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Nyaituga May 2019
Really, when you think about it... we're good friends, you and I.
You wrap your arms around my chest and cover my mind with barbed wire; you fill my hands with tremors, but we're friends, you and I.

Yes, your grip is tight - because you're trying to protect me. Your wires are a fortress, built to ward off the pain. And yes, there are tremors on each of my fingers - but that's because you're fighting to keep my foes at bay.

Thank you for the chest cramps and thank you for the barbed wire. Thank you for the tremors - you mean well and you're kind! I see what you're trying to do and I'm grateful, truly. Survival-mode is a gift and you give it to me daily. You know all the worst case scenarios, you recite them to keep me from harm. Your symphony of alarm bells is an ode to my safety. You fill my mind with flashing lights - and you do it out of love! You live to keep me alive. So thank you.

But friend, you can rest now. There's no danger here. I'm safe, we're safe, there's no need to fear. You can loosen up now, ease your grip, drop the wires. You can stop fighting now, rest a little, stop the tremors. We have an understanding, I hear you loud and clear. But it's ok now, we're ok now! Look, the King's here.
©  Nyaituga 2019
Nyaituga May 2020
Solitude doesn't scare me, people do
I'm not afraid to be alone but
The thought of being "with" terrifies me
The thought of being "held" sends shivers down my spine
Because to have that and then lose it seems worse
Than never having had it at all
Nyaituga Jul 2019
I don't think I have the tools to nurse your wounds and mend mine too.
Nyaituga Aug 2018
I play make believe so often and so well
That my own skin feels unfamiliar
This face is a stranger in the mirror
I know this mask better than the face I call my own
Nyaituga May 2019
You guys are doing great. You're brave enough to ask the questions that we never could. But I wonder, have you tugged at the strings just a little too hard, for a little too long? Everything's unravelling, now we're all tangled and torn. Hey, I wonder, could you tone it down just a little? Take a break? Give us a minute? I'm dizzy.
Nyaituga May 2019
How I feel ≠ who I am.
Nyaituga May 2020
Shame laced shards
Inside my chest
Slit out through the skin
Scathing those who come too close
Nyaituga Apr 3
Whatever it is, it must be me
No matter how the story goes,
I am the victim, I am the villain
It's me

The best, the worst
The first, the last
It's me

The highest or the lowest
The greatest or the least
It's me, always me
Escapril - Day 1
Nyaituga Apr 4
A womb, holding grief where life should have been
A tomb, holding life where death should have been
Both tell of love, of sorrow and surrender
A mother and my Saviour, so similar in nature
Escapril - Day 3
Nyaituga Aug 2020
Your penchant for solitude won't make you strong
Your sanctum's a prison. Pick the lock, break out.
The world isn’t quite as scary as you think
Brutal – no doubt – but beautiful too
Take a look, I promise, it won’t **** you.
Nyaituga Jul 15
it sounds like a gasp from a child lost in thought
a gleeful chuckle, a sigh of realisation
a cog clicked into place
a gear shift
a whirring engine
a trajectory forever changed
Nyaituga Jan 2020
So I'll take the perfect love that chases every shadow from each surface
Even if it takes a lifetime, in You I will learn to hide
In that perfect love that casts away the serpent's voice, it has no place and even if it takes a lifetime, in You I will learn to fight
In that perfect love that bears all things, believes all things, endures all things and even if it takes a lifetime, the scales will fall from my eyes.
Nyaituga Nov 2020
They keep slipping in and out of orbit
Your world and mine
I can't help but hope that they collide
Yet, if they don't, I'll be just fine
Nyaituga May 2019
Her heart is a force to be reckoned with
A stone cold fortress, weathered and worn
Behind the barricades, no one can touch her
No one can hurt her, no one can know her
Nothing gets in and nothing gets out
Her heart is a force to be reckoned with
Nyaituga Apr 5
You've haunted the skies above me for far too long
At last, you're floating away
Every trace of you is turning to
A shade of gold at sunset
I sit, sigh and smile awhile
Watching the day become dusk
I bid the light "adieu"
Knowing that this is true:
What we had is dead and gone
I live to love another day
Escapril - Day 4
Nyaituga Jun 2019
This one time, last winter, you borrowed my hair-tie
I'd like it back now
And hey, while you're at it, please return my heart as well?
Nyaituga May 2020
She isn't what she was
She isn't what she should be
Something far better
She's here

Far from the twins of futility
Far from their fraudulent bounty
The future and the past
Both outside her grasp

For the carrot on a stick won't feed her
And the shadow on a sidewalk won't steady her feet
Nyaituga Apr 6
Playing tennis against the wall, outside
Sleepovers in the backyard
Trampoline parties
Listening to Scissor Sisters in class
On Friday afternoons
"I don't feel like dancing"

Running laps around the oval, every morning
Flailing in the water, every arvo, **** near drowning
Learning high school musical tunes because you wanted me to
You made stir fry with pinapple, chicken, a side of juice

I remember your beauty mark, right on your cheek
Full lips, brown eyes, thick curly hair ******* in a pony tail with ringlets at the end
I remember your handwriting
And I remember your taste in music
Because I took both and made them my own

Here's what I remember: you.
Escapril - Day 5
Nyaituga Aug 2020
Out on a limb, for love of you
Heart on sleeve, for love of you
Soul laid bare, for love of you
Wouldn’t change a thing

Torn in two, to be with you
Blood laced sweat, to be near you
Aching chest, for love of you
Darling, don’t forget

A dam burst open, in love with you
Wade neck deep, in love with you
Raging tide of love for you
Waves high, ocean wide.
Nyaituga Apr 11
she hasn't left her room in a while
she's isn't returning my calls
she's looking pale, thin and sickly
something isn't right

she's been out and about, non-stop, day and night
she's constantly giving her all
she's looking wired, wild and lively
something isn't right
Escapril - Day 10
Nyaituga Apr 7
My God, do I love silence
Solitude, my bliss
The peace of being alone in a room is
Is sweeter than most things
Escapril - Day 6
Nyaituga Jul 21
I liked you better at a distance
from far away, you seemed shiny
up close, you're too much like me
human, fickle and frail
Nyaituga Apr 7
Every time she packs her bags
Or hits the road
Or takes her flight
A piece of garment falls away
Her soul stripped of its clothing

Before too long, it's all revealed
The skin that lies deep down beneath
Her job, her home, her treasures and titles
Beneath what she owns
Beneath what she knows

And so, she goes
From place to place
Traversing the earth
The same way she entered it
Escapril - Day 7
Nyaituga Mar 2019
She doesn’t fear the dawn
She doesn’t fear the thought of something new

Sink or swim, sink or swim
It’s all the same for the brave

Sink or swim, sink or swim
It’s all the same when you're not afriad
Nyaituga Jun 2019
There's a whole world waiting outside your head
And it's a beautiful place, open the door, have a look.
Nyaituga Aug 2020
I worked so hard to be like you
Only to find out you're broken too
Nyaituga Mar 23
it's time to surrender whatever "should" be and make peace with whatever simply "is"
Nyaituga Aug 2018
She dreams, as one who’s never failed before
She sings, without fear of scorn
She laughs, as though she’s never cried
After all, she's alive

As for us, we dream for we have faltered
Sing, in spite of scorn
Laugh, for we aren't stranger to tears
We are still alive
Nyaituga Apr 2020
I thought that I was shackled by time
I cursed the walls that rendered me still  
No racing forward, no pacing back
Nothing and nowhere to be, but now
And now, the gaol is my sanctum
Nyaituga May 2020
For discomfort, discipline and drive
To drag myself out of bed and into books and work and work
To barge down the doors and break windows wide open

For being in the water
To drink til it wells up inside my heels
To swim til my muscles ache and my mind is clear

For succumbing to the tide of time
To let the day be what it is, as it is
To receive it and be still, to rest until the dawn
Nyaituga Aug 2020
I'll turn my music up too high
To try and drown you out
I'll grit my teeth and clench my fists
Until I drown you out

You've overstayed your welcome
You've been here far too long
At some point, it got comfortable
Now, you have to go
Nyaituga Apr 8
grow, bloom, wither and die
die, grow, bloom and wither
wither, die, grow and bloom
bloom, wither, die and grow
Escapril - Day 8
Nyaituga Apr 3
Somewhere in between the dying and the rising, there is rest
Somewhere in between Good Friday and that Sunday, there is silence
We sit and wait with bittersweet hope, shrouded in uncertainty
Will He really do what He said He would do? Time will have to tell.
Escapril - Day 2
Nyaituga May 2019
The sun weeps a little when you're away
The stars get kinda lonely
The clouds get kinda grey
I think it's cause they miss you
I do too
Nyaituga Mar 2019
She wears her scars like trophies
She isn’t scared to say that she’s been to war
Nyaituga Apr 2019
You’re taking my tangles
One by one, knot by knot, thread by thread
And somehow, slowly, steady and sure
They’re coming undone in Your hands

I thought it would scare You
To see me so twisted
I thought it would scare You
To see me so torn

But You didn’t run and You didn’t hide
You’re still here and You’re still tender, faithful and kind

You’re taking my tangles
One by one, knot by knot, thread by thread
And somehow, slowly, steady and sure
They’re coming undone in Your hands

I’m coming undone in Your hands
Nyaituga Mar 2020
You don't call the dawn cruel for taking its time - not when you've seen a sunrise

— The End —