I think I like my reflection;
at least when I’m alone.
But when there’s other people to compare myself to,

And just when I thought I might drown under these waves of sadness,
You showed me how to swim.

When I left, we promised to stay in touch.
I remember for months we’d send emails every day, keeping as close as possible.

On our birthdays we’d post photos of us smiling for all the world to see.
“One of my closest friends” the caption would say.
“I miss you so much” my comment would be.

I seem to have skipped years between then and now, because I  lay awake wondering how we’ve grown so distant.
The last time I emailed you was two years ago, for Christmas. I told you I would call later.
I never did.

I think your birthday was last week. I wouldn’t have known if not for my phone showing me a photo of us at a pool, “seven years ago”, holding plates of cake.
At some point I stopped wishing you a happy birthday, but I can’t remember when.

At some point you stopped telling me your plans for the holidays. At some point I stopped thinking about you every day.
Sometimes I can go months without missing you.
I hate it.

There’s a specific rhythm to dancing
which only a dancer knows.
The thrill of a strong jump,
or a good pointing of the toes.

A tap of pointe shoes on the floor
where usually sounds a thunk,
or the success of a hard spin
when you thought you’d run out of luck.

oh!
my tea has grown cold in the time i have sat here
and dreamed of you.

A foreign feeling- hope?
Is it hope which has settled on me,
after such trials?

I like to think
all these years of schooling and essays and grammar
existed so i could one day adequately describe my Love for you.

Silver rings
lined with gold.
High heeled boots,
fancy coat.
It seems that you have everything but i know it can’t be true.

Brand new phone;
shiny case.
House such a
dreamy place.
I turn away and act like i’m not so jealous of you.

I’ve been content in my small home.
My few possessions, outdated phone.
But to compare our lives is strange to me;
your brand clothes and my hand-me-down hoodie.

my clothes must taste of salt
for all the crying i’ve done today.

i felt this sorrow once before
     when your name spelled patroclus and mine achilles

your little corner of my mind
is a happy place;
the only place i can see you.

we think back to our childhood
the fun we had;
i wish i’d never left.

your little corner of my mind
could be a happy place
but it grows smaller every day

i feel the need to scream
but all ears are turned away.
i move my lips to talk
but the words won’t come today.

the scratch of a pen as it glides across the paper,
ink pooling in the words.
a stain on fingers here and there,
rustling pages full of thoughts.
sunlight filters in through curtains,
settling on the pages like snow on the ground.
ink bleeds through to the blank side of the paper but the pen keeps writing, regardless.

The way my head fits on your shoulder,
Your arm around me like a shield.
It reminds me of when we were younger,
Hiding from the battlefield.

The way your hair falls like a blanket,
Keeping the two of us warm.
Your watchful gaze while i’m asleep
Is what keeps me safe from harm.

We were just kids
Who grew up too fast.
We grew too apart
For our friendship to last.

We laugh and we talk
Like nothing has changed,
But I hear your tone
When you speak my name.

It was all a lie;
The good and the fun
But at least for awhile
It was a good one.

I don’t understand
How one can move on
From a friendship that ended
Before it begun.