Leaving the desert was the easiest and hardest thing I’ve done
All the loose ends and what ifs that still exist are on hold
Awaiting a return that will almost certainly never come
I sometimes think about the pieces I left behind
And what they would be now if I had watered and pruned them
Protected them from the beating sun that scorches everything
Alive or dead
Or somewhere in between
They still hold silk threads weaved through my heart
Pierced by a needle so small I couldn’t feel it until it was clean through
Like the exit hole from a bullet that leaves a gaping wound surrounded by the frilled edges of torn flesh
Would I be happier if the outcome had been tails?
It is impossible to know
But leaving everything to begin again in a place I’d never been
Forced me to bring only what was useful
To leave all the broken parts
To become sun bleached until they are something I don’t recognize
To find things that are new and whole
And try to heal the paths of silk thread into small pinholes
Still present but no longer as painful
After a few years I am starting to feel it
My heels are dug deep into the rain-softened earth and my arms enclose the fresh green that surrounds me
The ocean rushes back and forth on the shores covered with smooth stones
The hypnotic sound cast against mountain ranges jutting above the clouds
I think I am beginning to understand peace.
Apr 11, 2021
Apr 11, 2021 at 4:32 PM UTC
Leaving the desert was the easiest and hardest thing I’ve done
All the loose ends and what ifs that still exist are on hold
Awaiting a return that will almost certainly never come
I sometimes think about the pieces I left behind
And what they would be now if I had watered and pruned them
Protected them from the beating sun that scorches everything
Alive or dead
Or somewhere in between
They still hold silk threads weaved through my heart
Pierced by a needle so small I couldn’t feel it until it was clean through
Like the exit hole from a bullet that leaves a gaping wound surrounded by the frilled edges of torn flesh
Would I be happier if the outcome had been tails?
It is impossible to know
But leaving everything to begin again in a place I’d never been
Forced me to bring only what was useful
To leave all the broken parts
To become sun bleached until they are something I don’t recognize
To find things that are new and whole
And try to heal the paths of silk thread into small pinholes
Still present but no longer as painful
After a few years I am starting to feel it
My heels are dug deep into the rain-softened earth and my arms enclose the fresh green that surrounds me
The ocean rushes back and forth on the shores covered with smooth stones
The hypnotic sound cast against mountain ranges jutting above the clouds
I think I am beginning to understand peace.