My mind, ruminating,
thoughts eating themselves,
snaking longer, longer,
like that old Nokia phone,
remember?
The game we played—
winning meant losing space,
meant swallowing whole.

I can’t stop it.
No off switch.
No pause, no rewind.
Memory flickers, a broken reel,
an unreliable witness in my own courtroom.
Why did I disassociate?
To survive, to vanish?
Was I drunk on innocence,
or did I crave your love so much
I kept my mouth shut,
called my silence devotion?

You—
standing there in my shadow,
writing your story over mine,
turning my quiet into consent.
But I was always spinning,
always folding inward,
splintering.

Now I haunt the game,
chasing the tail of what I was,
swallowed by the loop,
still wondering
if I’ll ever find the center.

At this very moment
The past no longer exist
What ever happens in the future
My will will not resist

It’s not that I can’t remember
It’s just easier to forget
And leave the ghost behind me
And the shadows of regret
………

You'd never believe what I saw.
Staring into the gaping maw
I saw Rusty's puppy paw
took him in my heart raw.
He died on the 4th of July
bombs exploding in the sky
I held him tight and knew,
it broke our hearts in two.

The world outside is freezing,
Snow slowly falling from above,
One's expectations gone disproved,
The outside clean, the inside rough.

Glistening from our view,
As tempting it can be,
One wouldn't want to be the same,
The truth lies underneath.

Magnificent and shining bright,
A longing for my way,
Though if you did, just for a night,
You wouldn't want to stay.

Oblivious of what's underneath,
The outside is what matters,
But beauty here is not the key,
If the inside has been shattered.