The day we met to kiss
You asked me
To take a chance on you
To be yours again
To put aside the past
And the pain
And simply be yours
And I took that chance
And I was happy
Everyday because
I finally made a good choice
But here I am now
Asking you to take a chance on me
To put aside your pain and your fear
Just like I did
And let me prove that even the deepest wounds
Can be healed with love
With time
And with a deep rooted affection
Give me the chance I gave you
And maybe just maybe
We dont have to give up
On our time together
Just fight for it together.

I just thought
When i asked you
What you wanted
You'd chose US
Rather than me and you
I thought when i said
Its too hard to let go
You'd say
So dont
I thought everything
Was okay after that phone call
At 2 in the morning
But i guess i was in denial too.

Once upon a time
I was beautiful
I was your paragon
Once upon a time
You saw passed my flaws

Now in the aftermath of what
Was suppose to be our happy ending
I see myself as less than
All the sweet caressing words
That once made my heart
Aflame with joy
Now I see the ugliness
And the complete imperfection
Of who I am
And yet it does not help
The words come back
Nothing I ever do or say
Or feel
Will ever let me get a single of those
Sweet words back.

I know I hurt you
I know you want retribution
For all I've done over the years
And that no amount of apologies
Can make up for my wrongs
But I regret them all
I learned from them though
I learned that *** is wretched without love
And one day I suppose
In making it all fair
You'll see that
I learned that love
Is more valuable than pride
In our time together
I forgave you
Took you back
Buried the hatchet
Because my love outweighed
My pain
And I suppose
It truly was I that loved most
And yet I know
You'd still put up a fight saying differently
So in this time I realized that
This life without you in it to comfort me
Is unbearable and my heart
Aches with the sorrow
The past taught me
That I can't give up
Even when it seems like
Its my only option
The past showed me that
When your down
You have to fight harder
Because you can't let the current
Sweep you away
My past is a hideous thing
And besides the time with you
I'd like to erase every bit
But at least i learned
At least the lessons
Gave me faith and kept me faithful
At least even if you never forgive me
You know your loved
At least you know
You'll always have a bed to come to
Even if its broken.

I want to see you
I miss you

But i know i can't see you,
Still I know you'd have
Enough self control
Not to kiss me
And yet I'd have every hope
That you woud give away
To control and just let it happen
Because thats where the connection
Truly starts
With a thrilling kiss
One thats comfortable
Yet breathtaking
I know you'd have enough
Self control
To try and push me away
But I'd have every hope
That when I held your hand in mine
You'd slip into the bliss.

I thought there was movement
That something was finally
Moving foward
But in the end i see
We remain in the same place
Our feet concrete
Immovable
But I'd do it all again
I'd pour my heart out again
Just for those three words.

I'm a gambler at heart

When i was little
I cared with great capacity
For my mother's spending
And cared too little about mine
I saved up and to get the snack
I was craving
And i spent fast
I grew up on all
Card games
Waging candy
And pennies
And nail polish colors
That i never wore
I like to put something important
On the line and be doubted
So that when i win
Im twice as victorious
I find i believe in myself more
Have more motivation
More faith in myself
So i like to play virtual poker
And play with friends
Whenever i can
But the real excitement comes
In the anticipation
Of it all
Im a gambler
Even though im too young
For the casino
And have never even seen one
And yes
I gamble in life too
But sometimes
You have to prove to yourself
How much your capable of
And how if you truly
Want something
All you have to do is try your hardest
And hope you come out okay
Even if your not always a winner.

I say it again and again
Yet it continues to fall
Upon silent ears.

I love him

So we cannot be

We're friends

Nothing more

My heart doesnt sing your name

The way it sings his

And when my body pleads

It only pleads for him

So please

Save yourself the heartache

And just be my friend

I want nothing more.


I'm sorry.

I thought you wanted to wake up
Beside me one day to see my hair
All askew and laugh as I say
Well here's Medusa
I thought you wanted to
Live with me
And make love wildly
I thought you wanted to live
With our cats
And smile as we called each other
Mommy and daddy
I thought we were gonna sign papers
Saying we were legally wed
Me in a white dress with red petals and flowers
And you in your casual tuxedo
I thought one day I'd get to see you actually
Wear a tuxedo
I thought that's what you wanted
I thought you wanted me
My craziness
My love
My laughter and smile
My passion
I know I wanted you,
Your laugh and smile
Your happiness
You in your infinitely silly self
I accepted you
Craziness and all
And I thought one day
My love would triumph
And you'd accept me
But the world comes crashing
And I suppose you let your dreams slip away
While I sit incomplete wishing still,
For them all to come true.

The thing that hurts the most
Is the brutal and unrelenting truth

**You don't care
You don't love me
And your easily
Burying all the memories
Of us while they replay
In my mind on and on
Forever reminding me
That I wasn't good enough
That I was unlovable.

Have you realized
That It was only
20 mere days ago
You proposed again
And that I didn't know
Because you asked in French
And did you know
When I realized
I cried and said yes
And missed you
And wanted your kiss
More than anything
Have you realized only last week
I was planning on being forever yours
And you forever mine

That scar
That sits somewhere
Near your eyebrow,
Yes that one,
The one I ran my fingers over
A million times
Until you finally learned
That you don't need to flinch
No one will ever love that scar
Like I did
Maybe it was my way
Of cherishing
Even the imperfections
That erupted every so often
Maybe it's because if all images
Have mentally faded
That scar remained
Maybe its because I just liked
To touch you
And seeing your reaction,
Like when I'd play with your hair
And you told me it calmed you
And I smiled and continued
Maybe its as simple as
I like the feeling
When were close.

The major problem with him

Is quite simple

**He's not you.

I fought against being clingy
Despite your requests
Because i knew
Once i became clingy
You'd see me for my weakness
Not for my strength
And our blossoming love
Would forever die and fade





*Oh how right i was

Never again
Will my body
Be caressed
Or cared for
Nor shall it
Be seen again
My body will rot
And die
Thinking
Of the lover
Who took me
Fiercely
And often
Who i shared
Passion with
Who i experimented with
Who i let teach me
And who i moaned for
Whose name i whimpered for
The lover who is one of a kind
Who i let try things that hurt
And things that felt amazing
No matter how nervous
The lover who
I said those three words to
That lover
Who i will never
Get to make love to again
That lover who no longer exists.

I cried so hard that night
Thanking God
For this last
Year and a half
Telling him how
I tried
And how i loved you
And how i shouldve listened
To his signs that it
Simply wasnt time
But he has yet to answer
If it'll ever get to be the right time.


So i fade back into the past and pray for you
Like i always use to do
Pray that you stay in my life
Even if im broken
Pray that one day you'll see
That i looked at you with more love
Than most humans can understand
Pray for God to find a way.

Its a reflex now,
When my shirt twists in
My bed and exposes my stomach,
That i rub my hands over it
And think of them
Our old dreams
Of innocent children
In which we love
Its a bad habit
To imagine holding them
In my arms
And when reality comes back
I hold in tears
For though they were never real
They once were to me
And now they're dead
Along with all my dreams.

You lie to us both
Saying that someone can
Replace everything
Replace the engagement
And the love,
The passion,
The utter flame of love
We weld from the depths
Of God's grace
He is not you
But a solution
Because though
I may never love
At least i am distracted
When he's around
At least for a moment
He can make me smile
And forget the ache
But you have to know
I cant love him
I cant love anyone
Because i still love you.

This is what you wanted

Because what i wanted was you,

Was a special love

Was a happiness that my dreams

Told me would be real

But your lips said never would be.

Maybe you loved me once
But in the end i doubt you did
It was all just a lie you told yourself,
Just like the others,
And in the end i was hurt the most
My arrow cannot wound a heart
Not already wounded by love
My words cannot soar through it
If you dont care.

My tears,
The bitter rain in which
I once loved,
They run down my face,
The face with the mask
Of joy and contentment
And yet beneath is
Utterly destroyed
By unsatisfaction
By loss in something
I believed was everlasting
By a love that was always
Incompleted because of reality

I can't even return to my sanctuary
Because it reeks of memories of us.

I caught myself
From saying your name
And the realization
That your name still lingers
On my lips
Only reminded me
Of the flame you
Use to leave upon them
With your amazing kiss
And how no other
Can ever compare to that.

Why does it always seem so easy for you

To fly in and out on your golden chariot

And yes I'm partially to blame

Because i'm the one who painted it gold

Why does the wind no longer hit me with cool air

But a numbing one

That calms my aching soul

Why has my mind moved forward and my heart

Stand completely still

Why do i know this is the right thing to do

But my tears disagree

Why have we let the world cave in

And let something strong and breathtaking go

Why is it that we said goodbye only to say hello again

*Why?

I hope you find who you are
Who and what you want to be in life
I hope, no matter how it hurts me
That you find the true great love of your life
I hope shes godly and pure
I hope shes straight and makes you happy
I hope see loves you as much as i have
I hope she sees you the way i always did
And i hope you live happily ever after.

My mind is saying
Your okay
Your moving forward
Your trying and thats all
That ever matters
But my heart
It whimpers a plea
*You know
You'll never stop
You know this feeling
Will not fade
You know you cant stop
Thinking about
Every moment
You know finding someone else
Wont fix this gaping hole
You know its okay to cry
Because all your hopes
Your dreams and faith
Have crushed and crumbled
You know you cannot erase the past
Or accept the change
You know the truth no matter
What you do you'll always know
He was your first love
And you will love him
Until beyond time
Hush now girl
Its okay for us to hurt
But be careful of your mind
Because even though its trying
To heal us
It may take away our every chance at happiness.

We've imprinted on one another
Making it impossible to move further
The twisted regret seeps in my soul
Regret for who I am
The ache of my empty life
Of my unhappy and lonely soul
The truth that emerged from
The utter darkness
That soul mates
Do no exist
For what then is it
That chains us
Why can neither of us walk away
Why is this love so strong
As to survive the years
Why has this love been blind
And perfectly sighted
Please explain what you are to me
If not the soul mine aches for
Are you an imposter
Are you simply not the one
Or is the harsh reality
That they do not exist
Because if they don't
What was it i was searching for
All those years before you came along
My bloodied heart heals only by you
And yet little healing has come
And I await
Knowing that in the end
You were right
But so was i
Because despite
How you belittle my faith in soul mates
I believe
But i fear now for us
Because deep inside
You do not accept me
And you've hurt me
And i dont feel the warmth anymore
Its as though those words severed us
Cut the link i once felt that told me
Soul mates were real
So now I'm clueless whats real
And whats not
Im a lost girl
Begging for safety.

Sometimes I  wonder
About your love
And whether
Your hearts care
Is fading
Sometimes
Despite everything
It feels like our hopes
For our future together
No longer exists
Like you stole it from me
Locked it away
Along with the tenderness
Care and sense of romance
I worry if our flame has burned out
Or if my heart is still too wounded
To feel your love like before.

My world shattered
The diamonds that cascaded my life
Broke and fell around me
Shimmering in horror
For I have nothing left
And i try so hard now
To sweep up the glass
And put something, anything together
I try to make something out of nothing
But the ashes of the lost dreams
That now seem so hopeless
I fight for strength
When the aching is constant
And I'll move on and pretend
That nothing broke
That there never was
A sparkling world that has fallen apart
I'll put away some shards
Hoping one day everything will
Return to its former glory
But even my hope feels
Bitter and useless
I am no longer who i was years ago
Nor just last night
I'm the girl standing on the mound
Of all her failures
Searching for something good
Something solid and everlasting
And finding nothing
Ploping down in the mound of broken moments
That we never got to have
And all the ones we did
I'm the girl who is nothing
But the glass you step on outside
Or the dirt sweeping up in the wind.

Sometimes us writers
Feel more outcasted
Than the average outsider.


**Gosh we're so analytical

Your everything to me
Your smile cradles my aching heart
And all I wish for is your everlasting presence
I need your comforting hugs
And your sweet soothing kisses
Our passion that makes us wild
Can only be soothed
By our harmonious love making
Oh how sweet and tender your touch is
Yet so rough and precise
Knowing my body's every weakness
And when we're done we have each
A sweet sense of easement in our lives
As though entwining bodies
Makes life a little easier to live
You give me faith in life
Every bit of strength I find
Is found in my happiness of being yours
You are the goodness in all this chaos
And I awake each morning
Only to get closer to the day we can be reunited
Oh my sweet lover I miss you
For you are my everything
Even when it seems like I have nothing.




*I love you

I hope that
If you look me in the eyes
You might see my love
Faithful and undying
Incapable of withering
Only hurting
And as unbearable
As the pain may be
You may look into my eyes
And still see an unfaltering love
My love deeper than the depth of the seas
Stacked upon on one another
My love so grand and endless
Will you cherish it
Look me in the eyes
See it
See how I feel
And wrap me in your arms
Make the pain dissipate
With those three blissful words
Make it clear that I am yours
And you are mine
And that we are only each others
For now and always.

Your the only man
I could ever see a future with

The only one I can see
Myself marrying

I always imagined having a child
And it would always be our baby

I dreamed of us and our marriage
My dress and your unhappily worn suit

We'd live together so happily
Sharing that bed
And you'd no longer fake sleep

I'd call you husband and you'd call me wife

We'd raise that child together
Teach him right from wrong

We'd die together
Or one after the other
And our souls would see


Exactly what I always suspected
That we were meant to be

That we have been bonded since the
Very beginning
And that's why we haven't given up

That's why no matter what
We'd return to each others arms


You get blinded sometimes
I do too
And as lovers
It's our jobs to help the other see

There's something here SO
Worth fighting for

So baby don't let go
*Let our dreams come true.

I want a magic wand

Just a flick of the wrist and
Everything could be better
I can make myself into
The perfect girl for you

Just one flick of the wrist
And I can have you back,
Right here, by my side again

Just one flick of the wrist
And school wouldn't make me cave

Just one flick of the wrist
And I'd no longer be chained
By the child who keeps me in

Just one flick of the wrist
And we could be happy again.