My heart breaks

From all the wishes I’ve made

Looking up at the stars

That never came true.

My voice shakes

I feel my knees trembling

And my hands shaking

As I look at you.

Across the room,

You sit in a table

Circled by friends

You’ve known for three days.

Across the room,

I isolate myself

Listening to music

Stuck in a daze.

Such beautiful girls,

You’re surrounded by.

They really know how to bump and grind.

Such different worlds,

We’d never collide.

A girl like me is hard to find.

It’s peculiar how we let people into our lives, and they go a swiftly as they come.


I am a castle with walls built high, but my knights are weak. It’s tiring to bring down my gates and close it again, and again, and again.


I’ve been home to many travelers with whom I have been very hospitable with. I’ve watched as they slowly unveil their secrets, desires, and passions. I’ve grown to appreciate and care for everyone of them, until it is again time for my weak knights to bring down the gates and let them go,

but I don’t even get to say goodbye.

Desks and chairs and messy hair
Student rankings, must compare.
Always having something due--
Wake up at eight, slept at two.

Coffee, Red Bull, I need more
To push through my every chore.
My health and sanity is growing ill,
But all I need is an Adderall pill.

"It will be worth it in the end," I'm told,
But this college thing is getting old.
Always working and losing sleep
Because I have straight As to keep.

"Amazing essay," "Good job!" they say,
But they don't know of the price I pay.
They never listen to what I need or want
Unless it's in Times New Roman, 12 pt font.

And everyday you tell yourself: "I feel great," because this makes you feel whole. People see and believe that you're doing fine--great, even.

But then at night, as you drive yourself home, brush your teeth, and lie in bed... alone...

You yearn for someone beside you. Your independence is a mask because as much as you long for someone, it's been a series of uninteresting people, misguided decisions, and hurtful misconnections.

But it's okay. You breathe in... breathe out... fall asleep... You'll wake up in the morning, everything is okay, and you tell yourself: "I feel great."

Five fingers up
Are you ready to play?
Look around the room
Five strikes and you’re out.

"Never have I ever:
Fallen in love.”
Do you remember him?
It’s been years,
You don’t remember as much
As you used to,
But you remember exactly how he made you feel.
Thumb down.

"Never have I ever:
Had *** to make myself feel better.”
Well, I mean, you tried.
You thought *** with a stranger would make you feel better.
You did it not to feel better,
But to feel something.
Remember the first time it happened?
He changed the way you think about ***.
Because he treated you as if you were nothing
But to be of use.
Lust is lust.
And that was it—
The first of many.
Pointer finger down.

"Never have I ever:
Been on an airplane.”
Oh goodness, you love the clouds.
The sky…
How long has it been since you’ve been home?
Moving away isn’t easy
Especially when you’re alone,
And you’re too poor to buy
Plane tickets.
******* down.

"Never have I ever:
Had sushi.”
What?! Sushi is amazing.
That day when you were hurt
Alone, scared, and sad
Your face was stuffed with
Ice cream, chips, cookies,
And sushi.
Of course.
Ring finger down.

You’re down to your last finger,
Which one will it be?
The one last strike
That will bring more unease.

"Never have I ever:
Hurt myself.”
Destroy what destroys you;
That’s what they say.
But have they ever wondered,
What if I destroy myself?
So after I realized this
I made a plan
To avoid feeling pain,
As much as I can.

Every boy to spark a flame
Has always disappointed.
So feelings I must tame
To keep myself guarded.
Cause there’s already been so much pain
That I’ve brought upon myself.

I hope too much and this is my flaw
I keep a cold front,
But you’re just too hot.
Don’t melt me now,
Your hugs are too warm
And your kisses aren’t empty.
I’m not used to this.
It’s all in my head.

But truly, help me
I don’t like this.
Because honestly…
Never have I ever
Felt this way.

I once saw the world in your eyes;
I still think of you.

It wasn’t until I saw you in my dreams that I realized:
You’re just fiction in my mind.

You never deserved a spot in my head—
a constant string of unaware thought.

I still think of you…
and I have no idea why.

Well
baby, it’s
hard to forget
the look on your face
when you leaned in for that
first kiss because it was the last thing
I was expecting. We were not romantic,
and I had such a naive heart. I kissed
back because your hands told me
that you were untouchable.
That was when I learned
that my heart enjoyed
being just as cold
as yours.
♡

So young, so light,
so free of fright.
Not very shy
to be alive.

We all have our vices
all kept in vain.
We keep them intact
to take away pain.

But darling...

Dig a little deeper,
what's really going on?
Are these really friends you're with
at the crack of dawn?

Short-lived stories,
a series of sin,
heavenly fantasies
enraged from within.

Sniff harder, drink more;
distractions galore.
But don't cry when
they're not here anymore.

To use, be used;
what hope you seek...
Youthful, confused
what fine defeat.

It hurts, it burns...
Like ice, it numbs.

What else can youth bring
than fear of what you've become?