I don't need a hero
In this story I will be
My own savior and you
Won't be my conqueror
I don't need to be saved
I need to be left in my solitude
With my thoughts & perceptions
I don't need you
I need me

I came to see the casket
An open heavy thing
And what I saw inside was
Decomposition's hymn

A song without a spirit
That never should have died
Remember when you killed it
Remember how you cried

The reoccurring nightmare
That shook you from your sleep
Had made its way outside of
The consciousness you'd keep

The ceremony's over
And now I must confess
My person is the coffin
The coffin is my chest

I've been kissed by a razor
he leaves ***** red stains
he says he's only here to help me breathe,
to relieve
and I almost believe him
but all I ever feel is guilty and ashamed
I've been kissed by a razor on my thighs and shoulders
he's even nipped me on the wrists
I think he's daring to kiss me where others might witness
he whispers ***** words to me at night and sends tremors down my spine
he's trying to bite me and take me "home" for good
This razor, he finds me on rainy days, says he wants to take the pain away
This razor, he is not my friend
he's trying to take chunks out of my velvet skin
No, this razor is not my friend, but he says he can hush the anger inside my head
I've been kissed by a razor who promised happiness
I thought I'd let him just have a tiny taste,
but he didn't stop
and this place he called "home"
is only hell
I should've known.

There's a secret within me
Writhing to be free
Sometimes it slips out
In wisps of whispers
and I clamber to pull it back
To retrieve the slivers before
Someone realizes what the
Whispers entail

There's a secret within me
Its too much to hold
But its too much to let out
So I let it gnaw at my insides
Pierce my heart
And drain me of what
Might've been a soul.

There was a secret within me
I really shouldn't have kept it
There was a secret within me
But now it's gone

So am I.

“I think I might just
Be in love with this sunshine.
Come break the earth with me
Sink your roots and be a tree.”

“I think I might just-“

Sign up for the thrill, you said.

Back when young hands would rest
On strong shoulders.

Those withered hands of mine
Now drawn to channel the furrows of my forehead.
An attempt to plough over the years of conflict,
But nothing will erase.

“Be in love with this sunshine.”

For it won’t last, you said.

Back then when I joined as a brother
In all but blood.

I didn’t heed your warnings then,
I guess I foolishly supposed that the sun would always shine for us.
The sun may still play upon the scarred recesses of my skin,

But my eyes see nothing now.

“Come break the earth with me,”

The ground is hard and we dig best together, you said.

Back then when trenches were still reminiscent of childhood hideouts
and games of glorious battle.

But we knew nothing of war,
and our minds grew like a tiny maze
with many dead ends packed in there.
We paid dearly for our ignorance.

“Sink your roots and be a tree.”

Then I’ll do the same, you said.

Back then when you would laugh in abstract thought while I smiled
With my hand around your shoulder and yours around mine.


The snipers got you in the end.


I feel relief now, that you never lost your innocence,
that you didn’t live to see how much of myself I lost
When you passed.

In the presence of the sun I raked the earth
With trembling hands beneath a tree
Pondering upon how ancient your face seemed all of a sudden

Set starkly against the ****** soil of your makeshift grave.



And I remembered
When young hands upon shoulders were still strong,



Now I reach for that same grime-encrusted hand upon my shoulder

But it’s no longer there

And neither are you.



*“I think I might just
Be in love with this sunshine.
Come break the earth with me
Sink your roots and be a tree.”

They couldn’t help but
Crack the maws of those around
Them who became touched

It’s been at least three
Full moons since I gave and I
Haven’t stopped bleeding