My head filled with broken fantasies of a life once lived and a love since forgotten.
My fingers dancing among these keys wishing to not wipe any more tears.
My hair, dark and unruly, clinging to my scalp and praying for permanence upon my head.
My stomach, looking so heavy and full, but feeling so empty.
My nails, bitten down till blood; wondering if the polish will protect them from my nerves.
It's a broken body, but mine.
It is a temple crushed by time and nature.
Not worthy of worship, not even by it's own god.

Oh, lovely kintsugi,
How ugly I feel when you've broken me.
I'm shattered glass;
Useless and troublesome.
No use cleaning me up;
I'd only draw blood.
And here you come,
with all your golden laquer,
making me feel whole again.
How beautiful I feel when you've fixed me.
Oh, how it makes me wish I could forget that you're the one holding the hammer.

Why is there a time limit to hurting?
Why can't I cry anymore?
At what point did I go from pitied to pathetic?
When did everyone move out of the house and leave me to rot with the skeletons in the closet?

I'm drowning.
Bubbles escape my mouth and my hands try to catch them.
As if I could shove them back down my throat.
Not to breathe, but to let out one last scream.
If I wanted to breathe, I'd grab the life ring flailing above me.

I remember late nights.
and golden trees by streetlights.

Your hand was warm,
but your breath was not.

Everything was new.
I was ready to explore with you.

A summer later,
torn photos and missed calls.

We promised forever
but you surrendered.

I don't notice the streetlights anymore
and it's too cold to walk at night.
but if you called,
I'd be on the next flight.

if tomorrow is our last day
can it be as beautiful
as the forever you once promised me?