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JT Sep 2018
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I've always conformed to what is customary
Now I am tired
I've taken a huge leap
In order to save myself

Sometimes, pushing yourself
Would just drain you in the end
The dream destination
Just suddenly becomes blurry

I had it all planned out
But I never thought
That the process
Would simply turn things around

Hopefully, I would find
The thing that makes me full
In which I will feel joy in the pain
As well as peace within
#lost #depressed #help
JT Jul 2014
4 years
2 months
28 minutes
and 39 seconds

Its 4:28 am
and I know
that I don't love you
anymore

-j.t.
JT Jul 2014
but the problem is that
i'm still in love with you
even after you have left me
and even after my whole
world collapsed

-j.t.
JT Jul 2014
Here I am
In front of a paper
As I try to write you
A sensible poem

I have not eaten
Nor have gotten up from bed
As I stared in the ceiling
Laying in wet and soiled sheets

Why is that, you may ask
Some may say I seek for attention
While some would say
What a pathetic kid

But you never asked
How I was feeling
How I try to survive
And live each day

Perhaps what I felt was nothing to you
You would say that I should move on
And forget about the past
But that can't be done overnight

You never listened to my stories
Nor did you cared when things went wrong
You only accepted the happiness I gave you
With nothing in return

Maybe, that’s why I kept my feelings
All bottled inside
That one day
I would just explode

Maybe, I feared people leaving me
For others that is so much better
Making me feel worthless
And all alone

I tried to conquer the miseries
I had when you left me
You that I have depended on
And you that has left

The wind has blown against my face
And the sun has already set
I've realized that I should learn
How to love myself first

-j.t.
JT Jul 2014
i fought for you so hard
but you chose to
break my heart
and shatter my soul
into a million tiny pieces

-j.t.
JT Dec 2017
Perhaps I can say it was my passion
To think vividly and put that picture into a composition
To come up with silly adjectives and a strong emotion
But perhaps, I was wrong about that notion

This system that has corrupted me
Where compassion is much like the dead sea
Those students that hide their knowledge and secrets
All being sly and sitting beside their best bets

Reaching out a hand seems quite a challenge
With incapability to pick up a lecture seems like an overwhelming package
People were fascinated with lessons such as "competitive advantage"
When deep down inside, I was already damaged

Thank you, for creating a war inside my head
That expressing myself would be a dread
So judge me if I loathe this useless algorithm
Because in these words I now struggle to find the perfect rhythm

-j.t.
revised apr 16, 2016
JT Jul 2014
It’s 17:49 and I am reminiscing about you
Wondering where I went wrong, or we
There’s still a stab in my heart when
I listen to silly love songs
People talk about love
Photos of you streaming
On my timeline

It’s been 4 years
21st of September
I remember
You looking into my eyes
Eyes groggy
Pale face
Wounded knees

We went to the same summer class together
After that day, I looked forward to Saturdays
Wondering what happiness is in store for me
When I see you again

It was your passion
Coaches impressed
Friends amazed

It was I who asked for your number
We talked, laughed at our jokes
Calling for no apparent reason
Sending group texts
With you the only recipient

Days went by and we talked less
Classes started and became busy
I sent you numerous texts
Waiting for your reply

But you never did

Maybe, I got tired of making it up to you
Maybe, it was simply an infatuation
An infatuation you may call
That still went on for four years
And so I quit

I accepted the consequence
Of not being able to talk to you
And see you again
Maybe, I wanted to live a life on my own
I tried to find happiness
So I can finally move on

As I stared at you last summer
In that dark and cold auditorium
As I watch you perform and do
What you loved most

I was once, disheartened, again
Watching you from afar
When I can be beside you

I met you outside
But we just passed by one another
My heart still pumping
And my eyelids carrying
A bucket of tears

-j.t.
JT Jul 2018
In the pursuit
Of being the person
Others wanted me to be
What I thought I was fitting for me
I eventually lost
Myself and continuously sought
What has happened
To the person
I was meant to be
JT Sep 2019
It has been a ******* week
since you needed distance
JT Jul 2014
don't cry, little one
the journey
is not
yet
over

-j.t.
JT Jul 2014
it was that time when you left me
where the moon and the stars
were the only ones
who comforted me
on that cold and dark night

who listened to my stories
and heard all my woes
as i walked down the road
where it all started

i went to bed
and tried to weep
the pain away
yet the sun
hasn't risen
since

-j.t.
JT Jul 2014
On times like this
He was the one
Who used to hold
Your hand amid
The busy streets

He was the one
Who touched you like
A cup of tea
Pressed on your skin
When times got rough

He cuddled with you
As the rain dropped
On your window pane
While you listened to vinyls
On repeat

He used to write you poems
On benches at parks
As he stared at your eyes
And watched people come and go

Someday, he said
I can’t love you anymore
You thought he was joking
But the bitter truth
Was that- he was not

You fell for him more
As the day passed
You soon realized
That you loved him
More than ever

On nights that felt
Like no one is awake
You let your souls out
While dancing along
Silly pop songs

He used to carry your bags
So you can shop
And bought you roses
When you overthink
A lot

He would come over
For he was used to
Being awake at 3am
To listen to all
That bothers you

14th of February
He took you out on a
Fun fair and made you
Laugh as if he
Had already stole your heart

He was sweet
You were quirky
In that sudden moment
Everything was
So beautiful


It was until you lost him



You never learned
How sad
It is walking
Down the road
All alone

You never learned
How it is to keep
All your problems
To yourself
With no one to listen

You’d bring out
The poems he
Had written you
Realizing how much he
Has loved you

As you sit beside his grave
Like any other Saturday
Talking to him
As if he was still alive

Where nights like this
You would like to
Sleep in his arms
Listening to the beat
Of his heart

But the pain is still there
Knowing that even if he
Knew he was dying
He still kept
On loving you

Because you'd rather
Watch sunsets
With him
Than mourning
For his death

-j.t
JT May 2019
it
is
time
to
   let
   go...

— The End —