DISINHIBITOR” By Ariana Reines
<>
There’s a sadness I’m avoiding
It’s why I live like this
The truth is I know I can’t hide
From it. I know I can’t
But I can hide from you
Or I somehow still think I can
& what that really means is hide it
From you. It’s not that I don’t trust
You. I’m just scared to lose
It. I’m not avoiding
My sadness I’m trying
To protect it. What I lost
I already lost a really
Long time ago. Whatever
I tried to do apart
From what I lost had more
To do with covering it
With probably some kind
Of monument than “moving on”
But I’m the only one who needs
To know that it’s a monument
Or what it’s for. Anthills
Mountains out of molehills.
Growing a roughness into
A jewel: Aphrodite’s secret.
I am ignorant of my people’s
History but I have seen the scrolls
In their crowns and gowns.
The times I won I wasn’t able
To celebrate. So I learned equanimity
But equanimity’s as tricky
As any other state. These may
Not be words of wisdom
But they’ve got no other
Place to live
Dec 17, 2023
Dec 17, 2023 at 5:54 PM UTC
DISINHIBITOR” By Ariana Reines
<>
There’s a sadness I’m avoiding
It’s why I live like this
The truth is I know I can’t hide
From it. I know I can’t
But I can hide from you
Or I somehow still think I can
& what that really means is hide it
From you. It’s not that I don’t trust
You. I’m just scared to lose
It. I’m not avoiding
My sadness I’m trying
To protect it. What I lost
I already lost a really
Long time ago. Whatever
I tried to do apart
From what I lost had more
To do with covering it
With probably some kind
Of monument than “moving on”
But I’m the only one who needs
To know that it’s a monument
Or what it’s for. Anthills
Mountains out of molehills.
Growing a roughness into
A jewel: Aphrodite’s secret.
I am ignorant of my people’s
History but I have seen the scrolls
In their crowns and gowns.
The times I won I wasn’t able
To celebrate. So I learned equanimity
But equanimity’s as tricky
As any other state. These may
Not be words of wisdom
But they’ve got no other
Place to live
published in The New Yorker Dec 11, 2023
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