I just wish I wasnt so lonely
I miss you
I love you
And I hope
We do come
Back to each other
Because I
Believe
We are
Meant to be

I fell in love
With your
Laughter
And your smile
Your jokes
And stories
I fell for
The way you
Wrap your
Arms around me
The way you
Comfort me
And the way
You make my
Heart flutter
I fell
For the way
You looked at me
And the way
You cared
Unlike any other
I fell for
The way
You made me happy
And I fell
For your
Craziness
Because
You fell for mine.

I turned
Down
My best friend
Twice
In one day
And I felt
Like a bad person
But I kept remembering
Why I had to do it
Because I love you
Not him
Because I am not
Ready to move on
Especially into
A loveless relationship
I'm not ready
To be anyone's
But yours

I woke from my nap
And I stretched back
And made a weird noise
And I thought
If you were here
You'd find it adorable
While every other man
Would probably
Be taken aback
And look at me
With digust or
Unappealment.

I thought about you
And how you made me feel
So special.

In the midst
Of my pain
I found
God
I found
A sense of
Myself
And
I smiled
And I'm smiling
Because
I feel peace
I feel happy
Even if I
Am missing
The most
Important human
To me
I feel
Relieved
To have found
God
And I have faith
One day
I will
Get back
All that I lost
And if not here
Than in heaven.

I broke down
And I cried so hard
And I prayed
And I told God
That I'm doing
This for me now
I'm gonna read
The Bible
I'm gonna pray
And I will
Find a way
To get to Heaven
I told God
That I love him
And that I love you
And that I'm hurting
And that I want your happiness
Though I wish it was with me
I cried harder
At the admittance
Of my Christianity
Then when my heart
Was smashed
And maybe you were right
And I was wrong
But I asked God for help
And I have faith
He will save me
That I can save me
And that I will see you
Even if its in heaven
Our hearts
Our souls
Will meet again.

I watched
A short video
And it
Made me
Want to
Go to
Heaven
It made me
See that
You were
Right
In thowing me
In the ocean
So maybe now
I should
Just read
The Bible
And pray
Because
Even if you
Ignore me
God won't.

He wants me
But I don't want him,
I want you,
I want love
I want your eyes
And your heart
Your comfort
And I probably
Messed up
Too much
For the millionth time
Because I mess up a lot
And my chances look bad
But in the end
God will save us
And maybe
If we meet in heaven
All will be resolved
And I can have another chance.

I will love you forever
I will always cherish
Our memories
And every moment
We spent together
When we made love
It was so I could show you
That my love was more
Than three simple words
But a million actions
You can give up
Tell me you never wanna see me
But I will always want to see you
Because seeing you
Awakens a part of my soul
And makes me feel more
Alive than ever
So go ahead sweetie
Break me more
And cut all ties
You practically did already
But know this
You can always come back
Because your wife
Your dream girl
Your honeybun
Will always be here
Always for you
Because I will love you
Forever.

I thought
If you left me
I'd hate you
Want revenge
And do stupid stuff
But instead of
Wearing those
Black see through *******
The only thing I want is you
And since I cant have you
I'll have our cat
And call her mine
Call her fatherless
And make her chubby
Because of my frustration
And hurt and my anger
And I will love her
As I love you
As if she was the product of us
Because in a way she is
Because every time
I look at her,
Hug her and cuddle
With her,
Every time she bites me
And eats ham
I think of you,
I think of us.

You always told me
I'd move on first
You were wrong
Twice
You said that
If we fell apart
I'd move on
That I'd
Be happy
You were wrong
You told me
That we were
Gonna have a future
Together
You were wrong
You told me
I was your dream girl
*You lied

Has your desire and passion
Faded with your love
Mine had,
Until I thought
About your boots
And for the first time
In three days
I wanted
I desired you
I stopped being numb
For a singular moment
To think of how well you wore those
Black boots
And I wondered
If I'd ever make love again
To you or anyone
I wondered how long it would be
Before I stopped being disgusted
By the image in the mirror
Or if I'd ever let anyone in again
Ever let them know when and what I eat
Or let them see my stretch marks
Or let them rub my back
I found myself wondering
If I'd ever move on
And find happiness again.

I laughed today
Genuinely
But only while
Imagining you
Bare walking into the
Bathroom
Trying to cover
Your behind
But not covering it at all
And the name Adam
Ran through my mind
And Then I realized
That I was always Eve
Picking off the tree
After being told not to
I'm the sinner
You are good one
Who simply
Tried
And I got lost
And you tried again
And eventually
You couldnt try anymore

You were
My salvation on Earth
And God my salvation in heaven
I had room in my heart
To love both
Yes, Him more
For He is all powerful
And all knowing
But you were the
Closest second
Known to man.

I.** The day I realized
That you were out there
Almost within my reach again

II. The day you proposed
And we ditched school to
Celebrate

III. The day we first kissed
And my heart jumped so hard
In my chest that I actually jumped

IV. The day we went to Newport
And I cried because my love
Overwhelmed me with my desire
To one day be your wife

V. The last day we had together,
Despite the ending it was still
My favorite birthday because I had you,
My favorite person in one of mt favorite places

VI. The day we spent in Warren
And it was nearly 100° and we
Had like three dollars that we spent
On candy and freshly made soda

VII. The day we first made love
Nervous and new and yet still
So worth while

VIII. The day we bunked
And you told me you loved me
For the first time in our relationship
And my heart broke free from my chains
And I said that I loved you too

IX. The day we met to kiss
After so long and we talked for
An hour instead before I finally kissed you
And the magic of your lips once again
Made my heart flutter

X. The day, just any day
That we spent at home together
Laying in bed, cuddled up
And made love and cooked
And watched TV together
And we were free and we,
We were happy.

God cannot
Magically make us
Form in front of each other
But what He  can do
Is give us the will
To seek out one another

Two September's
Ago He gave me
The sudden urge
The sudden inspiration
And courage to find you
And that day
That I realized
You could be
A part of my life,
I think that was number one
On the list of best days of my life.

No one understands
That my love
Will never die or fade
That I would forgive you
A thousand times over
No matter the ache
No matter how hard I break
Because my love
Is supernaturally infused
God blessed me
When He answered
My prayers for love
And in doing so
He granted me
An undying passion
An undying love.

I pray a lot
And I know He listens
Because I have
More strength
Than I thought I could have
Because more often than not
My prayers come true
Because when I beg for death
God tells me to fight harder
And suddenly I'm swept away
In some courageous feat
Because even when I wanna give up
He won't let me

In my eyes
You were always
More than a great person
You were a wonderful one
You were the reason
That I found safety
That I emerged
From the lonliness
And fought
For my smile
You were always
So special to me
And I will love you
Here, now
And wherever I go.

Last time
As I cried
I told God
As long as your soul
Is safe and sound
That it'll be okay
That I just wanted happiness
For you and your family
And by dropping me
You answered my prayers
And I suppose I should be happy
Knowing your safe
And I am
But it hurts to be without you
Aches with every moment
But I appreciate and love God
For he keeps you safe
For he comforts you for me

I was in the shower
Just thinking about
How I failed
At living life
And I broke down
Not because of my failure
But because I saw my freckle
And I remembered
I remembered
How you'd kiss my freckle,
The one on my cheek
With a shimmer in your eyes
That I thought was love
And how you'd say
I love that freckle
I remembered how
I'd rejoice in finding your freckles
I remember too much
I remember too vivid
You are in everything I touch
And I break in every instance
Because my love binds me
And in remembering
I fold into myself
Losing everything
But my hope
Which corrodes me.

I woke up
And wanted to say
Good morning baby
But I remembered
Your gone now
And you don't care
In the middle of a class
I wanted to text you
I love you sweetie
But I remembered
Your gone now
And you don't care
I came home and
I wanted to see the words
Hi honey I'm home
But your gone now
And you don't care
I waited for
Honey bun
And I remembered
Your gone now
And you don't care
And so I fade
Into the aching
Into the prayers
I fade into my hope
*Goodbye my love

I use to think you were Jack
And that I was Sally
But I realized that
I was Jack,
Trying to figure out
Who I was,
Sick of the same thing
And that could fall apart
At any given moment
And you were Sally
Always falling apart
Being trapped
Trying to break free.

I may be young but I know
That this love,
It will go on,
Unwarranted
Unwanted
Incapable of fading
And so it was
That at the age of sixteen,
I was determined to die
In love with you,
And because of it
I would die miserably
And horribly alone.

I think
The reason it hurts me
So much is because
Im here
Trapped with every memory
While your free
Your somewhere I haven't been
And I am everywhere you have
My bed,
Where we made love,
Where we slept,
Where I laid on you,
My shower,
Where we made love,
My couch,
Where we cuddled
And watched movies
My kitchen,
Where we cooked
Where we ate together
And said grace
My school,
Which you use to sneak into
My hall,
Where we made love
For the very first
And very last time,
My heart,
Where your name
Always was,
Even before I knew your name
It was you my heart called out to
You are everywhere
And I am nowhere.

Your dicatated everyday
They tell you what to do
What to believe
What not to believe
They tell you how to act
And they tell you who
You can see
Or speak to and whom
You may not
You never had that with me
I tried to make you free
To open your eyes to new possibilities
I hope one day
You'll be free
Without them guiding you
I hope one day
Your eyes will open
And instead of being molded
To suit them you'll mold yourself
Into who you want to be
And I hope you see
That I loved you
For the person you were
Not someone I wanted you to be.

I've been wishing for
The same thing
The last six years
I've been wishing
Over and over again
Yet it never comes true
I've been wishing
That one day
Your love would be real
That it could actually compare
To the grand love that harbors
Within my grotesque heart.