Today
I'll admit
That my pride
Was swept aside
For a moment
As I read my
Old thoughts of you
The tears nearly
Spilling over
I thought about you
How we lost a friendship
In its first stages
I thought about your dimples
And how I almost
Miss you
But we cannot fix these wounds
And forever we lost
Something
A something that
For you meant so little
You and your shameful shame
Yes hushboy this is about you
And how you changed
All for the worse
At least this time when I fell
I finally had someone to catch me
So thank you
For helping me give
Someone else a chance
I guess even a hatred
Can bring something loving
And good into someones life
Hate helps us find comfort in
The arms of our true loved ones.

The truth is
I could never
Love someone
If they didn't
Know about
My past
I could never
Be happy with
Someone who
Doesn't know
The facts
Because if they
Don't know
Who I was
If they can't
Accept what I've done
Or been through
How can they accept me
As I am

Its as though
They smell my
Weaknesses
Long before they
Attack
They must know

They must.

Truth is
I never
Want you
To leave me
But I know
That sometimes
We have to be apart

I'm just so comfortable
With your arms around me.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I love you

I'm sorry

Can you forgive me?

Hatred
Bred from
False lies
Hate in your soul
Causing
You to unhappily die
You see
Hate is not pure
And your hate
I know for sure
Your desires buried
By this loathing
I'm glad your gutless
Because it keeps you away
But still I know
It'd be better for us both
If your hatred wasn't so determined to stay.

That's just it

Sometimes

I wish I saw

With your eyes

So maybe I could understand

The beauty you see on me.

I hope you know

The only thing

I have ever wanted

Was to spend my life

Happy and in love

And when we met

I knew I finally had a chance.

I remember our life
The one that started
When you walked
Up to me and asked
Me to be a part of
Your life
And I eventually
Accepted
I think about all
The time I spent
Loving you
Being in your arms
All our laughs and smiles
Each breathtaking kiss
I then begin to wonder
About our future together
The wedding certificate
Sharing a bed
A home
My life entwining with yours
And our child
A beautiful sign of
Our undying love
This little baby
That is made of part you and part me
Raising this child with you
Growing old together
And dying so happily
And still so in love.

It's almost always

Easier to go down

Something

Than to go up

**Almost Always.

Always

Try

To

Make

Me

Wanna

Stay

                       I Can't Do It Alone.

I think about
Holding them
Laughing at
Their first smile
Filled with delight
That fateful day
When they begin
To cause havoc
Meaning when they
Can walk
Shouting with joy
At their first word
Hoping they stay this innocent
And breathtaking for
As long as possible
I think about them a lot
Because even though
You and I haven't created
Them quite yet
One day we will
And we'll be ready.

What is there to say
I will be a year older
Yes I the outcast
Of society
This marks another
Year closer
To freedom
To casinos
And maybe a drink
But why should we
Celebrate
You see
I'm old enough to see
Just how lonely I can be
I will spend my day
"The day "
Alone
Roaming the streets
Waving goodbye
To all those years
Of parties
Where I only invited
Two friends
Because it's all I had
I'll be waving goodbye
To the memories of
Crying each year
For no good reason
You see this year
I'm one step closer
To being
Not only a fully
Grown woman
But an adult
And with age
Comes a new responsibility
I just wish
I was good with goodbyes
Or with handling life
But hey maybe this year
Things will change
But if not
Let's have some
Great ******* cake instead.

I was only 11
When my prince
Strode up
And asked
For a dear friendship
I was intoxicated
By him
My friend
Who made
Me laugh
And smile
Made my heart swell
And break all at once
My love that was
A miniature
Explosion in my chest
Every time he'd look
Me in the eyes
My prince vanished
For quite some time
And at 15
I met my king
He proved
He wasn't that
Silly prince
Who was ashamed
Slightly more fearless
He took my hand
And I certainly don't plan
On letting go.

I wish
You were
Here
To hold me
And help
Me feel better
I wish you were here
So I can know
That everything
Will be okay.

I realized today
That you
Are unlike
Any other
Because
You
Are the only one
That can make me
Happy
In each and every way
You see you've always
Been my everything
And I waited patiently
To be yours
And I hope you know
Your the only
One
That will
Ever
Make me feel
Like living.

Life
Will always
Seek it's
Revenge

For all of
Your
Wrong
Doings.

Of course
I love the way
Your hands
Have begun to
Linger at my waist
Your new way to hold me
Of course I love it
When you kiss me
With SO much passion
That each time it takes my breath away
And of course
I love it when you kiss me
And grab a handful of my hair
Making messy and
Then best of all
How you tug it lightly
And my head tilts back
Or tries to
But my lips are
So attached to yours
They'd hate to let go
I feel claimed as yours
When you do this
I like being claimed
Especially by you.

Sleep would be
Sweet

But to sleep beside you
Sweeter.

For many years
You have been
A part of my life
Inhabited it
In some way or another
But you
Have always been
Deep within me
My soul
My spirit always
Reaching for yours
And once I looked into your eyes
I knew no other
Would ever
Could ever
Steal my heart like you did
In that very moment we met.

No fear my love
For you
Will always be
My one true love
You see
You were my first
And if you keep me close
Hopefully my last too.

Kindness given
Positive reinforcement
And I'm the creepy one

Oh what a typical day
In the life of me.

I love you
Love the way
You kiss me
And hold onto me
Sometimes your hands
Lingering at my waist
And my face lights up
I love the way
You look me in the eyes
And how you say
I love you
I love that you mean it
And that you want to spend forever with me
I love that we
Want a child someday
And we both want it badly
I love the way you cry
And I cry
For each other
Just because
And how we can be jealous
Not because lack of trust
In one another
But because neither
Of us seem to trust the world
We've both been disappointed by people
Even each other
But we're stronger
Together
Than we ever could be apart
So I love those freckles on your ears
And the way your eyes shimmer
I love the way you
Open your eyes when you kiss me
And I love the way you want me close
No matter whose watching
Yes,
I love all of these things
BUT
It's not WHY I love you
You see I love you
Not for what you look like
Or the things you do
But for the kindness in your heart
And the way you make jokes
I love you for your fear
And for your patience
I love you for everything that you are
Your fear of clowns and spiders
And your insecurities
Because to me
Their just perfect
To me
Your amazing
And I love you
For everything that you are
Everything.

I'm sorry we can't make love

I'm even more sorry

That I will

Make you need to.

I've been waiting

To come home

And I'm delighted

To say

I'm almost there.

You brighten

Each day

For that

I love you

Even more.

I'll tell you the truth
Love hasn't played
A part in my life
Because honestly
It's always been
My life
I've always searched
Always wanted it
My childhood
Filled with false ideals
Of whom I love
And when I gave up
It found me
In the form
Of him
And I'll admit
The beginning of
Those first four years
That I knew
This magical person
Who had first stolen my heart
Was NOT
Easy
But here I am 5 years later
And hoping
That I spend my life with him
Not many believe in
Love at first sight
Teenage love lasting
Or even the IDEA of soul-mates
But in my heart
I know their real
They exist
They Last
Okay
I might seem insane
In saying love
Has controlled my life for
Years and years
But it's true
Because it's all I've wanted
Haven't you ever seen a romance movie
And just though
"AW I want that too"
I have
I've wanted love since the
Very first day I can remember
And It came to me
In the form of him.

Please don't bring it up
I don't like it when you do
I don't want you to like it
Or hate it
Or deal with it
Or stick up for it
Just shrug
The subject away
I hate it
When it comes up
Because no matter
What you say it stings.

The last few days
Have been strange
I haven't been eating
My emotions
And I always have

I am NOT
A thin girl
Nor medium sized
And I can't help that
But this is odd

Nausea replacing my
Urge to eat away
The stress or sorrow
A rumbling in my stomach
Screaming
Please no food

I'm a eater
My mother and father too
So why have I not been hungry

I've been thinking about
Dieting soon
Could this be my
Subconscious saying
You don't have to
I'll take care of that for you

I'm mystified
Usually I drink endlessly
Always thirsty
And always drinking more
Than anyone else
And yet I felt less thrist
In these last days
Completely ignored the full cup
Even when my mouth was dry
A sip would satisfy

Somethings wrong
But I'm not gonna ask
It's okay not to eat
At least not like I use to

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise
I just hope everything turns out okay.

I know it'll be
Hard at first
But nothing
Starts off easy
That's why the damsel
In distress
Is first in a bad place
Before her knight
Rescues her
And that's
Why every
Fairy tale princess
Starts off
With an issue
So they can meet
Their Prince
And get a happy ending
Despite their bad beginning
I know it won't be easy
Nothing worth while ever is
But In the end
We will be okay
In fact we'll be
Happy.

Feeling
Alone

Because I know

You won't see it


Until it's too late.

Please

I beg


Please

Visit my

Dreams tonight.

Just your name
Emitting from my lips
Made me taste
Venom upon my
Long untouched lips.

Now
I whisper
Goodnight
To my little
Piece of sunshine.

I feel

Horrible

And I wish
You were here
To hold me.

Me?
I would risk
Death
Just to
See
Your
Face.

You
Are
My fiancee
My lover
My life
You shall
Be my
Husband
A wonderful
Father to
My someday child
And most of all you
Will always be
My soul mate.

Today I
Craved the
Feeling
Of both your
Stubble and your
Tongue
Running down my neck
Because
I love the way
It gives me chills.

Hold me tight
Promise me
I'm your real love
And all those
Before
Were bad mistakes
Lie to me
Tell me
Your love
For them
Could never
Compare to
The love you have for me
Kiss me
And say
Your marrying me
And no other girl
Will ever
Or has ever
Heard those words
From your lips
I love you
And the past
Can be a bad
Reminder of
The lies we told
But once believed
And I honestly
Would hate
Despise
Loathe
The past
Except
I met you
Somewhere back there
Behind the girls you dated
Behind the ones who hurt you
You and I met
Once so innocent and young
And I have finally gotten you
I just never want to let go
I don't wanna be one of those girls.

Don't let me be.