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Jun 2020 · 322
Triple threat
Nohémie Jun 2020
They say girls who listen to Jhené Aiko are toxic
And girls who listen to Summer Walker are dramatic
The ones who listen to SZA are eccentric
And the ones who belt out all three are chaotic
But why is it that female emotion is a threat?
Why does female expression make you upset?
Is it because you’re afraid of what’s next?
Of a woman realizing that what she feels towards you is regret?
Of a woman coming to terms with the hell you tried to make her forget?
Of her understanding that you’ll be forever in her debt?
As she grieves her heartache away with Jhené,
Misses you more with Summer,
And realizes her power with SZA,
She becomes an improved version of the woman you never deserved
Just writing about artists that really inspire me!

Hope you're all safe,
Much love,
N.
May 2020 · 143
Childhood memories
Nohémie May 2020
I never used to be that kid that collected anything
No rocks, no pennies,
not even souvenirs
Some even collected diaries
I tried so hard to form a habit of collecting something
So that I could look back to my childhood quirks and think
about the things that made me a kid

I never used to be that kid that collected anything
But I've grown to know that that was a lie
As memory came back, my past caught onto me
Memories started to become clearer, to my demise
Nothing compared to the weight that home carried
Not even my school bag
Turns out, I've always been the kid that collected something
That very thing turned out to be trauma
I hope you're all doing well during quarantine. I wish you all health and safety.
Much love,
N.
Apr 2020 · 186
toxic
Nohémie Apr 2020
I think we're only good when we miss each other
and I'm ok with that
now.
Been discovering a lot through this quarantine. Stay safe.

Much love,
N.
Mar 2020 · 246
never started
Nohémie Mar 2020
I've lost too much of myself to share with you.
Someone was talking about the 'situationship' they had to end with someone and when they said that, that nearly broke me.

I hope you are doing well in these times of panic and fear. I wish you health and prosperity.

Much love,
N.
Nov 2019 · 184
unfair
Nohémie Nov 2019
i'm always the one who hopes while others get to have
life only gives me lessons while others get everything
why can't i have everything?
im always the one who speaks 'it' into existence
while others exist with 'it' without hesitation
why are things limited when it comes to me?
why are my dreams too big for reality?
why can't i have it all?
why is it that when i complain, instead i should stay strong?
why is it that others speak freely and get comforted while i need to stay shut and be quiet?
why is it that my pain has to be bite size while other's pain can cover miles?
why do i have to be the strong one? why do i have to persevere?
why does it always have to be me who has to work hard,
not cry,
persevere,
not cry.
why is it always my blood,
my sweat,
my tears,
but, oh god,
don't cry.
Life has been hard since Septembre and frankly, I'm tired.
Much love,
N.
Oct 2019 · 187
Burn outs
Nohémie Oct 2019
Think about yourself because helping someone else is great but the hurting part, that, you'll do alone.
It has been a long day.

Much love,
N.
Oct 2019 · 315
just a few minutes long...
Nohémie Oct 2019
I found out that with you,
promises were never kept
& forever,
was never long
so, I had to accept
that our love would last for just a song.
I've been writing again. Not my best but I'm happy I'm writing for the sake of writing.
Much love, N.
Oct 2019 · 256
departure
Nohémie Oct 2019
Someone said: it's always easy leaving someone knowing you'll return.
And since then,
I've promised myself that this time, would be the last.
I don't intend on coming back.
I still can't get over those words, they give me chills.
Much love, N.
Aug 2019 · 212
August '19
Nohémie Aug 2019
How much of me can I be without it being too much?
How much of me do I have to be to be enough?
I’ve got problems with managing myself, I've got issues with accommodating myself.
Not one of you can answer those question, not one of you can fix that problem.
The month of August was filled with less ups, more downs but so much growth.

Much love, N.
Jul 2019 · 308
coping...?
Nohémie Jul 2019
All my friends got friends
Every single one of them
I’m afraid I’ll become a hinderance
As opening up might show my lack of strength
All my friends got friends
While all I have is them

So, how do I cope?
How do I reject jealousy when it wants to comfort me?
When it assures me that alliance benefits me?
When it asks me not to resist?
When it’s presence is so enticing, I can feel it’s breath down my neck, intriguing me more than scaring me
How do I cope?
When they get to experience life outside of our ensemble
Get to see corners my sight won’t reach
Because those experiences are unique to their memories
Memories I wasn’t invited or welcomed into
Memories that didn’t make sense for me to inherit
How do I cope?
When anger sneaks into my morning coffee
The heat burning my tongue and leaving me with a lingering bitterness
Stealing my voice and replacing it with its own to yell that only I can provide happiness
For so long, I’ve tried looking for different things from different people
Distributing parts of my trust to different pieces of the puzzles
So that their whole could make me but their individuality couldn’t break me
But what happens if I stopped at two?
What happens if only two pieces to the puzzle held that much power between them?
And why is it that bringing the two pieces of puzzle together left me so lonely?
I've been having a hard month mentally but I'm always trying to be the person I envision myself to be.

Much love, N.
May 2019 · 159
life
Nohémie May 2019
you are your life's quest. the purpose of your life is to figure yourself out. you can spend ages thinking you know yourself but life will put you through situations to let you know you don't. discovering yourself is your mission.
We keep on finding things out about ourselves, no matter what age.
Much love, N.
May 2019 · 274
love.
Nohémie May 2019
love is not just letting go of the memories, the laughs and the past. it's letting go of the present moment and its comfort. it's also letting go of the future and its potential to becoming tangible.
Might've written something similar to this a while back! My friend recently went through a break up and I wanted to write about it.

Much love, N.
Apr 2019 · 163
a story of many gods
Nohémie Apr 2019
I was craving how love could feel,
how intimacy could heal
I tried dating
but ended up wishing
I'd stick with the reoccurring dreams
and their appeal
with their kisses trailing down my thighs,
kissing me goodnight
People started worrying, told me they were praying
People told me to 'let God lead me to him',
to that special person I'd share my life with
'Let God choose him'
Because I seem to lack of good judgment
And soon enough, I fell in love
Jumped, never knowing when I'd hit the ground
God lead me to you and I was found
But now, he might feel inclined to take you back
Like depriving sleep from an insomniac
Because, I fell in love with the God I see in you
and I don't know which one I am supposed to listen to
Apr 2019 · 524
3:04 AM
Nohémie Apr 2019
wouldn't you want to live every day with substance? or is the only substance you know the one you abuse?
questions, questions, nothing but questions.
Mar 2019 · 223
Coughing up petals
Nohémie Mar 2019
you made flowers grow in my lungs
and left without warning me that they
would grow in your absence and
now, you look at me strangely
as I choke on the remains of
what you planted.
I saw the words flowers and lungs and I got inspired.
Much love,
Nohémie.
Mar 2019 · 575
Billy Russo
Nohémie Mar 2019
Jigsaw,
Jigsaw,
All that there ever was
Was a stone cold face with a puzzled heart.
Very random one. As you can see, I'm definitely upset 'The Punisher' got canceled on Netflix.
Much love,
Nohémie.
Nohémie Jan 2019
You said you saw beauty in the things that died
To the objects that chose the afterlife
Like the flowers you forgot to water
As their soft petals swayed their way on the floor first
Then,
They danced their way under the rug, because you swept to check off that chore
And right then and there, in your laziness, I found humour
But I should've left, I should've ran
Knowing that I would soon bring comfort
To those petals of the lonesome flowers
Because it was with those very flowers that you swept me off my feet But it was with those very flowers that you swept me under the rug, gently
Something that was in my draft for a while.
I wish you all a great rest of the week.
Much love,
N.
Jan 2019 · 159
Reasoning voice
Nohémie Jan 2019
I became the person I hated
Longing for the day you’ll notice my absence
Who am I to feel so entitled to your joy?
Maybe it’s because I only saw mine with yours
Questions I asked myself in the past.
Much love,
N.
Jan 2019 · 285
Overdue
Nohémie Jan 2019
I looked at you,
as if you were someone new
and that's when I knew
I had been freed from the blues
that you left me to deal with,
and it was overdue.
Just a few thoughts before I go to sleep.
Much love,
N.
Jan 2019 · 217
lessons.
Nohémie Jan 2019
you were the best thing that could have happened to me in the most horrible ways and,
the end of us was fruitful in lessons,
showing me that my vulnerability should manifest itself in moments of weakness and strength.
Losing you was the biggest gain and I thank your apathy for it all.
I wish you the best, it's true
and I hope you find comfort with the troubles that shake you to your core.
blessings in disguise keep on coming my way and i'm starting to unravel their meaning.

Much love,
N.
Nov 2018 · 208
Choosing me
Nohémie Nov 2018
You’re either here or you're out
Don’t go back in forth into my life
You can’t care
Here and there
Just to ease your peace of mind
This is just a random one I had in my notes
Much love, N.
Nov 2018 · 583
Sunday, November 4th
Nohémie Nov 2018
I just want to feel like the weather felt today
Through the preparations of its usual rituals
Fixing up details for the show

I just want to feel like the sun felt today

As it fought through the blues, the feathery whites and the greys
As we fought through nightmares of struggle, hurdles and pain

I just want to feel like weather felt today

As it prepared for the smiles, the praise
& for the ungrateful complaints
As it reminded us that light could solve the biggest heartaches
Only if we allowed it to stay

I just want to feel like the sun felt today

As it shun through the red, the oranges and the yellow
Reminding us that green was for another tomorrow
That change was amongst us but it was acceptable to wallow
That life works in a cycle

I just want to feel like the weather felt today

As I exited my home, trying to walk it away
Leaving the sunglasses behind, soaking in the light that shun my way
fall autumn sunny day pain changes better positive
Nohémie Oct 2018
I am embracing
The past and its memories
And the future and it’s many possibilities
The disbelief of this dream
That happiness is only when you’re with me
That happiness loses sense as you leave
And I’ve come to understand the power enabled in me
As I realize that happiness will find me
Even without you here
Just a little something while I go back to studying for mid-terms. Wish me luck and have a great rest of the week.

Much love, N.
Sep 2018 · 304
'Home'
Nohémie Sep 2018
home
noun  \ ˈhōm \

Definition of ‘home’
a: one's place of residence
b: a familiar or usual setting: congenial environment; also: the focus of one's domestic attention

• home is where the heart is

Home is a word loaded with meaning, with feeling. The word itself vanishes so quickly into thin air, you’d think it wasn’t even spoken.

Home: a sound of a peaceful hum, of tranquility and peace.

Home is where the heart is,

where the chaos settles, where the stress shouldn’t dare come in. Often, we build ourselves in occupied fields. We plant our walls, furnish our space and sigh joyfully as we sit comfortably thinking home is where another person lives. Our growth becomes dependent of theirs and stops soaring with the limit of their confined being. The space in which their body expands becomes our sky, our limit. Sometimes we lose ourselves in the way that person gets ahead in life, we think their way is the only way and we start to follow. Their words, their mannerisms, their points of view and their habits become our points of reference on how to operate and we lose sight of our individuality. We lose sight of our being.

Home: a soothing sound trapped in a controlled and now, rigid mind. A sound that forgot how to stand tall and leans onto someone to vibrate, to sing.

Have you ever thought about home being yourself? Have you ever thought of living, growing and experiencing things for your own sake? Heal the wounds you’ve looked for people to heal, take care of the seeds you’ve planted in your own garden so that the grass gets greener on your side. Make a home out of yourself, bring back that peaceful hum.
home: somewhere I'm headed back to.
Aug 2018 · 223
Naive
Nohémie Aug 2018
I thought you cared
I thought you wanted me to explain
I thought you cared
But I am no longer worth the same
Your actions have spoken
Priorities have changed
Not a **** question
You laughed in my face
Ignored the whole issue
You sent meaningless phrases
And I'm left thinking
Was this all one sided?
Jul 2018 · 392
Like a God
Nohémie Jul 2018
I wish I was omnipresent
Just like a god of many talents
I have a fear of missing out
Because you seem happier when I’m not around

Insecurities builds an excess of possessiveness
I feel like my absence equates to a worthless self
And so, my grasp loosens
And we dissipate into thin air

I wish I was omnipresent
Just like a god of many talents
I have a fear of missing out
Because you’re able to open up and I am not

It’s my fault, I know
I put all my eggs in one basket
And I made you responsable
Because you’re the one holding the nest
But I couldn’t give you much so you went elsewhere, that’s fair
But you developed bonds at such a rate
And I feel threatened

I wish I was omnipresent
Just like a god of many talents
I have a fear of missing out
Because you’re able to say ‘I love you’ to strangers and I’m not

This dichotomy is quite challenging
Because I’m in a state where I want to see you grow
And for your own sake, that could mean that you need to go
I feel like my presence emphasizes the distance
And that the concept of us was merely quixotic

I wish I was omnipresent
Just like a god of many talents
I have a fear of missing out
And I fear I’ve missed out too much for us to come back
I haven't uploaded in a while but I want to come back.

Great news: I graduated, I have a new job & I have enough money to pay tuition.
Bad news: I'm starting to lose one of my best friends of 7+ years  and I have difficulty coping.

I'll keep you updated.
Much love, N.
Mar 2018 · 427
The Sun, Our love story & I
Nohémie Mar 2018
I like the way you look at 5:16 in the morning
The alarm clock never ceases to ring  
Your pitch blacks and royal blues make their way into my room
To drag me out of the dreams I had in loops

I like the way you look when you rise
When your atmosphere's all confused but still bright
When you shine with confidence
As you've let go of the insecurities with each occurence
When the rays of red, mixes with the blues
When the purple birthed seems hesitant and the pink joins in too
That's when you inspire me the most
When you show yourself through your shambles

I like the way you leave
The way your colours subtilely sneak
The way you are excited to go back
To maybe disappoint the insomniacs and help the most deprived

I like the way everything settles
Like the calm on the ocean's shore
As people find refuge, as people go home
I wait for your return,
While, through my head, the memories of you roam
This is a piece I wrote for a magazine, go check it out!: https://issuu.com/soliloquie
Feb 2018 · 569
Red flags
Nohémie Feb 2018
But when all the red flags lose their pigment
When all the shades of red fade and seem to blend
Into familiar scenes, into familiar objects
And remind me of vibrant sunrise and a flowy sundress
Or of the Valentine's day heart-shape chocolate
It's hard to distinguish them
To pick them apart
And to recognize their alarm
Happy Valentine's day!
Nohémie Jan 2018
It hurts
Not because of the void of today
Not because I no longer get to call your name
But because you know how much of a procrastinator I am
You know, I'm disorganized,
I never plan
My vision has always been vacant

But you want to know why it hurts?
Why my ego and my pride took such a hit, the wounds still burn?
It's because I envisioned a future
I saw you and I, together
I started planning, I created a calendar
Just so our lives could fit better

So, yeah, it doesn't hurt because of the present
Or because of what happened then
It hurts because letting you go meant letting go of our future
Of the only source of certainty in my calendar
Nohémie Jan 2018
There's a part of you that still grows,
within me
But you've been buried deep in soil,
beneath me
Every day, I encounter,
the thought of our possible future
But maybe that was the world's way
Of telling me you weren't meant to stay
Jan 2018 · 413
Greed
Nohémie Jan 2018
I catch myself daydreaming,
about myself but living
In another world
or an alternative universe
I think of all the possibilities
That you and me could be
Of all the scenarios
Where our paths would come close
I think of what if I was a San Francisco native?
Or what if I had build my life in Paris?
When would we meet?
When would you fit?
Because if I'm resurrected
If I come back from the dead
I would want you, guaranteed
Ain't that some greed?
Jan 2018 · 198
Strangers in the mirror
Nohémie Jan 2018
I don't know who I am when I'm with you
But ****,
It feels so good to be that person for a day or two
Dec 2017 · 213
Reminder #1
Nohémie Dec 2017
Be independent in every single thing that you do
Through independence, people will learn to respect you
Do what you have to do and the success and the recognition will follow on their own. Stay busy and stay focused.
Dec 2017 · 513
Wolf | Lion
Nohémie Dec 2017
I thought I knew you
But you were just aloof
They said: he's lone wolf, lone wolf
But I say: he's more like lion, look at the proof
Sneaking, reaching for what he desires
Him and mercy have never met in person
Dec 2017 · 486
Power
Nohémie Dec 2017
There's power to the almost
To the action of leaning in but containing yourself enough to avoid
There's power to letting go
To prioritizing what's rightful,
Instead of focusing on what felt wrong
To put your feelings aside,
To focus on disciplining your mind
There's power to not allowing yourself to even imagine it
To soak up all the knowledge acquired through time and its period
And rather than act as a hero, to dodge the bullet
Dec 2017 · 1.6k
Déjà vu
Nohémie Dec 2017
You'll meet again
And he'll keep you at arms length
Making sure you're not too close to his heart
But not too far from his touch
Tell you words you've melted for before
But words that, for you, he'd never felt at all
Nov 2017 · 275
Happier you with me
Nohémie Nov 2017
To be the bigger person
I said I wanted you to be happy
But I meant that I wanted you to choose me
Because I always thought happy would be with **me
Nohémie Nov 2017
We're like the ocean and space
Two different entities that from afar, gaze
Two entities admired for our greatness
Elements of unknown and mysteries are what we possess
Our deep rooted issues are always hidden secrets
And you love in waves but I love with distance
And we love each other despite our incoherence
Nov 2017 · 2.3k
Reset
Nohémie Nov 2017
What do you regret?
What would you want to reset?*

"To the day we met,
Not* to get to meet you again,
But to make our paths parallel."
Nov 2017 · 393
Questions for my father
Nohémie Nov 2017
He looked at me with disgust
I was surprised he had the guts
But in the midst of my tears
I was struck with a sudden realization, a question had appeared
Was he disgust with me become of who I am?
Because of the way I carry myself?
Or was he disgusted with the creation that was his?
Was he disgusted to think that I had a little bit of him, that we shared similar mannerisms?
Nov 2017 · 537
Desires | Necessities
Nohémie Nov 2017
You submit yourself to a lifestyle
You guarantee yourself to a good time
Where love and lust only share a letter in common
Where their uncommon association is their juxtaposition
Where both can live in dimensions that are parallel
But you won't be saved by the bell
It rings to say that you're lying to yourself
But you won't be saved by the bell
It yells to tell you that it doesn't suit you well
You need to realize that love and lust share more than you wish they did
That both combined make up what you need
That lust alone makes you think of love
Even in the most meaningless and heated moments of fun
And that love alone makes you think of lust
Even in the most intimate moments of affection
Nov 2017 · 349
November
Nohémie Nov 2017
I'm more than just November
I'm more than just remplacement, I'm important
You look for her in other woman
And I know I just fit the description
but,
I'm more than the warmth holding you tight at night
Because you still haven't gotten used to not having her around
You say it's past history
But she was your whole beginning
She walked along you with the fall of leaves
With them turning from green
To other colours that couldn't relate to my envy
She was there for Halloween
And the costume and the festivities
And I'm just November, right in the center
I'm just the one in between
Interfering
Nohémie Oct 2017
I'm not pretty

Not like the other girls
I'm not pretty, not in this world

I'm not beautiful*

While my friends exude this aura of supermodels
I'm stuck, cursing myself for not being invisible

I'm not pretty

While my friends sit around the table
Sharing, yet again, their *** escapades and those fables
I realize that not one single guy has taken interest in me
I know I shouldn't live life with this attitude, with this constant self-loathing
But it isn't just a sudden thought
It's in the pit of my stomach, like a knot
It's the foundation to all of my buried epiphanies
It's the root to all of my deepest insecurities

I'm not pretty

And I don't know if I'm meant to be
Oct 2017 · 942
L O S T
Nohémie Oct 2017
The traits you once considered d e l i c a t  e
Are now traits I should e r a d i c a t e
As you r u i n e d aspects of myself I didn't even know existed
As you brought to the surface
A yearning d e p e n d e n c e
As our soul intertwined,
As your path met with m i n e
I got caught up in the midst
Of the combination of our substance
And in the midst of it a l l ,
I l o s t a sense of myself.
Nohémie Oct 2017
You don't know how to express your feelings
You beg for me to let you help me
But dismiss when water pours out of my skin
You shame me for not wanting your help
Make me feel guilty about your incompetence
You force what you think upon me
Thinking I'm ungrateful if I'm not smiling
I no longer bite my tongue
I no longer talk through my teeth
I've had enough
Letting you steal my peace
I've reminded you countless times
I don't think I'm above you for roaming through life alone
I've shared with you hundred of times
There's no choice,
You haven't shown me that there's trust
So I'll do it on my own
Oct 2017 · 416
'Me too'
Nohémie Oct 2017
.
It's crazy how the human race empathizes
We have to create imaginary relations to women, daughters, sisters and wives
It's crazy how we generate information into our database
From generation to generation, our thoughts are outdated
W e  n e e d  t o  d o  b e t t e r
To consider women as much more than ****** pleasures
W e  n e e d  t o  d o  b e t t e r
To recognize that without women, life cannot be birthed on Earth
And even if they can't provide life
And even if they chose to abstain from that path
There's no reason for you to disrupt the peace in their eyes
You just don't get to decide
Because women don't owe you anything
There's nothing in it for you, no feeling of entitlement
Women have the right to be considered as humans
And to live,
Free of your actions, your compliments and your comments
.
Oct 2017 · 333
The problem with good days
Nohémie Oct 2017
As my weeks are filled with good days
A sudden thought surfaces into my brain
What if my good days are numbered?
What if I couldn't be granted more by the Universe?
Just like we have 180 days of school
I've got a certain number of good
What if as they happen continuously, regularly
Bad days are to come, to disrupt my routine?
And now, every time I have a good day
I think about how there must be another planet in retrograde
And worry about tomorrow's sake
Oct 2017 · 442
Inn-dependence
Nohémie Oct 2017
I don't need your bed
I've got my own room
I don't need your key
I've lived here since June

I've looked out the window,
Seen the sky in it's various states
I didn't mind about the wait
It made the sorrow go away

I've picked up a new hobby
As I sat in the lobby
To distract me of the sight
Of your insatiable appetite

I've avoided that floor
I've grown to like dismissing you, to ignore
Because you disable my progress,
Because you instigate my distress

But I've learned to gain confidence by the stairs
As I distanced myself from where you sat, on that chair
Because you use the elevator like you use people
You need to put weight on others to bring yourself up, on another level
Oct 2017 · 222
Fire to the rain
Nohémie Oct 2017
You were the rain, he was the fire
Although you had the power to diminish his light, you decided to let him shine brighter
As his head left his shoulders, as his flames soared higher
You forgot how much your tears could hold,
How much power was within your flow
You forgot about your voice,
About the strength within your core that came from up above and drenched the soils
You forgot about your own existence,
About your persistence
And now, you no longer smoke cigarettes
You flinch at the scent and your back is soaked with cold sweat
You remind yourself that you are the rain that flooded forest fires
But yet,
You still flinch at the sight of a lighter
Oct 2017 · 270
Colours
Nohémie Oct 2017
I'm not ready to make it real yet, not ready to make it tangible yet
I don't even know what it is yet, I'm just certain that I'm frigthened
I convince myself that it isn't sacred,
That it has nothing to do with my faith
I convince myself that it'll go away and I'll be able to escape
Truthfully though, I don't even know what to do
Truthfully though, I don't want to allow myself to say it out of the blue
It could burn the images I've tried to build
Burn the comfort I've succeeded to achieve
With a fire vibrating shades of orange and red
Dismissing all the tears I've shed
But with that pool of purple, I wouldn't know how to handle it
I'd be rewarded with courage
But would still be bitter about the wounds, the damage
I don't even know what it is yet, I'm just certain that I'm scared
I don't know of what or of who,
Of how or of when
But I just know that I think about it until the days end
It shouldn't be so complicated and yet, here I am,
Incapable of admitting to myself who I really am

— The End —