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if I am unbecoming all the words you’ve never read
then I can take my time while I go walking through your head
you’ll never even see me and you’ll never even know
I’ll speak into your body, may it reap what it will sow

if I am unbecoming all the traits in me you knew
then I will be the mountain you will not know how to move
you’ll never even feel me and you’ll never even think
I’ll be with you forever, every single time you blink

but

if I am unbecoming all the words you’ve ever read
then I will pick my body up and bury it instead
you’ll find me in the in-betweens, in laughter and in sighs
I’ll be in every single breath, you never will know why
who you think i am or who i am
I felt my heart be still tonight, I focused on my breath
I rearranged my thoughts so I could get out of my head
I started building bridges and I crossed them every day
I learned about my body in a certain kind of way

I picked apart the memories I’d never written down
and realized carnality was always on the ground
to go below its surface took another kind of strength
I’d never be this human ever in my life again

I spoke my truth indelibly, with every cell in me
and fell apart in ways I didn’t know that I would need  
I felt my heart go still tonight, I focused on my life
I went to sleep with Hope that I would see another night
on life and death, on every single moment
see, there is a moment, a speckle in Time
when you’re in the darkness before you see Light
you follow the patterns inside of your brain
and relive the memories that caused you such pain

but somehow your heart stirs the body it keeps
and offers perspectives you never could see
you choose to start living and breathing anew
you pick up the pieces, surrender to Truth

see, there is a moment, a second you get
to live in your body or die in your head
the latter comes easy, society says
the former is work for the rest of your breaths
Olga Valerevna Dec 2023
it could have been through one of us that change was being made
it could have been through one of us that change was causing pain  
it could have been through one of us that change would make us fail
but change has moved through all of us, together we’ve set sail

inhaling waves of water I’ve been catching all my life
I realized my fisticuffs were never only mine
it’s never been just one of us, it’s always been us all
together we would rise or separated, we would fall

it could have been through one of us that change was never made
it could have been through all of us that change would choose to stay  
it could have been that none of us would ever learn to stand
but we are in the water now, together, hand in hand
my father was a boxer in a past life, and he always told me we are stronger together as a family — fingers pulled in, tight as a fist, ready to handle anything that comes our way.
Olga Valerevna Nov 2023
if you could hear the dissonance between your mind and soul
would you put up a fight or would you let it take control?
would you give in to anger or be humbled in its midst?
would you consider dying to the things you can’t resist?

if you could hear the voices of the present, future, past
would you become a pillar or an ever-moving mass?
would you pack up your life entire for where you want to go?
or would you turn your head around to everything you’ve known?

if you were offered nothing but a Promise you can’t see  
would you surrender all the things that bring you to your knees?
would you call flesh your person or the part of you that is
a vessel for your Soul to carry out what you let in
“Жена же Лотова оглянулась позади его, и стала соляным столпом.”
‭‭Бытие‬ ‭19‬:‭26‬
Olga Valerevna Nov 2023
You pull me down from everything that keeps me in the air
You show me things that break me in a way I can’t compare
You give my heart a reason and the strength to keep a beat
and cover me in Poetry I lay down at Your Feet

You see me in the places where I barely see myself
You hold my hand through troubles unlike anybody else
You recognize the filters I impose upon my tongue
but let me speak as freely as I possibly could want

You layer every fiber of my being on my bones
You breathe Your Life into them so I’ll never be alone
You leave me only speechless but You never leave me bare
if anything, You make me all the more and more aware
“Иисус сказал ему: Я есмь путь и истина и жизнь; никто не приходит к Отцу, как только через Меня.”
‭‭От Иоанна‬ 14:6
Olga Valerevna Oct 2023
if we bind our minds to violence, all the evil that can be
will infiltrate our bodies in a single breath with ease
if we bathe our Souls in terror, all our bones will see decay
and everything our eyes perceive will slowly rot away

if we rush into our anger, all our tongues will turn to ash
the sweetness of The Truth will taste like bitterness intact
if we supplement deficiencies with lies we tell ourselves
we’ll end up in the throes of what it’s like to be in Hell

if we follow our delusions, make them part of who we are
expel our own beliefs from every chamber of our hearts
we will walk away with nothing, even less than, to be sure
if we bind our minds to violence, we’ll be gone before we were
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