Wheezing and tired, my will to breathe
Weakens with every bitter remark that
Leaves your pitiful mouth.
Why do I love a sister who
Tastes of poison and rose thorns if all
I ever pictured her to be was a rainbow.
They say I'm a citizen of heaven but you
Treat me like a prisoner of hell.
You are not allowed to tell
Me I am beautiful then pick off
All of my petals. I'd lie lifeless
On the floor and you'd still
Tell me to get over it. What
Have I done to make you hate
Me and all that I ever do. All
I ever asked for was an idol,
And all I got was you.
Please, shut the door.
I do not want to participate
In a world where beauty comes
Before brains, and people
I am having a hard time
Accepting I am painfully real
In a harshly fake world
And I can't sleep without
The security of the next day
Being better; I haven't slept in
Two years. You can hang
Your clothes to dry on the bags
Under my eyes because they
Nearly touch the ground.
The fluoride I swish around
In my mouth isn't ridding your
Taste from my body and I
Can't stop having anxiety attacks
Every time I smell peppermint.
I am afraid of you; I know you can
Crush my soul like an empty soda can
And leave me out in the street.
I have been trampled too many times
I can no longer trust sidewalks.
I walk in the middle of the road,
Because I know being hit by a truck
Could not possibly hurt worse
Than watching you leave.
My heart is pounding.
Dizziness is just a side effect of yelling.
The shower drain swallowed the saltiness
Bleeding from my eyes and while trying
To recover the words I screamed at the
Shower walls- I still feel nothing.
My heart is pounding.
One part because of the pain
And two parts because my life is a self
Confessed mess filled with majorly ******* up
Minds and severely suicidal teenagers.
I think I am still dreaming but if my dream
Were to come true, I wouldn't be breathing.
My heart is pounding.
The moon serenades the sun to sleep and
The stars listen to my sob stories.
Maybe if they were to flicker away I wouldn't
Notice because they are merely background
Noise in another one of your haunting lullabies.
My heart is still pounding.
Your fragile arm lies inches from my fingertips,
Hairs lining the back of my neck stand guard
Against the battle of my body and my brain.
If I laid my hand atop your fingers,
Would you melt into them like a plastic spoon within flames?
Or would you yank them away and send glares of
Embarrassment through my veins?
I'm afraid to touch you; your delicate skin
Causes a full-system shut down if your arm merely brushes mine
Without a simple sorry.
I've fallen in love with hands I've never held,
And sculptured skin I'll never touch.
You are such a masterpiece- my touch
Would simply shatter you.
A destruction of self-confidence,
A wicked collection of rules.
Never has my fragile heart
Wished disaster quite this cruel.
They lecture you to be yourself-
More like inject it in your veins.
It doesn't help; for we are different
People with different brains.
Wake-up early, slave for hours,
Come home late, and cry.
This isn't how it's supposed to be-
School makes me want to die.
Change? It won't. So here I stay,
Always exhausted and annoyed.
The little girl who laughed and smiled
Has been replaced by me, destroyed.
Penny for my thoughts?
You never asked me for a dime or a quarter.
Maybe my thoughts aren't worth just a penny.
How dare you underestimate my thoughts' worth.
They aren't worthy of a single one of your
Thoughts thinking of what mine could possibly be.
They have ceased to be about you
And have become worth something.
Something better than you ever would have been.
I don't mean to degrade you,
But you asked me for my thoughts.
Take back the penny,
I don't want anything more from you.
The shadows within your eyes are my favorite hiding place.
There are tales of great thunderstorms and hurricanes,
But I have never experienced any tantrum of rain.
The fairy tales say your eyes are supposed
to be gold and glowing with joy at all times-
But you, my prince, have glowing eyes
Only when looking at her.
I memorize the shadows of your gray eyes
And avoid your occasional shimmering sunrises and sunsets.
She is your summer; I have always liked winter better.
Her infatuation with the moon was intoxicating.
The way the reflection settled on her wide pupils in
the moments before my lips whispered over hers
With stories of my past.
She told me to conquer the world and grasp
All that could fit within my arms- which is how I got her.
Her breathes while she slept were my favorite lullaby
Because watching her sleep was better than any
Movie. Her lips always bled at night
Because during the day she would bite down on them
And the shards of the words falling unsaid would cut them.
She used to tell me to never get too attached to someone
Not worth tripping over;
I guess that's why when she left I
Ended up on the ground.
My head pounds and I wonder if
My brain is overfilling with thoughts
So many that it has reached
If you do one more cute thing,
My mind may just explode.
My mother always told me to be
innocent to get into heaven.
She never told me to avoid the ****
with the wicked smile
And the evilly delicious eyes.
She told me to desire a Godly man
but never warned me of
The boy with burning fingertips that
left ashes of lust behind.
She informed me to never lose trust
And I didn't; Praying for God to
grant me a
Perfectly sinful boy, with crisp blue
eyes and a decadent smile;
One to kiss away the pain.
Then God gave me you.
The whispers of your dreams
Invade my ears as I watch your
eyelids kiss with each new breath.
I wonder if you dream about me the way
I dream of you and
How your smile lights up the entire
classroom without effort.
When your eyes wander around the
paper in front of you
And the only solution to the questions
Written on the sheet of white
Are doodles of stars and your signature.
The outline of your lips morph random words
Yet I laugh because I imagine
Them saying 'I love you' after
Catching me staring and you sleeping.
My dreams consist of everything I
could possibly fathom,
But I'll never know the dreams of
The boy sitting next to me
In a classroom full of vacant people.
The screams from my pillow are
trying to escape.
They bellow in my ear the demons'
Of the precious stealing of my soul;
My mind can only handle so much
The only cure is your tender touch,
Your fingertips burn away the
whispers of Lucifer hidden within
Your breath of love on my neck
conquers the welcoming breath
While my lips trace the line of yours,
Life doesn't seem so bad.
I wish my eyes could paint
The beauty of you but
I would never get the color of your eyes right
When they are filled with wonder.
You look at the stars while I gaze at you,
The same fascination guiding my eyes
To discover the constellations the
Freckles create on your jawline.
Or the rosy hue of your cheeks
On a brisk October morning
After your jog, breathless yet filled
With more energy
By 7 AM than a cup of coffee
As dark as the leaves you tousle,
Leaving a tornado of fire behind in your trail
Like the hurricane of fall has crossed your path and you
Have knocked it down before it stepped on your cape.
The rich color of your laughter always stumped me,
Because it was neither loyal to my joke,
Nor cautious as the rising sun,
It was golden.
Like braiding rays of glee and love into a solitary strand
Of pure contentment.
You were happiest in the lightest shade of blue
When the sparrows would sing
And the bees would dance with your ears.
The tint of your sun kissed lips
Doesn't match the shade of the many sunsets
You witnessed with the same innocent fascination
That the whole world is good,
Even if just at that moment.
The baptism of your morning voice into my ears
Is as childish as your wandering fingers,
Tickling me as your golden chuckle
Paints a new canvas for my mind to display
Within the gallery that is you.
It snowed today
And I thought of you again
Because every snowflake is
Unique like every freckle
On your cheek is a different shape.
I've come to think the moon doesn't
Enjoy the cold, simply because she
Always hides within the blanket of clouds.
Maybe she is afraid of being bitten by the frost,
Or having a stone-cold heart, but
Maybe that's not the moon at all
Soaring high, high above the sky,
Imagining a dream that you could fly,
And never again would you cry.
A promenade on land turns into a quest to find happiness,
Searching, but only discovering the dullness,
Arms stretched out to welcome the kindness.
You leave the rocky shores behind, praying the waves
Will wash the sorrow away, and fill the caves
Of your heart; your own hero, who protects and saves.
Violent rays of gentle sunlight present a new way
Of believing today's a different day;
Smiling will make everything okay.
A simple grin will turn the skies from grey to blue,
Not often used, especially by you,
But when you smile, the world smiles too.
Your laugh will kiss your tears goodbye.
Never again will your jovial eyes cry,
As the smile on your face becomes a new way to fly.
— The End —