it was about time I stopped staring at blank pages
thinking something could jump out
drag me into another dimension of time and space
how foolishly my imagination got me
and I fell headfirst into a new world
full of specks of memory and emotions
endlessly wandering and looking for any sign of life
looking for any sign of something new
with each breath, my voice seemed to echo out
my eyes felt like they were exploding in my skull
the edges of my skin turned into diamonds
I fell headfirst into my own mind
I spiraled out of control until I found myself
sitting back in my same chair
with these familiar walls and that same window
leaning back and looking up at the white ceiling
wondering if it could swallow me whole too
taking me back into that endless void of my mind
and I, spinning endlessly inside my own mind
only to find myself back in reality, every time

his arms around my waist
his face fuzzy because I can't keep focus
everything about this was perfect
everything about the broken glass was perfect
his hands in my hair
my fingers running over his shoulder
I know I'm sad inside
I know he's struggling to figure this out
we held embrace with my back against the wall
I can feel his breath on my neck
but we both drank too much
and we both dreamt of better worlds
my body is so high right now
my mind is soaring
I never want him to let go
he doesn't want to let go
once our touch is gone it's only us
in our destructions and faded lies
even after this is all gone
even after everything is lost in my mind
I'll still feel his fingers through my hair
and the way he smiled
both drunk in love

maybe i forgot the last time i wrote
maybe i cant remember the last time i felt free
eventually i was bound to lose focus
start chasing my feelings around in circles
thinking it was all fine
even though those twilight conversations were doomed
and nothing could fix what i said
maybe i wanted to forget the unsaid things
my heart was too hardened from hiding away
throwing up lies to defend me
throwing up the alcohol from last night
you may not know what i didn't say
i may not know what i wanted to say
but it all comes down to him
he's the reason i kept writing these walls
the reason why i guard my heart so tight
the reason why i'll let it all down just for him

maybe it's about time you knew
all those days i spent hiding from you
it was all because i was ashamed
i was terrified of the look i'd get from you
i was paralyzed knowing you'd hate me forever
for all those hurtful words i said
for all the lies people told you
i am sorry
but how could i accept forgiveness after all these years
you were utter perfection
my dearest love and i tore it apart
but i am no longer afraid for your soul
i see you've been swept off your feet by an angel
and she adores you with everything she is
i'm so happy
but i am also heartbroken and jealous
of a love, i could not give you and denied to you
i suppose jealously gets us all
deception playing around with our little minds
it was about time i told you what i feel
maybe one day when i run into you on the street
when you look at me the way you used to
and everything will back into place the way it was
even though you're so close
i know i'll never be enough for you
of course, i still think about you every day
because all those days i spent hiding from you
made me want you even more

suppose,
now you know

sometimes i feel like giving up on writing
feel like throwing this screen into a canyon
but then i remember all the memories stored
all those late nights i stayed up
either crying or restless or just confused
this world would have nothing left of me
so maybe ill keep some of these words
wont throw them all away
but eventually ill get tired of this game
the game i play with myself
how i lie and cheat and fold my cards
raising the stakes, they say
sometime before i felt like giving up on you
and i should have
but all you left me with is a storage
of feelings and memories youll never know

swirling blue
shadowy waves pulling you under
tossing turning
the storm took your breath
like a hit to your gut
all the life ****** out of you
deep silky purple
whispering whisping
all around the world is on fire
but in a cool blue flame
as if nothing could touch it
but a silent hand
extending from the bright light above
inky black caverns
grasping clawing
and finally air
as clean as morning
glistening soft pink
warming glowing