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If it gets you through the night,

you could sit there on the couch and pretend that I’m not listening.

We’ve been over this time and again, yet here you are flipped

from side B to side A. I hope your tape breaks and this message

is flipping in the wind on a tab with a marker

marked red. I hope you understand.

My life feels like vacation but my… well everybody

will promise you violence over practically nothing

and I think I deserve a better planet. Instead I’m here.

It’s marginally all my ego, but mostly I just want to disappear.

I swear; If I break a heart I’ll fix it, but I’m a disease and a symptom,

and I stick like bad religion. Worshipers take shelter from this cult.

I’d even stab you if I had proper motivation,

and I didn’t treat myself like my own martyr for nothing.

The “real” me may only be what you make of me anyways.

My image of myself only exists within my head,

and in that image I am rotten with perfection.

My only corduroy is torn and smells of bleach,

but I’m too sleepy to change into my skin.

I swear I’m more than just an ordinary sin,

just because I’m also my own martyr.
Square up, and form the norm.

Grab your partner and abuse them

psychologically without understanding

how or why you’re doing it.

Do si go to an institute or university.

Get a job and step to the right.

Dip into cold waters,

fall into a trap

with broken limbs.

Suffocate in desperation.

Somebody has turned the

lights out and is hiding

the sky.

Strings are the new chains.
I.
In every
hello
I want to convey
that there is an
i love you.
Let’s pick up where we left off. With one intact and one broken heart. Where he picked you up, and then dropped you off. But I don’t think you understand, just what I have lost. Don’t expect to get helping hand if you guess wrong. I just wanted somewhere where we would all get along, and you just wanted somewhere where you belonged. I must have made you strong. Because now you expected something a little more. I trusted you so much, I ripped the door of my mind from it’s hinges. And I left it open so you could get in it. But it’s none of your business to worry about how much time I got, who I spend it with. But if you wanna start a civil war over something stupid, good luck with that. I just wish you’d see what I stand. I’m only human, but once I start yelling get the **** back. I’m sorry. I couldn’t say it anymore sincere. Just give me space. Back the **** up and get out of my face. I warned you not to get close to me-I’m a walking ****** case. You don’t wanna be friends? Fine, it’s about time I cut my loose ends. But what ***** is that since then, for months on end, you’re all I could think about. But just when I thought you were gone, you came back and I wrote you this song.

You’re my ghost, someone that I can’t see.
I’ll pretend, that way we won’t speak.
I only want you to be happy.
So why can’t you help me move on?
Because I’m running out of choices
I’m grasping at straws

I could think of any better day, then when we just slept and didn’t have a single word to say. The smile I wrote on your face was just the beginning. And every time you saw your beautiful face, it was just the best thing. And even at six in the morning I can’t help think of words I never got to say. I’m sorry for everything that I said. I’m just a little messed up in my head. I can’t stand these empty lies anymore. I’ve got to tell the truth before I walk out the door. I’ve had it with doing what we must. Because we all know that it causes us to combust. You say it’s for the best, of the rest. But what about me? We’ve come too far, dealt with to much, fell too far in love, to let you just, self destruct. That night, I had enough. I couldn’t understand why you loved-, someone you never met. I wanted to be the reason you were alive, not someone who’s music you listen to when you were upset. I I understand now, how he kept you alive. But I regret it all now I know better than to talk to you now though, because what good would it get? But every day that passes by, I’m losing myself bit-by-bit. I wish that I could rewind just a little while, to change my past ways and erase this sorrow. Because I love you more than than these last days and less than I will tomorrow. Don’t worry, I’m not blaming you. I know it was my fault. I just don’t know what to do about the abuse I give myself. Well, I guess this is the last thing I can do, because…

You’re my ghost, someone that I can’t see.
I’ll pretend, that way we won’t speak.
I only want you to be happy.
So why can’t you help me move on?
Because I’m running out of choices
I’m grasping at straws

I was just a lucky boy I guess, I finally found the one. I was just another guest in this house that she made for one.

I know you don’t want to speak. But that’s what’s killing me. I miss the soft tone of your voice. I refuse to move on from you and I don’t know why. Because I just want to talk to you forever and ever. And never hear again, the words, Good-…..

You’re my ghost, someone that I can’t see.
I’ll pretend, that way we won’t speak.
I only want you to be happy.
So why can’t you help me move on?
Because I’m running out of choices
I’m grasping at straws
Grasping at straws
Grasping at straws
Grasping at straws
I’ve never felt this nervous.
I swear it’s never happened like this before.
I just wanted it to be perfect.
I can’t even think straight anymore.
I can’t help but be angry.
It’s just who I have grown to be.
And I hope you don’t blame me.
For holding in the things that I never say.

This is the only time that I won’t have the strength
But tomorrow I know that I’ll be able to have faith
I know that if I can’t then I will never get away

Tonight I will give way
It’s who I am today

It’s just another night.
And I’ll live through it I swear.
But this isn’t your burden.
And I’d never give it to you to bare.
Maybe I’ll hold it all in.
But maybe this a little too much.
I know I’ll let it out without thinking.
It’s just another reason that I am afraid

This won’t be the last time that I won’t get to sleep.
Never again will I be the only one that nobody needs.
I’m breaking out of this shell where I’ll finally be free.

Tonight I can not say
That I am okay

I can’t help but be who I am
And I can’t stand these facts
but I will accept them
I know I’ll never get those nights back

I won’t fight these words you whisper
I know that they are true.
But why are you telling me
When I’d never do this to you.
I won’t argue my opinion
I won’t swim in shallow seas
You’ll never know the secrets I have hidden
If we never speak.
I’ll let these pictures on my walls
And these plastic heart
Stain my memories on my arms
A little blood never hurt no one.

I’m not the only one to have self-inflicted scars
But at least I know that they don’t make us who we are
I can’t let my demons go, but smiling is a start

You’ll never find a heart like me
It’s who I am today
 Mar 2014 Olivia Mercado
Sirens
one hundred thousand love letters
to my King
ten a day, two before bed
words detailing the stories of our love and it's follies
there is nothing in this world more sacred to me than the connection
of your soul and mine
we came together
against all odds
here we are
there you were
for me
my King
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