There are times,
Yes...There are times when I am focused, on task, efficient, and brave.
When I can breathe fire and kick the world's *** and tell you exactly what I think with enough accuracy to trace the trajectory of my words to such a minute degree that I might be able to calculate the distance they could travel before piercing a person's heart. Sometimes I use these projections to my advantage - sometimes I take aim and say just the right thing, at just the right time, and sometimes I do it just well enough to convince someone to fall in love with me.
And then there are times,
Yes...There are times when I am caught, stuck in my mind, surrounded by the dry dust of my thoughts, unsure and unclear. When I am tired and not-all-there. When I am so apathetic that I will let you slip through my fingers like the dreams I know I am letting go of, like the time I spend crying about them that I know I will not get back. Sometimes I won't speak for days - even weeks - on end and I will want you to think that I do not love you anymore because I can't fit you into any of the boxes I have made in my head, and sometimes I ignore you just enough to convince you to push me away.
But there are times,
Yes...There are times that I love, wonder, marvel, and even adore my world without you. When I can look out the car window and see the landscape slipping by like the time I spent crying about you, the time I know I will not get back, and I do not speak for a while. Sometimes these thoughts don't hurt as much as I thought they would, like a vaccine that I worried about right up until they stuck me with the needle and I think 'I could do that again', and sometimes I do just well enough with all the hurt I caused myself with you to look past all of it and see that it is still a beautiful world.
And there are times,
Yes, there are times,
When I feel just brave enough to share it with someone.