... in love with a tender flower.
(that literally was her name).
To her, blooming was sufficient
and to me beguiling.
But rather than a perennial
it turns out she was an exotic orchid.
She needed particular material things
to open her petals, to feel love.
Things she needed were self-chosen
Order fulfillment my task (I had poor taste)
Over the years, the deficit got bigger
Others had more and life was short.
Kids and house were her competitors.
Love was about her and not us.
Eventually the books didn't balance
and so she wrote off my love.
I put too much hope in new growth
when she was already past her peak.
True she blooms for others with ease
but I think each flowering is forced.
As for me, I think flowers are not for me.
But something with a heart or deeper roots.
I was thrown away so easily
that I must think about why.
When did I stop growing
and accept so little?
The warning signs were there quite early
But I assumed it was seasonal.
For every forever flower
wilts a bit before coming back.
But waiting and hoping are not enough
I withdrew and watched.
I had hopes that as we grew through life
Love could make us sprout anew.
Maybe had I been more determined
rather than taking what was given.
Maybe some flowers can be pruned
and in turn change their partner.
I will learn how to do that
to be here and now.
And understand that love is not
lowering expectations
but love is a joyful partnership
that should grow over time.
A love that seems paused or static
has no Brownian motions or quantum flux.
So I will never wait for love to come back
But know love requires full participation.
So my new life starts now
and I hope learn anew.
May 30, 2019
May 30, 2019 at 7:01 PM UTC
... in love with a tender flower.
(that literally was her name).
To her, blooming was sufficient
and to me beguiling.
But rather than a perennial
it turns out she was an exotic orchid.
She needed particular material things
to open her petals, to feel love.
Things she needed were self-chosen
Order fulfillment my task (I had poor taste)
Over the years, the deficit got bigger
Others had more and life was short.
Kids and house were her competitors.
Love was about her and not us.
Eventually the books didn't balance
and so she wrote off my love.
I put too much hope in new growth
when she was already past her peak.
True she blooms for others with ease
but I think each flowering is forced.
As for me, I think flowers are not for me.
But something with a heart or deeper roots.
I was thrown away so easily
that I must think about why.
When did I stop growing
and accept so little?
The warning signs were there quite early
But I assumed it was seasonal.
For every forever flower
wilts a bit before coming back.
But waiting and hoping are not enough
I withdrew and watched.
I had hopes that as we grew through life
Love could make us sprout anew.
Maybe had I been more determined
rather than taking what was given.
Maybe some flowers can be pruned
and in turn change their partner.
I will learn how to do that
to be here and now.
And understand that love is not
lowering expectations
but love is a joyful partnership
that should grow over time.
A love that seems paused or static
has no Brownian motions or quantum flux.
So I will never wait for love to come back
But know love requires full participation.
So my new life starts now
and I hope learn anew.
this poem probably needs to be pruned but it felt good writing it.