once privileged

once privileged Dec 2018

You turned to me.
And my heart stood still
The pain in your eyes
The blood on your hands
A night... not to be forgotten
Do you remember?
A cool breeze,
And then time stood still
A merry evening.
The fear in your eyes,
I knew it was time.
Reassuring words spewed from my lips.
I promised to make it end
If only
I knew then what I faced
As promised I set out to destroy...
Every last demon you had.
Every morcel of pain you held
You trusted me
That was your only mistake
I can't hold back now
I found myself in battle,
We set out to win or die trying
If only
It was only after I awoke
Covered in ****** wounds
I was your only demon
The one who destroyed you...
The one I hated most
I took the light in your eyes,
The crooked smile,
The way you looked up to me..
Before I destroyed it all.
So now I sit here,
In my final moments
Blood runs down my chest,
Hand shaking with disgust...
As I will always keep my promise
Your demons shall be slayed.
My friend.... you are are forever safe

once privileged Dec 2018

Shadow in your eye

The shadow in your eye..
The kink behind your smile.
I can see it all so clearly,
I recognize the pain.
Digging through leeches
Superficial greetings.
I need to see your heart.
If I show you mine,
Maybe then you'll show me yours.
I was just like you
Waiting for your heart,
Too scared to show you mine.
But here I am
I've never truly gone,
Sure I've never truly been there
I waited for your core
Too scared to show you mine
I finally see.
In the shadow of your eye
Depression raging on
How could I have been so blind.

I was born to save you
And now it's too late
Maybe your depression outgrew mine
I Should've shown you my heart
But now you're gone.
Even in our distance
You were my one truth
And now it's time for this to end.
I have failed you my friend
I should have given you...
My heart
I didn't get there on time.

Too depressed to see the struggle my only long term and current friend battled. Depression can leave you spending all thoughts on making it through a day. Do not ever forget that the person who bothers to check up on you regularly might need the same from you sometimes. Don't neglect all that you have. This deserves much better but is a rough draft.

#suicide #depression #lost #agony #heart #feelings

once privileged Dec 2016

I need a narcissist

Here I stay
I will give in to your every word
I will live out your lies
Trust your meaningless notions
I give you my unrequainted love
Give you my loyalty
Tell me what to do
Remind me of my nightmares
I've nothing left to dream of
You can abuse me
Whatever makes you happy
I will live to feed your ego

I lost my battle long ago
If seeing me miserable brings you joy
Then at least I was worth something

Ill be your play toy
I'll serve all your desires

You can use and abuse me
Just please dont lose me
Please dont lose me

You're the only one..
Too wrapped up in yourself
To look closely at my feelings
I've always been indifferent
I have came to appreciate that
Just dont lose me.

once privileged Jul 2016

Finish

My dearest artist
These worlds you create
So full of wonder and awe
So lonely yet full of life
There are no words
And never a worry

Could you paint me away
Far away from this place?
In a place where I belong
With song birds singing
Where autumn never ends
The river flowing beside me
Cant you paint me away.

Thoughts to be shaped when im not on the clock

#paint

once privileged Jan 2016

dreaming on

I seen you the other day,
In my dream
I've never felt so lonely.
Sitting here tonight,
I'm missing you more then ever
I still **** at poems.
But I simply don't care.
I'm alone in this life here.
I thought I knew what loneliness was
This changes it all.
There is nothing I want more
But I can't take this back.
I want to say I've learned...
Not to say what I don't mean
But I do it so fluently now.
Break these sentences down,
Try to pass it as a poem.
While I pass this off as a life

once privileged Jan 2015

To my friend

To cast light upon shadows
To welcome silent moments
To see through the dark
To remember to breathe
To find humour in all
To watch the sun trade for stars
To forget the world
To treat all with care
To speak with passion
To learn and grow

Where are you my friend?
I know you search too.

Would you recognize me,
Given we meet again?
Or do I chase dreams.
Time is our only battle.
I'm think I'm experiencing hopelessness.. in the most beautiful way.