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You must have known.
That day I held your hand and you held my gaze
And the air was thick with smoke and unspoken words and tiresome clichés.
Your eyes crinkled softly like they always do.
Always, always in the pretentious books I would pour over for hours as I try to envision myself right there,
Comforting myself with the idea that someone, one day, will dance with me to the sound of nothing but two hearts beating in unison.
There is something desperately intimate about oxygenation.
Always in these silly, profound books, they describe their darling’s eyes with every hue known to man.
Deep, aquamarine, sparkling crystal orbs that you would be so happy to drown in.
Entrancing and stormy forests.
Pools of warm honey with gold flecks in them, sweet as dandelion wine.

I will not condescend to compare your eyes to saccharine.
Or bodies of water, for that matter, or trees.
I will not waste time equalizing them to shades of the rainbow.
What are eyes, really,
Other than a means to see?
All that is beautiful and all that is clean.
I hold my own eyes in higher esteem than yours, dear,
Because they allow me to revel in the way yours light up when you smile.
How the skin underneath creases and wrinkles in all the most endearing ways
Like the infinite pages of a book in some foreign language
That only I can understand.
The ability to do so is a prerogative of the infatuated.

I wonder if you’ll let me read this book more often now that we’re here, two forgotten souls grinning stupidly at each other in the dark.
You must have known, then, that I would spend every day of the rest of my life reading this book if you only allowed me to do so.
Embedded in my mind was the way the corners of your mouth shot up towards the heavens.
I did not have to trace it to know that it was there.
You must have known.
There was not a crumb of my being you did not hold in the callused palm of your hand.
All of the streetlights were doused by the blanket of the night and it was truly not a movie-worthy moment because there were no stars and the moon was out of sight and there were stray cats padding around in the neglected garbage dumpster and I could not even remember why we were laughing so hard and I loved you.
Unequivocally.
Noura Abdelrazec Jun 2020
the essence of my being is residing
                                                        ­                       somewhere in between
in which i would simultaneously like to be left alone
and hugged tightly as though i were taking my last breath
i want to be held closely and told that i am special
and that i matter
whilst being afraid of ever loving again
                                                           ­                    somewhere in between
a friend and a stranger
dressed in confusion
black cloak
top hat
(you look quite ridiculous)
i am neither happy nor sad
does it even matter?
maybe deadened is the word
deadened
dead end
most of the time
i am merely in my perpetual state of
                                                              ­                 somewhere in between
Noura Abdelrazec Jun 2020
me
i refuse to evaporate into thin air.
my being is powerful enough to condense into dense clouds,
drooping with the weight of fervour in the heavens above.
i rain down with the intense energy of an Elysian poet
and i promise you
i will flood
everything.
Noura Abdelrazec Jun 2020
In my little kingdom of wishes
sleepy visions of an excellent dream I once had
in which the future was beautiful and certain and bright
frolic in their silk night clothes
through eggplant skies,
and scraps of
happy endings
perfect romances
resolved tragedies
good and brave protagonists
rejoice in broad and eternal moonlight.

They skip merrily,
hand in hand with the heavenly souls of
pearly and pure memories
and nostalgic happy days
sparkling and rosy as diamond studded clouds.
Materialistic desires
are seldom seen.
In fact they are quite nearly banned
greedy and unsatisfied *******, they are.

And aloft this delightful spectacle
dwell raised spirits and high hopes
and blessings
that twinkle kindly and pour down
torrentially
upon all the inhabitants of
my little kingdom of wishes.
Noura Abdelrazec Jun 2020
id
a familiar shadow plagued my dreams
and with her she brought the unpleasant thoughts i left
outside my bedroom door
“go.”
i told her.
“i do not oppose you, but you had promised me peace of mind
during the twilight hours”
she smiled
twistedly and unnaturally
“darling,
have you forgotten
that i am inescapable?”
she laughed in cruel, winter tones
“inescapable, yes indeed!”
another frigid chuckle succeeded
“for you see, my dear girl,
i am none other than you.”
Sun explores my horizon
rays invest the air
from within, a corpus breathes
sails an ever expanding  sphere

the halo emerges
the guile invites in the foe
the mirror delivers energy,  now low


shadows lengthen
chill spreading its wings
no mere reflection
a reflection no more

the swarm is complete
the gluttony thaws
the wain is eternal
and full is the earth
with no return


a line is drawn


appears the resolve
arrives the science
decides the witan


let grief be our revival
strengthen our defiance
chase out the mugging form

stand

and let humanity flow
commentary on the covid virus and experiences treating patients
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