The result seems so far removed from all of my efforts to get here
The chase has been accomplished, but....
The void is still unfilled
My head still full of thoughts
The darkness still drips in through the holes
Unsatisfaction
Sorrow still lingers
Why is it so
It's as though I have forgotten all that I put myself through, all my efforts

Weary of standing on the edge of this tight rope, it's getting old
I'm getting old(er)
At some point I have to let go of my conflictions but some things never fall away

My life at present is doing the exact opposite of falling apart
but I still am.

I am in a state again
I cannot decide whether I want to press the blade against my skin for old times sake... Catharsis... I can almost taste that feeling again
Or whether I want to grab my chest and rip myself apart for the contents in this heart of mine to spill so I can expose my actual self

My head is filled with a plethora of incessant thoughts of impending doom
Something is brewing inside of me
The visceral part of me knows it will surface
It will happen, I have resigned myself to the fact
The collapse, the one that will be the end of me.

I can't function as a normal person and I don't know how or when that happened
I am fueled by nothing
It's a miracle I am still breathing
This was never my intention
I did not sign up for this, like everybody else

I feel a part of myself morphing into  that person I never thought I would ever be and now I can't even recognize who I actually am
I am afraid to face myself... face my reality
How much more of myself will I shed before I become someone else completely
Or maybe I'm shedding it all to become what is authentically me
However it is, I just want to feel comfortable in this skin that's apparently, mine.

I am afraid of ambitions becoming a memory
Time is moving fast... Much faster these days
I am scratching away relentlessly from sheer impatience
Waiting for that opportunity to reveal itself.

Woke from reverie
Cinders gathering at my feet
Nothing remains
Misaligned
Rearranged fragments of grace
He is there, still 
Dwelling
In the fissures of memory
Bleeding feigned devotion
I am not there
A ghost town
Where my heart used to be
Crashing melody
Freezing mercury, no more
Violet air in my lungs
These bones of what I used to believe in
I would have ripped through God
To be with him.

Midnight's embrace
It perpetuates
With reckless abandon
It leaks from the cracks
Of this sick foundation
Then it buries without remorse
Nor recourse
These are the catacombs of intention
Is this the last of the blood jet red
The aftermath
Or the interim?
Sneers of anguish inhabit the spaces between panic ragged breaths.

*©The Noose

Serenity under the ripe lurid sun
The steady breeze of air
From the mountain peak
Created sublime hymns
of rebirth and restoration
And filled the chasm in my heart
Through and through

Enclosed in auroras majestic luminescence
Weightless and lionhearted
Unconstrained by trivialities
Of everyday obligations
I pondered on the authenticity
Of new found clarity

As I fed on the tantalizing
aroma of euphoria
I savoured each breath

When I emerged
From the picturesque surrounds
I prayed I had abandoned all my convictions
In the field of yellow stained daffodils

Laboured breaths
The deafening silence
Choosing so delicately opaque words
Strung of frail prospect
Fortifying the ease of hurt

I have seen what the darkness does
When love rears it’s ugly head
That staggered gait
Hands clasped with mine
Resolute in your ambiguity
But you left that night
When the you I knew, withered.

It sat in the viscera that winter
It all did
The unfed energy of madness
The unbridled
Recklessness
Foaming at the mouth
Virulent
Bordered and contained
The ****** footprints
Of choice
Deranged rationalisations
Virulent
Bordered, not contained
Seeping through the fissures of sanity
Tipping at the very edge of reason
Where once blousy hydrangea bloomed
Cradling the night
The gothic hands of time
Stood frozen.

His advances are doused
In ludicrous intensity
And devastating emotion
A sufferer tethered
To puppet strings
Clutching on to the hem of my dress
Consuming each word I say

And I,
Do not care for him.

Your face is the moon
Guiding
These feet
That always tread
Towards the uncharted
In search of home
Distant places
Euphoria
It gathers
Washes up at my feet
Takes root to eager bones

You encircle

My spirit drifts towards these things
Your face is the moon
Gleaming with zeal
The asylum of your arms
Mending the snare
Spliced by old knives
Long forgotten
At the bend of nevermore


You encircle my yearning

The asylum of madness
In the center of winter
Some kind of palpable presence
Forevermore drips down your chin
I am a ship passing in the night.

Some nameless deflation
In the pitch black
The tapestry
Of deceit
Meticulously strung
Of the softest words ever spoken
The dead embrace
A body
A thing
Shrouded in mystery
I care not to unearth
I couldn't love you
You were a small war.

The late afternoon sun
Whose heat dusk would soon to absorb
Sifted through the window
Exposing particles of dust
Lightly strewn on the glistening cement floor
Of the passageway
It must have been September

Daisied grass beneath my feet
Ladybird crawling along my fingertip
A fleet of autumn birds on the wing
Above me in their hundreds
Their remedying cadence
Humming and resonating in my head
It must have been September.

I can only say this to you
While you're sleeping
I drag a tremble
From another realm
Like pulling an endless string
From the throat
My head is a caged animal
Some kind of madness
Coiled around bone
I dangle at the edges
And borders of everything
That wilts
and
You
Say my name
As though you've found grace

The silence knows
The chill
occupying
The chasm within you
Just like the dark knows
Even flickering pale light you possess
Will not save you

Just one more relapse
from settling the score
As the ticking time bomb ticks
These enchanting ***** nights
are numbered.

Daniel,
Wish I was lucid
So I could see clearly now
Dawn has come

The unfed energy
Of palpable madness
Virulent desires
A shallow grave
Where convictions blaze

This last ricochet
burning words for light

Daniel
Wish I was lucid
So I could see clearly now
Dawn has come

I hope you'll have
the strength the clear the road you are on
You are a conquerer
I know you'll have the heart .

You wear the night so well
If the heavens ever did speak
They reiterated endlessly
Of the topography
Of your Irisis
Evoking a gentle bloom
In my chest

Day and night's
Fleeting Collision
Above
the field of dreams
Prairie grass swaying
To the sound of the wind's
Gentle aria
Caressing skin
The sweet scent of the evergreen
Carried in the breeze
Hauntingly
Lingered like a shadow
Stilling
The hue of dusk
Saffron's fade
Igniting bones
Spirit's reprieve
At the edge of August

I am pixelated dust
And your face is the moon
All that you pulsate
Renders me blinded
And bound to the
Elastic tether of want.

Comatose and forgotten
Mutilated with the scalpel of false hope
It exacerbated
Bones are heavy with burden
The soul is raging with words
Entrapped by screaming silence

I had not the courage to write
My blood lacked the stillness
My pen ached to bleed
Words from this mildewed heart
I could not gather my bones
Nor my flesh
Disturbed by the noise in this labyrinth
I have felt like a burst natural disaster
All my viscous remains
Draining away to some forgotten wasteland
Where sorrow breeds
My emotions have been gentle but piercing

It's these roads devoid of landmarks
It's the thorns beneath my feet
The concrete boots strapped onto my ankles
It's the fog and my quivering hands
The want in my veins, how it roars
How on the best of nights
I cannot my life
And ever so often
The murk seeps from my fingernails
All these fragments of grace strewn
Like discarded morality

I have been too distracted in my feeble attempts
To grasp at the pale
My bones gravitate towards the irretrievables
Always
I keep seeing the colour of pearl
Blinding me
Binding me with

These continents
spat me out
The bones never rested
The guts of these frigid borders
Could never
Cradle nor contain
This incorrigible dreamer
At the very bottom of the barrel
Tethered myself to the foundations
Dissolved my whole being
In delicately stitched façades
And probables
Whose emotional resonance
Has long withered
Senseless
All these feet can do
Is chase the bitter winds
Shards of hope
Strewn
Broken compasses
Blinding lights
Tremble, seeth
Drenched in sin
In the centre of
The barren lands where
Sanity fuels the faculties
The ginormous machine
Devoid of soul.

Aimless wander
In the unfathomed depths
I drove into the walls of truth
Disentangled my mind
From the imprudent rationalisation
Of the subjective.