her name always sparks something.
a song,
a thought,
a conversaton.

but sometimes just thinking about her makes me panic.

laying in bed,
staring at my empty hand
i just wish you were here
to hug me, and hold me
we may laugh,
we may cry
but either way,
we don’t mind
but now i’m hanging on empty hope
that i’ll hold you again

whoa according to a sudden realization i just had i have no shame or anxiety when im sad ic ried and im sleep deprived so bedt time for me to vent? riht mnow!

lol ik i was having depresso hours but i just saw a really funny tumblr post and now i feel better still wanna die but i feel better

she can’t ******* love you back, you’re a good for nothing, useless ******* *****! why in all hell would someone as good as her ever ******* love you. useless pig.

why are you thinking about her again, you’re the villain in this story. stop feeling pity for yourself, you’d forgive her if she wanted it.

she won’t die, it’ll be okay. but what if she dies in her sleep and can’t ever say goodnight to you guys again, or i love you, or-

you can’t take back what you’ve said! they won’t forgive you, no matter how many times you say “i’m sorry,” or “it’s not your fault!” or “she was just there for me when you weren’t” or some ****. no one’s gonna forgive you! they won’t forgive you because you. don’t. deserve it. and they hate you, everyone else does. sensitive, insensitive *****.

i want to throw up. i need to throw up. it’s so big, your stomach? wow, you probably gained 10 pounds today! what are you now, 30 pounds overweight then? you’re just dense, right? well, maybe personality wise, but physically? you’re just fat! what muscle? that’s probably a tumor, maybe get that checked out cuz whoa, a kid like you would NEVER have muscles, like, how?!

but i can’t let any of this get to me, because i’ve been the happy one! the one that has to help them, that feels it their duty to help and make everyone happy even if i’m not, so stop crying, stop feeling, unless it’s happy tears or happiness. you can do it! now do it.

everybody’s got it worse,
you crying, smelly pig
keep screaming til your voice is hoarse
or you’ve snapped like a twig

she won’t die, you’re just scared
but what if you’re not?

what the ****, are you crying again?!

******* what was this for

you're not even gone yet
but i miss you
i'll spend as much time with you as i can
before you are

long discussions on who's better
i need to shower,
leave you hanging
you're the only voice i love to hear
and i love to listen to your singing
we're oddballs
dumb dumbs, too
you're a sweet one, though,
and you're really **** soft
your face is so pretty
jesus ******* christ i wanna kiss you-

gonna- gonna *******-
stab a *****
sigrid what the ****
you said we werent friends
so why
are you taking your ex's place
when he isnt here

me: i'm gonna die in three years anyway, what's the difference?
her: you don't know that.
me: still might.
her: we can't be a married couple if you're dead!!

Dear, you’re looking better every day
And hey, I’m begging for ya on my knees
You’re a darling, beauty, super girl
The only superhero I need

Not the slightest average,
I’m a simple civilian
I’m gazin’ up from the streets
As you beat up the supervillain

I catch your eye as you fly down from the sky
You’re smilin’, but no one says “thanks”

I approach you and say “Hi,
You’re a huge influence of mine.
I wanna be like you someday.
It’s your present I pine.”

Your smile droops but that’s alright.
You sigh and say,
“I wish I was more like you.
Livin’ the life of a civilian.
Not chasin’ any villains.
Wishin’ I was more like you.”

Even if one day you give up,
You’ll still be my hero for this day.
I still hope you never give up,
And again, one day,
You’ll look my way.

Yeah, but I'm fine, right?
Just ruining everybody's day after the last light.
I'm working on improving myself.
Whether that's the result of a mental breakdown or not,
I don't know.
But, it's something.
And you guys help a lot!
You try to, at least.
Thanks to you, it's harder to give in.
Easier to fight back.

i need you to hold my hands
so i don't hurt myself worse
i twisted my thigh
i near stabbed my hand
i can't
s t o p
i need
your help

wouldn't it be funny
if i overdosed on pills?
left everyone i love alone
no one put in my will
a greedy *****,
all from day one
going dead without a hitch,
her face repeatedly slapped by the sun
it's unpleasant
light, i mean
i don't understand what i meant
i physically can't come clean

panic panic
late at night
make me feel
manic manic
every night

why, why, why
don't i need a reason to cry?
i don't wanna choke on air
or have to breathe in my cries
i'll just sob,
and choke,
and cry,
and more.
a desperate, stupid need for help.

happy cry, happy cry, happy cry
maybe i'll just sob my "happiness" out
happy cry, happy cry, happy cry
i'll comfort myself without making a sound

Maybe if i let myself cry these feelings would go away
but i’m just a stupid kid with too much to say
i’ll hide myself,
i’ll hate myself,
no one believes me when i say i sobbed, anyway

when you can’t make yourself ***** in public so you instead eat something you’re allergic to ****** mint but it wasn’t mint it was shrimp

You **** and **** and ****, expecting more and you know there is but you can’t reach it, no matter how hard you try.

Breakup with you just for him.
Get back with him
just for him.
I’ll make myself do dumb ****
just for him.
But, she’s the only one I want.
I don’t wanna do any of that.

You, sir, are a big dunce
I thought you'd learn your lesson after saying it once
We believed you would watch your mouth
But no, seems our help has gone South

You write uh... good.
Even gooder than me.
Er- Better?
You make me lose my words,
Especially when thinking about you.
Maybe I can’t draw you,
But I can write.
And in my mind, I picture:
You and me.
Together.

“I miss you, i’m sleeping with your sweatshirt”
“I miss you still and it’s been like 2 hours”
“It smells like you and makes me sad :(“
“sowhataboutafterschooltomorrow”
Jenny, it’s not too late to call us off

Not too late to call it quits,
We haven’t even had our first kiss yet
You can dump me, it’s cool
But, how will we handle it at school?

I don’t just like you for your face
Though, maybe that’s a plus
I like you for you
Just being that is enough

At first,
You were a dream.
A dream I couldn’t keep,
And I couldn’t make reality.
Months later,
Though,
You said you liked me, too.
And my heart did twirls!
I love you,
Подсолнух.
Maybe a bit too much.

I’m smiling in your arms
I happily sink into you
You’re really comfy,
And ridiculously soft
Maybe I’ll just sleep here,
In your sweatshirt’s arms

violets are violet
roses are red
i slept best
when you were in my bed <3

i get depressed when you don’t call
but i get butterflies when you do
there’s so many words i have for you
but i can only use so few

i love when you say my name
i wouldn’t like it any other way
i have a special smile made just for you
but, you haven’t got a clue

i love to talk to you all night and day
i love to hear what you have to say
i’d follow you for all eternity
even if we’re kept in secret

oh my, dear, i love you, so
but, there’s so much that you don’t know
like, how i’ve lied
about how i didn’t cry

i’ve liked you from the start
and i knew that we wouldn’t be smart
but i’m dumb,
and now, numb
.
.
.
but i’ll still love you forever

Anorexia, bulimia, what difference does it make
When they're both coming out of my mouth like a big mistake?
Vile bile comes out of my mouth,
Pouring out like monsters screaming, "GET OUT!"
Maybe I developed B from A,
Both leaving me with nothing good to say.

The doctor said it wasn't healthy, my weight loss.
I told her it was just from vacation.
I told her I was just worried over nothing,
She gave me a hug and said she'd listen.
But, I didn't tell her anything.
No such white lies.

Just thinking about food makes me wanna *****.
Thinking about ***** makes me wanna do it.
So I do,
And I tried to get better.
Hell, did I try.
But I ******* can't.
And I'm sorry.