My head hurts from crying Pounding to the rhythm of my heartbeat I wish I could stop, but tears keep falling And suddenly I’m standing in a puddle A puddle of liquid memories, seeping through my eyes Like I’m a great vessel for great love, great misery The scent of your shirt filled with cigarette smoke, and the gentle coarseness of your beard forces its way to my consciousness And how am I meant to be happy now? How can things ever be the same? I can’t feel your heartbeat against my cheek Nor your lips on the top of my head How much can a human take? Because having to leave you was even harder than last time And there’s not much left of me to break.
I need you to love me The looks that you give me The kisses on my head The way that you hold me It’s everything and not enough Because you don’t love me And that’s all I need in the world. I need you to be with me To never leave again Happiness is short-lived Your love has a shirt timespan. You can break me in pieces and say that you hate me You can tear me apart to the core You can heat up my skin and freeze down my blood As long as you say that I’m yours. I know that it’s selfish I know that it’s not fair But I really need you to love me But your love is million dollar rare.
I close my eyes and return to you I return to the memories we have The ghosts of your soft gaze I forget and re-remember things, over and over Like how you wink when you say something cheeky How you warm your hands on mine How you do the dishes in your underwear How your hug feels like it could fit an entire world And I feel the little fire in my chest grow larger Smoke seeping through my skin Because I remember how much I miss you I miss seeing your face I miss feeling your scent I miss not being lonely Because my bed will always be cold As long as you’re not here.
Happy memories are stingrays now Thinking of when you drunkenly called me from your friend’s bathtub When you only wanted to be with me at that party Not with your friends When you looked into my eyes and made me feel at home Like I belonged somewhere Like I belong in your arms In the warmth of your laughter In the softness of your skin And only to you. I try not to remember talking to you until we were half asleep Or drunkenly arm wrestling Or your hands in my hair Your heat colliding with mine Creating a bond between two passions But when I see you with him Not only is it all I can think of It is all I can live Because your love Is all I can be.
The bliss of a good day is gone A calm, dull darkness spreads in me I don’t really feel sad I don’t feel scared or worried Neither excited nor happy Actually, I don’t feel much at all I just exist in some twisted, tiresome way My head hurts of bad sleeping habits And too little food And I’m still wearing my tights pants I never had the energy to take them off My house is a mess and my kitchen is weary But how can I clean when I can’t catch the glimpse of an energy boost Not even a hint of a little hopefulness How can I do things when I can barely keep myself awake? My life is good and generally, I’m happy But every time I set foot in this cursed apartment It all comes back to me, like a light switch And suddenly - All that joy is gone And what remains is merely a blanket from the past.
The achy feeling in my chest is back The mere thought of you with him With anyone Breaks me just enough to see the pain in between the cracks in my skin Could you really have all that with him? And if he gets to be near you If he gets to feel the warmth of your body Instead of me I don’t think I can handle it The memories will be needles The ghost of your touch will be flames And that is too much for me Just let me be your everything Too.
I put on my pretty fairy lights and lit some candles One of my favourite movies is on the TV I have a bowl of popcorn in my lap It’s a cozy Sunday evening and my birthday is next week But in my head, thoughts are racing so fast I can’t tell them apart I feel guilty for being so intense And I wonder if any of these feelings are normal I wonder why I can’t relax I wonder why I can’t stop convincing myself that you don’t like me anymore Why can’t I stop interpreting your momentary silence as you leaving. Leaving. That’s a scary word. I cry a little when I think of it I delve deeper and deeper into the pit of fear and cry even more And suddenly I find myself praying about a situation I don’t know if exists Stargazing to take my mind off of events I don’t know if have happened And I wonder: “How do other people deal with this?” How do other people deal with falling in love Without the sky falling with them?