Sometimes
You feel you are being buried
When you are simply being planted

Forever was just
an excuse
to be
close to you.

I've been called many things
Unsavoury and unkind
Words that strangle what little hope
I've stored in myself
What little light
That's been left
A flame so heavily guarded
Yet barely burning

I've been called many things
Crazy
Sometimes I crumble within myself
Forgetting where I am
Who I am
Who I've been
Who I could be
Wishing I could just spotaneously
Not be

I've been called many things
Emotionally draining
How is it that I feel everything?
And then nothing?
Instantaneously

I just want to feel again
I just want to feel real
I just want to remember that
I'm more than these names
These things
These afterthoughts that
For some reason
You decided to impart on me

I've been called many things
Things I didn't want
Things that aren't me
Things that barely touch the idea of me

Among these things
These verbal illustrations of my personhood
Disconnect
Alienating and cold
Misconstrued and yet so sharp
Ambiguous yet so sure

I have been called many things
But never yours

Happiness

you come in many forms

Sometimes disguised as pain

In the sweet labor of love

Under the shaded tree
As the sun was setting on a beautiful autumn day
She said, "It feels like love"
He didn't say
Pressed her hand to his lips
Close to his heart she could feel his heartbeat
Staring into the sunset
The beauty of each passing moment
Like rustling of autumn leaves
Turning into a song
Timeless and unnamed
Like the wind that carries it
To this day
Now that the flowers bloom
And the little birds sing
On the branches of that tree
Now gracefully bent
With time and age
It's colour turned pale
Green grass around it
Blue skies above
Clouds come and go
On the mountain top
Insects crawling up its bark
Caterpillars eating away it's leaves
Silent and strong
Whistling with the winds
It remembered
The night of the fireflies
When the mountain slept
And the stars hid themselves
In the dark
A light that shown though
It's dense dew covered branches
Leaves shivered and glittered
As it transcended into the sky
Almost lighting up
Every soul on its way
Fireflies carrying them away
Fireflies all the way
Dancing
Till sunshine came
And they went back
To their resting place.

love is eternal
we move
in and out
out and in
more or less
aware

love
stands
immovable
a statue
gazing
at you

love is eternal
eternity
in love
love
and do
what you will.

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Since I last talked to you? Because it feels like lately all you’ve been doing is yell at me and I stay quiet.
I keep holding back my tears, biting my tongue... I don’t want to look weak, but I don’t want to lash out at you either, so I stay quiet.
Every word you spit in my face, every insult you throw at it… it doesn’t break my bones, but it hurts me in ways I could never have imagined, yet I stay quiet.
Though, lately, they seem to bounce back a lot more than they used to, or maybe my sense of pain has just been dulled, so I stay quiet.

To tell you the truth, you’re not good for me.
You like to beat me up when I’m defenseless.
You tell me my problems don’t matter when I’m hurt.
You call me an attention ***** for reaching out to others.
You confuse me with your mixed signals and overthinking.
You make me feel alone and unloved when I need others the most.

You’ve made me lose motivation to become a better person.

Because maybe I really am that bad. I try to look ahead of me, towards the future, but you keep beckoning me to look back.
At all the mistakes that I’ve made.
And I know, there’s a lot of them, each one worse than the last, but you act as if that’s all I do, as if no one will ever love me because of it.
And the thought of that hurts…
So much.

You’ve left a hole in my heart where my inspiration and motivation used to be, because you keep bashing my work, telling me it will never live up to my expectations. I can’t even begin to count how many of my writings’ deaths you have on your name.

Even right now, when I’m going through a lot already, you just can’t resist to make me feel even worse, can you? Whispering in my ear that I don’t try, even though I do; that I will fail when I need to believe that I will succeed.

But I’m done taking this abuse.
And if you think that means I’ll retaliate, you’re sorely mistaken, because I’m not going to fight fire with fire.
If you think that means I’m finally going to leave you, you couldn’t be more wrong, because I need you more than anything.
No, instead I will love you, because you’re all I have and I am all you have. I hope that one day, we can set our differences aside and work together to be better. You haven’t always been like this and I know that deep inside you’re still the same person I’ve once come to know, the person I’ve once come to love.

So remember, despite everything, I will always love you.

Love,
Alexander

I stare blankly at nothingness,
as my mind travel to darkness.
Slowly I am eaten by loneliness,
loneliness that continuously grab me on the neck.
What did I do to deserve these life.
A life with no light,
a life with no life.