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oh me oh my Nov 2014
i do not sleep,

though i weep.
oh me oh my Oct 2014
there's a mantra screaming inside my brain and it's eating me alive

i can't stop thinking if she felt it or if it hurt or what she's seen
did she feel the machinery eat into her flesh and snap her bones like in a ******* movie scene

did she see the ground become the sky and the sky the ground
or did she see the trees as they grew upside down

did she see her life in her eyes
does she know that all we've done is cry

did she feel the tons of steel barrel into her and rip her limb from limb?

did she feel any fear?
a girl died today as she was getting off the bus. i did not know you, but i remember you. i am so sorry. you were only in the seventh grade. everyone saw.
oh me oh my Oct 2014
i want to be pretty and i want to be vivacious and i want to wear ripped jeans and i want to have smooth skin and i want to be shorter and i want to have cheekbones so jutted i could slit throats and i want to dye my hair blue and i want to color my irises green and i want to stain walls with sadness and love and heartbreak and ruin them with holes and break my hands so i can feel my bones crack so i can feel something and be pushed up against them at 3 in the morning with a boy with his hands so tight around me and my legs so tight around him i feel ******* weightless and i want to watch the blood run from my wrists and thighs again and i want to say im sorry and i want to be confident and i want boys and even girls to love me and i want to stop hating myself and i want to stop ruining people's lives because i cant express myself and i want to write novels about strangers who wonder about the universe and why they matter in this insignificant world when nothing matters at all with coffee and paint stained canvases and i want to love someone and i want to grow up and i want to find myself and i want to know
who
i
am
and,

god.  

*i want to live
i am so, so lost.
oh me oh my Sep 2014
you listen.

when he tells you
you
are
worthless.

when he tells you
you'll
never
be
anything.

when he tells you
it's
always
your
fault.

when he tells you
you
aren't
good
enough.

you listen.
because im your father, and you have to respect your parents. you're just 16, you don't know anything. you won't succeed, you'll be just like your druggy brother, your other drop out brother. you're just like my bipolar ex fiance, that's the kind of stuff she would pull, you know better. you don't need that medicine, just get over it. you're going to hell for believing in that, you don't know any better, you're just 16. you are so disrespectful to sit there and talk back to me. you're wrong, wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong, im always right, you're only 16, you don't know anything. youll grow out of it, you need to do better, you need to try harder, you'll never amount to anything. you need to stop, you need to listen, you need to think. why are you crying because i raised my voice to get my point across, you weren't listening, you should've known better, you need to hear the truth. you need to get your act together, you're 16. you don't need to say things like that, you don't need to go there, you can tell them you can't go, you're only 16.
oh me oh my Aug 2014
some girl muttered,
under her pretty breath,
through her bubblegum round lips-

that i was a train wreck-
a walking,
talking,
breathing,
train
wreck.

and i agreed.

because i'm not a beautiful suicide,
i didn't land on the top of a fancy limousine,
i didn't leap from the top of the empire state building,

i wreck full force and careless,
i wreck into others without braking,
i wreck in the middle of absolutely no where with no one to care
i wreck in small towns and i ruin lives.

i ruptured their organs
and i ripped their flesh-
i ruined their bones
and i ripped their ligaments-
i readjusted their joints
and i ravished their brains.

i slit their throats and
wrists
thighs
hips
just so i wouldn't feel alone
they were the same as me.
Sometimes I get really upset during showers and remember I'm not a very nice person. I haven't cut in almost a year- 10/22/13.
oh me oh my May 2014
she hates me.
she doesn't know me.
she took him away.

her eyes are brown but they're tinted green with the scales of the monster that lurks beneath.

her fingernails are short but they grow sharp into claws and take him away from me because of the green monster that lurks in her fingertips.

her words are sweet but they cut me with the teeth of the green scaled monster that inhabits her tongue.

and he lets her.
and he lets her.
and he lets her.
i can't stop running to him.
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