and hate
My own voice is evil
It twists me into knots
So tight that I can't unravel
Holding steady for everyone else
They say-
How do you exist?
When I wish that I didn't
My body is exhausted and broken
Squandering any chance at excellence
The ***** led to brain damage
Two pack a day pre-cancerous lungs
Near death split second decisions
Trying to silence that voice for so long
I'll never really know
Exactly how much damage was done
How much time I wasted away
By hating myself loud enough
They say-
A lot of things to me
But they don’t know my thoughts
They don't see the weight around my neck
As I replay every negative moment
I wish that I could hear them
All the nice things people say
But my voice is louder than any other
And my time is spent fixing family pain
I'd heal myself first if I knew how
But my recipe for happiness got ruined
The voice in my head threw it in the trash
And laughed, as my shaking hands lit another cigarette
Feb 5
Feb 5, 2026 at 2:14 PM UTC
So long have I forsaken
This enchantment I behold
Wreaking havoc on my body
Detesting myself so loud
They say-
There's something about me
Intense and beautiful
Different from anyone else
A healing spark in my soul
That spark is an ember
It's the last of a dying blaze
I was raging and on fire
Running on fumes, and hate
My own voice is evil
It twists me into knots
So tight that I can't unravel
Holding steady for everyone else
They say-
How do you exist?
When I wish that I didn't
My body is exhausted and broken
Squandering any chance at excellence
The ***** led to brain damage
Two pack a day pre-cancerous lungs
Near death split second decisions
Trying to silence that voice for so long
I'll never really know
Exactly how much damage was done
How much time I wasted away
By hating myself loud enough
They say-
A lot of things to me
But they don’t know my thoughts
They don't see the weight around my neck
As I replay every negative moment
I wish that I could hear them
All the nice things people say
But my voice is louder than any other
And my time is spent fixing family pain
I'd heal myself first if I knew how
But my recipe for happiness got ruined
The voice in my head threw it in the trash
And laughed, as my shaking hands lit another cigarette
