*******
It's cold down here 
You're pulling me down so deep
I'm terrified of the monsters that reside
in your depth
but the cold, while descending to the bottom,
is so refreshing

It's dark down here
I need to swim up for air
but my muscles are tightening
and I'm so scared
It's darker than velvet
I sense slight movement
indicating there is still life
in even the most deadliest of places

I'm known for wading
lingering on the surface
so this is further than I ever wanted to dive
But as my heart rate is slowing
I am becoming comfortable
with the frigid grasp
that I have been avoiding for years

It's cold
Please, just let me swim up
for one last breath
to feel the sun's warmth
one last time
before I try accept that this is
the right decision

I'm so scared.

it started at five
I tried and I tried
I did not understand
why people wanted me to die
my mother
the others
taunting me
haunting me
I was curious
red and shy
full of hope
I would harm no fly
please, just tell me
why,
why?!

next thing I know
its junior high
this is the time
where we all have to try
god forbid
you don't fit in
don't show weakness
don't let them see you cry
the taunting
the haunting
on your back
a bullseye
spoke of being a friend
in a week
you're alone to mend
hope for the future
is running dry
people questioning
why I'm still choosing
to be alive

highschool was a mess
so college will be my high
a phrase I told myself
unknowingly full of lies
again and again,
I try to make friends,
at first full of grace
then evil behind their eye
taunting
haunting
I will never escape
why, why
do people push me to die

now I'm twenty-five
and I let out a painful sigh
there is nothing left
I am drained
of all emotional supplies
who I call "friends"
wasting my time
it worked, everybody!
all your taunting
all your haunting
it worked,
because here I am
just praying that I die