Seven years ago today
An immature teen
Clocked by reality
Life had been so good
I had a roof
plenty of food
so many dreams
I thought would come true
In the months leading up
To that fateful day
I lost hope in the world
Cut my ties with religion
Pushed the whole world away
Because I was in pain
Emotionally distraught
-
“This can’t be real” was my only thought
pinch pinch pinch till I bruised
But I wouldn’t wake up
In those days
I felt like each was eternal
Daily visits to the hospital
To see the strongest person I knew
Slowly losing his strength
Drugged up so much
He forgot who I was
I couldn’t understand
Why he couldn’t remember
One day I sat by him
To keep him company
He was so fed up
He just wanted to die
To leave that forsaken room
Of which he was a prisoner
He yanked his iv
With so little strength
As I held him down
With tears pouring out my eyes
He looked into my soul
And with such a piercing rage yelled at me
-
“You’re worthless let me go
you are not my son”
Those words cut deep
And broke me inside.
-
My last memory with him
Kills me to this day
It was the last chance I had to visit
And I went into his room
I tried to have a conversation
But he was delirious
He had 5 blankets
But he shivered and said
“Nieve, nieve”
I hugged him tight
A million thoughts running
Through my mind
-
In my head I ran away with him
Took him on a journey to cross off
Everything from his bucket list
-
In reality I sat with him and wept
He wiped away a tear and murmured under his breath
Words I couldn’t make out
So I tried my best to figure it out
“Fruta” i managed to hear
So I started naming fruits
“Sandia”
He nodded no
“Fresa”
His head again shook
Till I guessed what he wanted
I promised him
I would bring him one back
The very next morning
On my way to school
I passed by a tree
And the fruit my dad wanted
Hanging within reach
And as I walked closer
I thought to myself
I’ll pick it later
And headed to class
-
I still remember clearly the moment I found out
I was in 3rd period algebra
When I got called to the office
Which wasn’t something new
Since I was a rebel
But I felt my gut drop
And somehow I knew
“I don’t know how to say this, your sister is on the phone”
Said the lady in the office
She handed me the phone
I didnt even let my sister speak
“Ok, bye”
-
The office lady asked me if I wanted to go home
But the last thing I wanted was to see
Was the bigger picture
I had lost peices of the puzzle
All that was left was rubble
Seven years to this day
I’m still constantly depressed
And filled with regret