I wanna write about how you make me feel and who makes me feel what.
How much of my emotions are influenced?
How much of my emotions are mine?
I realize that time makes it easier to distance ourselves from turmoil once so close.
When it stares you in the face, obnoxious and intolerable... not even the greenest grass can catch your eye.
Maybe its not either of you, maybe its not any of you.
I'm kinda thinking its just me.

Homegrown apathy.
Self inflicted bliss.

Sweet words and honest eyes
A soul that I can see

Inspiration sits on me
a king or a goblin?
with the most encouraging smile

on fire and submerged without a clue or a query.
Ash my feelings, lights burn out.
Cant trust it'll stay the same as we grow father from this.
Your mind is right until its wrong, until its different, until you turn your head.

Its not even hard to fall back into what we had.
But it feels new, somehow.

Your hands burn me to the touch.
that kind of flame you just want to keep burning
Keep touching
fresh wounds,
they'll heal eventually.

I love to learn.
I love lessons.
You have taught me the most important one I gotten in a while.
Hurting someone you love is all the more possible,
all the more probable,
than strangers or villains
Because betrayal cannot exist
without first placing trust.

I can't even say It was hard to build our trust.
Though the weight of trust is a heavy one to bear.
We're only human.

But now, I'm as wary as a cat.
As frightened as an infant torn from his mothers side.

I'm learning. Alone.
With you.
Trying to swallow this lesson.
Forgiving you
is easier than leaving you
this I know for sure,
and that scares me more.

Should I give you up? Should I give this up?
My gut says no. **** no.
But my mind won't forget.
I wish I could forget.

I can't say that it's easy
to look into your eyes.
but harder so to resist your kiss.

Our innocence has faded.
but my love has not.
We're all too human.

Your hands, still soft, leave bruises on my skin. On my heart.

This lesson
etched deep
Im learning.

Social anxiety is a crippling cuff
that restrains you to the solitude of your mattress

Fetal position ready for
the red little monster
whispering inbetween your thoughts
"youre worthless"
          ......
"they hate you"
because your mind has brushed upon
a poison bush
oozing self doubt and fear

& you know you can fight it
but your day has left you weak;
Unwilling to stand up.
Besides, the tissue surrounding your brain isnt a surface you can easily scratch..

Instant relief is not to be expected...
so, bear the irritation we must
till the light decides to bring with it a calm
The sun is an effective locksmith.

hurt grows
in the dark un-monitored corners
of the most wonderful, wonderful people

grief is a seed
incubated in all of us
....
unexpectedly the jagged thorns
                        slash
the gentlest hands reaching out for you

You wont know
You don't notice