I gave a man everything that I had to give
Money that I barely had
Time I couldn't waste
Decisions I couldn't make
When he lost his peace, I found it and I dragged it all the way back to him
I showed him a different view of the world without even leaving the city
He told me that I was so kind, so sensitive.. he loved it, but noticed that anyone could hurt me.
After a few months and a falling out, I had thought it was best that we don't talk anymore
He said that I was too possessive, too crazy because I didn't want him disrespecting our relationship
He said I was too sensitive and took little things too far
And that's when I began to understand that people will begin to hate those same qualities they used to love about you
It leaves you so unsure of yourself, your personality
I question the values of words
Those soft "I love you's" or "I'm here for you"
It doesn't mean anything to me because people change.
Who knew unconditional love could be so.. conditional?
People don't admit to hurting you and instead.. they go aloft and frame you as if it was all your fault
Convincing yourself you were so toxic in order to alleviate their own guilt
People turn your better qualities against you.. such as kindness and transparency.
Your passion will be overwhelming
Your concern will be possessiveness
Your kindness will be naivity
Your love will be too much.
I've learned that the more intuned you are to their emotions, the better the love will be
We are made to feel, not lock away our emotions
It is how we communicate, how we view the world.. and people
It's how we remind ourselves that we're alive
So nobody is "too sensitive"
In a world where everybody is cold in the heart and
So amazed by living with no emotions
We are viewed as "moody" "possessive" "sensitive"
We need vulnerability, we need people who embrace their own feelings and recognize the weight of them
I resent the idea that I need to change, to harden my feelings just because I might be too complicated for a person to deal with
We like to think that we can just turn off our emotions when we're hurt.. in pain..
We go on and we always lose, because we're not machines.
So I will not change, I'll stay as being too sensitive
Because others can't find it in themselves to appreciate me, doesn't mean that I've lost my worth
I know you're here with me.

To my next boyfriend..

Hi I'm Norah.
I don't like onions and I don't eat pork.
I think you're the most handsome man I've ever talked to
I reiterate things when I mean them
I'm an artist and a big lover
I spend most of my days over-analyzing every thought in my mind
I know I'm weird, but I love that about myself.
I got a big *** head.. but with that I got a big *** heart.
I deal with disorders like depression and ptsd pretty heavily
Sometimes I have really bad anxiety especially in large groups
I have this mindset that everyone is out to get me
Which makes me want to be isolated by myself most times.
I try to learn how much I'm such a contradiction but maybe you'll learn to love this.. part of me.
I don't want this relationship to start on emotions, I need this relationship to start on decisions.
I need you to decide if you truly want me, because emotions can always differ.
I need you to understand that change is going to happen, we are going to change into two different people
And though I am not a fan of change I've come to terms with the action.
This relationship may not end in marriage, and it may not end at all but if it ends.. it ends in peace, not hatred.
I need you to be completely open with me the same way that I need to be completely open with you.
I need you to be understanding because.. some days I don't know myself..so I know I'll be hard to recognize.
I need you to understand that the way I feel about you, is a representation of how kindly you've treated me
With the most respect.. and I need to know, that it will always stay that way.
Otherwise I don't want it.

God has placed you into my life for a reason
There's no way we met with no true meaning.
The way every moment was carefully placed on the timeline.
How any tiny change could've lost our chances of meeting each other.
I'm more than blessed. You are the one person I can rely on.
I know it sounds odd because I've only truly known you for such little time..
It says a lot because everyone else in my life has been unreliable.
I wish you could step into my body, understand my mind
And see how much you mean to me.

I get annoyed by your actions at times
Anxious by the way you word things
The way you act sometimes, as if you don't truly want me..
It *****. It hurts. I know it's just in my thoughts and that's what's worse.

You know I overthink, you know how I can act
I'm not someone you need to "fix"
I'm not someone you need to push past limits **** near every single day
I'm not a person that you need to walk on egg shells to talk to me, but just manage your delivery of statements.
I can take care of myself, I don't need anyone and you know that.

Lately I have been going through so much that I haven't even told you about
And nor do I want to.
I'm just tired and drained by everybody
I'm ready to leave, and be reunited with you.
Seems like that's the only cure I have to how I have been feeling.

Sometimes you act like you know me better than me and you don't.
Many times you push things onto me as if you know me clearly and you don't.
No matter how much you think you know me, about me, and my personality.. you don't.
I'm not clear with you, I'm not transparent with you completely yet and sometimes I don't even want to be.
There's one thing that irks me, and that's anyone thinking that they understand me completely when they're not even close.
I'm not going to tell you how to act, or how to be, that's not my place.
But quit thinking I'm lying all the time and quit believing that everything I tell you isn't true.
It hurts when I feel like I have to prove something to everyone.
But it's ten times worse when I feel that with you.

When I vision you holding me tight in between your arms
Being my shoulder when times may get difficult
My best friend, my lover
I get happy to know
That there is love out there for me
There is someone that sees my worth, and likes me for me.
I'm excited to form new memories with you
Go on dates with you, run errands with you, spend nights with you
Wake up next to you, love on you.
I'm excited to be together with my person, and show him the love that I've been holding inside, ready to burst upon you.
You are a true blessing to me, soon to be my boyfriend.
And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Take my hand
Hold it tight
and let's travel with each other
Beginning with talking about insecurities
Leading on to ****** fantasies
Past the pain that's been brought upon us
Ending with exploring each others souls
Learning each others minds.
I'm ready to go with you to grow with you
You are my feather, my beauty, my soft place in this painful world
You are my withered peace, and though there may be annoying times
Disagreements and harsh discussions..
I'm ready to go through it all with you.
I'm ready for you.
And I mean all of you