I can only hope to one day be as beautiful and wanted as other girls.
Thin girls are beautiful. I know it seems unhealthy, but I admire their bodies.
I feel like crying at the sight of them too, but it may be because I'm not perfect enough.
Their bodies represent their monsters that keep them from being
themselves. I can see it through the skin and bones.
But doesn't it look lovely?
To be almost enough?
No one really thinks that you're ever enough no matter what you weigh or what your body looks like.
Society doesn't think you're good enough.
How wonderful would it be if you could do anything to end the suffering without making others suffer or cry and worry about you?
You want to punish yourself for not being the person everyone wants you to be.
But it's difficult to do that when you don't want to hurt or worry the people you love with your heart and soul.
It would be selfish, to hurt yourself just to hurt those who want
the best for you.
Who knows what they truly think and what their true intentions of you are?
No one makes an effort to return all the love you give them.
And you receive the love from strangers or people who you don't even love or care much about.
You appreciate the effort those strangers give.
I'd only wish that everyone else would do the same.
It is sad, really. I'm told that I am cared about and loved.
But those are just words [mostly through text].
It means nothing if not said in person.
You never know what they really mean.
The tone of their voice when they say it truly matters to me.
Their body language.
Does anyone want me? Does anyone want to make the effort?
The effort to talk to me first.
I should give myself credit for fighting.
The lack of love I would like to receive kills some parts of me.
A hug isn't really meaningful, unless it's from the person you want or need or love and actually care about.
I can see myself suffering from a broken heart.
The pain will (sooner or later) become unbearable.
I'll keep bottling up all of the negativity.
Overthinking kills your happiness. I don't have much.
The simple things in life make me happy.
Most of the time, I feel like crying, but I can't because
I don't want people to see me as weak.
I really only cry if anything is too overwhelming.
I want to help those girls who are suffering with eating disorders. But a part of me wants to be that girl with the eating disorder.
My chest feels funny whenever I look at photos and I have the urge to cry, but nothing.
Time to face the truth.
Whether I lose or gain weight, I will never be happy with
how I look.
I don't exactly enjoy making myself feel ******, but I don't hate it either.
It's the only thing I can actually do.
It's just something that won't disappoint because I know it will always be possible to do..
Part of the complications is pain
I need people.
I want, but mostly need people. I need a hug.
I need the one thing I'm missing in my life right now: comfort, safety, someone to be there.
I don't just need the person who gives good advice and pep talks and tries to "comfort" someone through texting.
I need a person to be there physically (next to me, near me).
I need a lot of things to be completely honest here.
Can't be too greedy with certain things.
Not everything is something you can just claim yours.
They are earned and need to be respected as others are.
I do want to change the world.
And by that, I mean I want to fix up everything people think, so that the world won't be as ****** and messed up as it has been.
I always do my best to help people, but people don't help me.
It *****. It hurts. And for that, I hate people. Any rude, horrible person existing right now should AT LEAST be locked up somewhere they can't escape.
If things have to go further than that, then I would suggest the electric chair.
I would never go to violence as an answer, unless
I hate the world that we live in.
Why must there be idiots living among us?
I'm talking about the people who don't think before they act or speak. They just DO. And it drives me mad.
This world needs to be filled with people more intelligent or at least smart enough to know the difference between making good and bad decisions.
I am not the most intelligent person
in the world, for sure.
However, I am a person who has a lot of logic and common sense.
I think with my brain and feel with my heart.
I rely on both my brain and my heart when it comes to making decisions, which I **** at doing.
I am not good at making decisions because I always see things from both perspectives; two versions of the story/topic, etc.
© 2018 Omni Winters
EDIT MADE (11/23/18): I URGE ANYONE THAT IS EASILY TRIGGERED BY ANYTHING DEPRESSING AND ANYTHING IT RELATES TO, TO NOT READ THIS, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE ALSO SENSITIVE. PLEASE DON'T REPORT ME! MESSAGE ME IF YOU HAVE ANY CONCERNS. I NO LONGER FEEL THIS WAY, BUT I USED WRITING TO HELP ME VENT AND PULL THROUGH MY DEPRESSION. I NO LONGER FEEL ANY SORT OF NEGATIVITY IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE IT STAYS THAT WAY.
January 22nd, 2018
I don't know if this is really a poem, but I'm sharing it anyway. Who knew that writing something great took drinking two cups of coffee and staying up all night?