In the darkness of the living room
the street light breaks through the blinds
He sleeps on the couch
A flannel blanket so small
every night is a decision
Shoulders?
Or feet?
I give him a fresh diaper
and light him a smoke
Tonight
before bed
he tells me a story
the only one I have ever heard from him
about the war
His best friend was named Mike
Mike got sick
Fever and blood in every cough
"I kept telling him everything was going to be okay"
He said
"but he kept asking me to leave him
Said to just send his wife a letter.
I never found any letter.
I wrote one later as if were him"
"I found him one morning
Cut his own throat"
My father's gone through five cigarettes by now
He lays down
covers his feet tonight
"When you're a burden to the people you love
it is okay to give up
That is what I am trying to tell you boy"
Just like that
he gave up
I am not saying my father was a good man
But in the end
I forgive him
for everything