Everyone's right,
I don't deserve this
But its all I do,
Suffer for your words
When I tried and tried
When I felt God
Comfort me in prayer
Its with all my strength
I refrain from blood
Because I will not
Let the evil see me weak
I will not bleed because
They have won
They wanted me alone,
Weak, injured
But I won't falter
Because despite
What you say
I will not be ******.

I told him
That I wanted to cut
Because I do
Because the person
Who I love
Has faded
Left me to die
Declared me ******
Abandoned me
And destroyed me
With the reality
That I was never good enough
So now I tell him I'm ugly
And he calls me beautiful
And I laugh a broken laugh
For how untrue those words
Have always been.

My heart is the ash
You dug up
From the pit
Of despair
My soul
Crushed
I don't care
How scary it is
If it would help
I wish to see
Because I need to understand

It doesn't matter
Nothing ever will
If I'm ******
I don't know how
And the truth is
I wish i could
Fix it
Because I'd do anything
But I'm alone
And prayer is all I have
Because every moment
Is like I'm on my knees
Begging for safety
Begging God to guide me away
Because being here is too much
You didn't love me
Baby you loved that
I loved you
I'm doomed
And like you said
Nothing here can save me
I will die
And go
And I will be alone
They will take me
Because they found the best way
To make me weak
To take you away

You used me
I was your crutch
Whenever you felt weak
You used me
And I savored
Being leaned on
Now all that remains
Is ash in my lap
Where you use to lay
The blood boils in
Utter hope that I give in
Give into the pain
But if one thing
Being your crutch taught me
It was that sometimes
You have to rebel
Even if you feel like your losing
You have to tell yourself
There's a chance
No matter how little

Our love is  like the titanic
We built it up
Watched as it grew
To a huge size
And then
We watched
As it broke
And crumbled
And all its innards
Came out
In what is a miserable massacre

Its so cloudy here,
Because my sunshine,
He died last night,
Or rather he killed the
Connection we shared
So we are severed
Forever it seems
And I will die alone
Just as suspected
Die miserably
Alone.

My insides are twisted
My heart says find a way
Figure it out and be his
And my mind goes
Tsk tsk tsk
Telling me to feel
Only anger and spite
Neither is the right option
So I'm at a standstill
I'm in love with a man
Who's still dicatated like a boy
I'm torn between fighting for
And just giving up on
I can't be the only one fighting
Not anymore
My aching heart cries out
And I silence it
With a stray hug
But no one can fix me

It was all one beautiful
Heartbreaking lie
You drop me like
I am nothing
After saying
How much I mean
Your cruel
Lovers are suppose
To help each other
Not abandon them
Their forbidden words
Can't stop us forever
So what happens when you're free
What happens if the evil doesn't rise
And what if it does
Will you come for me.

There are so many things
I'm scared to do again
Like fall in love
Like hold hands
Or kiss
To hug
To call them
Baby
To dream
To laugh
I'm scared
Of moving on
Making love
With anyone new
Doing anything
With someone new
I feel frozen
The pain reaching every
Inch of me
I can't actually move on
But maybe I can pretend to

I don't even get
An answer
You left me,
Left me with
Heartless words
And a broken heart
That's all I know

I was left with damp dreams
That disappear in my hands
All I have now are my tears
And cconstant reminders,
Each moment is agonizing.

My mom told me
That God promotes love
And I rather believe her
Than you
Because the God I know
Wouldn't abandon
Wouldn't give up
Not on any of his children
So I believe in God
But I believe
He wanted us
To be together
Not torn apart
And utterly
Destroyed.

You looked at me
Like you loved me
Like I was special
Held my hand tight
Made love to me
Hugged me
Told me how
Important
Those hugs were
How they made you
Feel good
You adventured
Somewhere new with me
You kissed my neck
And told me
That you loved me
You were here
With me,
Mine
Just yesterday
And today your gone
Leaving me
And it feels like my heart
Is bleeding
And as though its cut open
You were everything yesterday
And everything today
But I wasnt anything
Not today
Maybe not yesterday either.

I'd take you back a million times
Because I love you
But each time I trust you less
Oh my heart is broken
We made love yesterday
And yet nothing else seems to matter
No me at all
I loved you
Heart and soul
And you loved me
With body and mind
I'm holding in the tears
Holding in the shattered pieces
If I make it to heaven
And we see each other
I'll forgive you
Even if in my human form
It hurts
Maybe then
I'll be okay
God will love me
Even if you don't.

The wind hits my neck
And I shiver with the mixed emotions
Of pleasure and coldness
But I love it
Because it reminds me
Of your suckling kiss
That always gives me
Goosebumps
And that always
Tickles
And excites me
Oh I don't mind the cold
Because it reminds me
Of your warmth.

I have been called beautiful
By a couple of people
But they just make me laugh
Because they don't know me
Because their not you
Whose seen my stretch marks
And seen the scars
Who knows all my secrets
They dont know
Who I am
Because its only when I'm with you
That the real me comes to life
So they don't see something beautiful
They see unkown territory that
They attempt to uncover
But never will
Because their not you
So when they say I'm beautiful
I simply laugh
But when you say it
I'm silent
Because I take each syllable in
Analyzing that beautiful has
As many syllables as my first name
And that your looking at me
With that spark of raw passion
With the intensity of what you conceive
The truth to be
So maybe I'm beautiful
But only to you.

No one has ever moved me
To tears of happiness,
No one except you
Just looking into your eyes
The pure love explodes
From within my very chest
And I find such a symphony
Of happiness that sings
From somewhere in me
And plays lightly upon my ears
Telling me how amazing I know you are
That just looking into your eyes
Sets mine free
And opens my heart to so many
New things with you
Oh to be close in your arms
And gaze upon those eyes
Makes me feel so alive.

You know me inside and out
You know all my hints
And my twitches
When I have something
Locked up inside me
Begging to scream
You know me so well
And I love it
I love that you know
All my quirks
And can still look at me
And say
Your beautiful, I love you.

All my mind
Asks for is more
More commitment
More love
More attention
More sweetness
More passion
More action
More more more
The greed never ends
I hold down myself to refrain
From the inner neediness
Lock away my weakness
Knowing I'm only fooling myself
Because in the end
I still hear its pleas
But darling please know
I love you so much
And that is why I'm greedy
Because I fear your absence
I fear a life without you.

Your kiss
Like the smell
Of dewy grass
Telling me something
Wonderful as arrived
And your passion
Like wearing flip flops
And running through it
Wet and slippery
Yet so comfortable
All just so serene
And absolutely perfect.

Waiting for
The sweet
Moment in which
You are in my arms
Close and
Within every grasp
Waiting for the moment
You are within my reach
And all I have to do
Is put out my hand for yours.

With you in my life
My smile is so genuine
They never understand why
We go to and fro
And always end up
Together
But i try to explain
Because to me it's quite simple

You're my sun in the cold
And my wind when I'm hot
When I look at you
I think of the northern lights
And I can almost
See them dancing
In your eyes when you look at me
My heart is aflame
With passion
With words that my lips
Never fathom

You will always be my weakness
And my strength in life
And I hope we never part ways
I hope this love is as eternal
As it seems to me
I believe your it
Your the only one
I want to spend the
Rest of my life with

You will always be my sunshine
Even on the cloudiest days
You will aways be my king and I shall
Eternally be your queen
We are a love unlike any other

Nothing in the world
Can change the connection we have,
The way my heart still
Skips,jumps and tingles
Nothing will ever change
The fact that I love you.

I want you
To take me
Here and now
I want to see
Your glorious
Face and feel
Those perfectly
Proportioned lips
Kiss mine
I want to feel them
Slip away down my neck
And make my skin rise
I want to laugh
That warm comfortable
Laugh where you kiss me
Just for my happiness
Fierce and passionate
Uncontrolled and all powerful
So I slip into it
Wanting more
Hands that roam
Passions that say
Anywhere is okay to be wild
I want you to reclaim my body
To take it and do what you please
And so I can do the same with yours
So we can weld together
Our immense love
And make it into action
After action
Of endless thrusts
And whispered
I love you's
All I want
Is you

Do you remember
When you confessed
About the strange woman
Do you remember
How you cried and begged
For my forgiveness
Thats how I feel
Every single day
Guilty shameful
Sorry and regretful
Do you remember that feeling
Like your heart was broken
Because you hurt me
Thats what its like now
I'm broken because
My past can't be erased
And I hurt you
And I feel that shame
That heartache
Everyday
I feel like
My mistakes
Shouldn't hold us back
But its all they do
They bubble to the top
Of your unforgetting mind
And can't be washed away
Or stirred in
For the time we were together
I buried those painful memories
Because I had something new
Something real and wonderful
And now you released the memories
Like they werent three years ago
But just last week
And I stew in my shame
And I wonder
Why it feels like this
Because I was faithful
And yet that fact is so insignificant
Im sorry for my sins
Im sorry that i was lonely
And nothing and wanted
To be wanted
Im sorry I laid there instead of fought
Im sorry they never asked me
If its what I wanted
And just took
But you should know something
I made a promise to God
That I would never again
Lay there and take what I didn't want
That I'd try to be stronger
And I've kept that promise
And I plan to for the rest of my life
I told God I was sorry
And that im not who i use to be
And that I was thankful
Because I changed only when you saved me
And he started answering my prayers again
Because the reason I didnt believe in him
Once upon a time
Wasnt because I doubted him
But because I fear He saw me
And ignored me by not bringing you back
Because at first I prayed for you
And then I stopped
Because I lost faith not in Him but myself
I degraded myself into nothing
And I feared that He couldnt help
Or wouldn't after what I did
So I turned my back
And I've asked for forgiveness
And He gives it every time i breathe
And He gave me forgiveness
And showed me He was there
Because He gave me what I wanted all
Those lonely years
He gave me time with you
And I know that this wont change anything
Because nothing will
You want fairness
Even if it ruins everything
Your willing to feel that shame
Willing to commit that sin
With a soul you dont love
To take revenge
On what God forgave me for
To take revenge on a girl
That has long since been dead
And I understand
I really do
But that doesnt mean
It doesn't **** me inside
Not because what your gonna do
But because what your gonna feel
Your gonna feel that shame that I do
Every time you think about it
Or whenever its brought up
And I just dont want you to be unhappier
Because you thought it could fix things
Because I dont think thats how it'll be fixed
I think WE need to work on it
Remind each other that
We have so much together
Too many memories and dreams to just ****
I think we can fix things
Not with other people
But with each other
And with God.

People keep telling me
To just move on
To let you go
That i have to make you
Choose now or never

But what i choose
Is to let you decide
If you want
Retribution
Revenge
To make things fair
I'll give you time
And be your friend
Letting the ache go on
Because i just want your happiness
Because if being with someone else
Makes you happy then I'll try
To be happy for you
I'll let you move on even
If im stuck in the quicksand
I'll let my starved skin
Feel the blood boil
With need for the sting
As long as your happy
Nothing else matters
Not even me.

I miss making love everywhere
That passion that swept us away
That told us that here and now is perfect
The sweet kiss on my neck
That always made my skin rise
And the way we said we loved each other
And the way he touched me
The way he kissed those lips of mine
And made me claw at him and the sheets
The way we joined face to face
Face to hips
And best of all hip to hip
I miss the way we finished together
But never really finished because we always
Wanted more
I miss my lover
Because he was more than just that
He was a friend and the man
I dreamed would be my husband
And thats what made it special
That why our first time
Really felt like my first time.

In the end
I know it'll be
Just more chaos
Because making things
Fair
Leaves how I feel
Unfair
Because
Trying to catch up
To me is wrong
Because
In order to catch up
You need someone
Who will pull you there
Do all the work while you
Just pretend and lie there
You'll need someone
Who turns you off
More than you knew possible
And someone who only wants you
Because you're an easy target
So when you choose your three
And they choose you
I hope you dont endure the emotional
Trauma i felt
I hope you think of me
And I hope you know
Whether its 3 or 300
My love will help me forgive you.