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It's just a bite, what harm could it do?
It triggers a domino effect, because one bite invariably turns into two, and three, and four and all of a sudden you're eating.
But you can't do that, because being skinny will make everything better.
You look in the mirror, hoping to see ribs and spine and hip-bones. You stretch your skin farther over your bones, and watch the fat melt away. You are skinny, and you are indestructible.
Nothing fits.
You shop for new clothes
but they sag in all the wrong places.
Nothing pulls over your chest the way it used to, instead it hangs there limply.
There are inches of extra fabric behind your thighs.
Your hips used to be graceful and womanly, but now you look like a pre-pubescent child.
Being skinny just isn't fun anymore.
But you can't go back, because you remember times when you'd stand in front of dressing room mirrors and clothes would s t r e t c h over your stomach and hips and thighs and *******. Everything would be too tight in all the wrong places.
It is either skinny or fat, never an in-between. You can never be "healthy" because that's fat too.
And the food is still on your plate while all of this runs through your mind and it almost kills you, because it's JUST A BITE.
but it isn't 'just' anything. it's a big deal.
So you leave the bite behind and your stomach begs you for something, anything. And then you see the candy.
The chips.
The diet sodas.
The protein bars.
The brownies.
The ice cream.
The milkshakes.
And suddenly you are out of control, eating it all at once and you can't stop. It goes in but it HAS TO COME OUT.
So you lock yourself in the stall.
You tickle the back of your throat with your pointer finger and it comes back.
Purple,
Orange,
Blue.
Unnatural colors that come from processed foods.
Red,
yellow,
green.
And you are empty again,
crying on the bathroom floor
with no one to save you.
Where I see hip-bones and ribs, you see my
fragile heart calling for you. I see three numbers
on the scale- 1, 2 and 6. You see the graceful body of
a free spirit that only you can bring back to earth.
You see unused spoons and forks and unopened
packages of macaroni and cheese, but I only see my
reflection in the silverware and how much thinner my
face is since seeing a 4 on the scale this morning.
I see dark circles under my eyes, nothing that
can't be fixed, but you see a girl waking up
at 3 in the morning and wanting nothing
more than to have you in bed with her.

You picked the wrong girl, babe. You're so right for me
but I want more than you can give
but who knows? Maybe you can give me
everything I need and more.
You promised to love me forever and someday
we'll run away together. We'll get on a bus or a train
with a little money and each other. You'll be wearing
jeans because I love the way they look on you
and I'll be wearing jeans because they're baggy
and you can't see how thin I've gotten.

I see us on our own, a little apartment just for us.
A sanctuary. Where we can run away from it all and
we won't buy a scale because
I won't care anymore. I'll look into your eyes
and finally see myself as you see me.
Because where I see a girl that needs to be saved you see a girl who could be strong enough to save herself
If I stand with my feet
shoulder-width apart
light shines through the crack
between my thighs.
and
having a thigh gap
never seemed like a bad thing.
until now.
 Apr 2014 Wednesday
Àŧùl
Angel?
 Apr 2014 Wednesday
Àŧùl
In That Moonlit Night Standing In The Abaft,
Watching The Towed Flaccid Wooden Raft,
I Thought That I Saw An Angel Resting,
Lying Exhausted There In That Craft.

I Call The Girl Out Unbeknownst Of Her Kind Name,
"Hey Young Lady!!" To Which She Didn't Much Respond,
She Looked Up Towards Me Once In Anguish & Collapsed,
I See Desperation In Her Amber Eyes & Resolve To Help Her.

The Crewmen Had Now Been Doing The Paddles After Resting,
I Summon My Captain & Ask, "Do You See That Girl In The Raft?"
The Captain Now Smiles To Say, "Commodore, Better Get Married,"
I Look Just Clueless To Which He Simply Replies, "There Is No Girl."

True He Was As She Had Simply Disappeared,
I Started Thinking Of My Sleep Needs That Day,
I Looked Around Again In A Hope To Find The Girl,
I Had Compromised My Routine As The Commodore.

Then I Immediately Realized It Was My Wild Phantasm,
Now This Was Just A Plain Illusion Of A Tired Sailor's Mind,
No Mermaids Could Have Ever Existed In Reality & Were Fake,
I Turned Towards The Deck To Go Back To My Bunk For Sleeping.

As I Climbed Down The Stairs To Enter My Room Amazed & Dazed,
I Saw Her Standing And Waiting For Me By The Side Of My Bunk,
I Accepted That Delusion Of My Mind & Started To Lie Down,
She Said, "I'm As Real As Your Thoughts, Don't Fear Me."

She & I-Me & Her, Had The Best Time That Night,
In The Morning She Was Gone & Was Just Gone,
Disappeared Into Thin Air While I Was Asleep,
Each Day I So Dearly Long For Her To Return.
November 28, 2012 poem.

7 Stanzas Of A Beautiful Open-Eyed Dream Written In A Lonely Evening Reflecting Upon What I Lost Due To The May 7, 2010 Accident.

Read the entire Angel Saga by me, Atul Kaushal.
https://hellopoetry.com/collection/13567/the-angel-saga/

My HP Poem #19
©Atul Kaushal

I thank you all so much for the overwhelming response that this poem has received.

If you get interested in reading any of my novels after having read this poem then do visit https://www.amazon.in/Atul-Kaushal/e/B00NIQ5MTC/ for buying any of my stories.
 Apr 2014 Wednesday
Mike Hauser
Gone...
Everything I've ever held
Family, friends, and dreams
All that's left I can afford
The dry and empty screams

Because...
All that's left inside me now
Is the numbness of my soul
Of life's held bitter wind of change
In which I have no control

How...
Do I take this latest hit
Another bruise upon my soul

How...
Can I dig my way out of this
Deep and darkened hole

How...
Do I find the strength to climb
When this life has worn me out

How...*
Can I expect an answer
When I'm filled with so much doubt

Yes, Life is a Tragedy
A scream in the middle of being formed
How often have I begged the lonely question
*The reason I was born...
Well isn't this a happy poem! And just a poem it is although it may touch a few of you out there I pray that you don't let life get you down...
Have a nice day!
Last night i almost lost you
and i remembered everything.
The songs you taught me to sing
every joke we annoyed mom with
how you knew everyone we ran into on the street.
I realized
that i cannot imagine what it will be like
if you miss
my high school graduation
my first day of college
my wedding day...
and i know that you might not make it
long enough to experience
all of those things.
but i can simply not imagine my life
without you here.
For Gramps, whose pulse stopped in surgery last night.  He is more stable now (thank God) but I am terrified to lose him.
So the sky is the limit--
I don’t care;
I’ll build me a rocket
To get up there.

Don’t tell me the odds,
I know there’s no air;
I’ll find my own oxygen,
I’ll take every dare.

Don’t get onto me,
Come on, be fair;
But if you need a lift,
I’ll take you there.
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