It's like drowning in water
but you're still breathing air.
The clenching in your stomach,
makes it too hard to scream.
It's like talons clawing at the inside of your body.
You feel like your heart will stop at any moment,
and you start to think,
maybe it will be easier that way.
It consumes your mind and forces its way,
into your unsuspecting thoughts.
It takes your sleep and won't let you eat,
capturing your attention for its own use.
It's everywhere you look.
It's the only thing you feel.
It's the blood coursing though your veins,
and the skin covering your bones.
It's the monster hiding under your bed,
or living in the depths of your closet.
It's the darkness that has become your life.
**And you can't escape.

The sadness that I feel,
I hope it shows itself to you.
And the pain that's in my eyes,
I hope to God you see it too.
Cause He knows as well as I do,
That I can't take much more;
My heart is growing tired and my limbs are getting sore.
All this constant climbing and the running back and forth;
Attempts to free myself from here,
Have done nothing of the sort.
It's sad to say, but must be said:
In truth it's I who wants me dead.
But you,
You're not so innocent,
In fact you're just as bad.
The gun pressed to my temple,
It's resting in your hand.
It's true I pulled the trigger,
But your bullet pierced my head.
The ****** thing sat there empty and un-lethal till your thoughts,
Filled the chamber one by one;
My life against the odds.

Empty.
That is how I feel.
There is an enormous hole in the center of my body.
I feel incomplete, and as to why?
I haven't the slightest idea.
My mind is unsure whether this state,
This black abyss,
Is more painful than the sadness, guilt, or anger,
Or perhaps all of them combined.
These other emotions have not gone,
No, I would be a fool and liar to say something as ridiculous as that.
I am saying only that the blank space in my being is drowning them out.
However not in a pleasant way.
Sometimes I wonder if I am trying to bury the pain again,
Like I did once before;
Covering it up until I think it is no more,
But only more pain and suffering will come to my broken body.
Only more confusing feelings,
Only more tainted and lost thoughts.

Everyone looks at me with high hopes,
Overcome by their own needs to realize,
That I am slowly dying inside.
All that I do is for them,
so that I,
A worthless being,
may feel that I am not a complete waste of space.
But even after the hard labor of pleasing everyone,
I still feel as useless as before.

We as people can take a lot from plants.
If plants were to speak, they would remain silent;
for they truth is, they have nothing to say.
They have nothing to worry their feeble lives with;
They fear nothing and accept everything.
And most importantly, they accept death.
Everyday they get closer to death,
even watch as parts of them die.
But it does not quit.
The plant fuels the part of it that still lives,
despite the rest of its broken body.
That is what we must learn:
We must continue to live no matter how hurt we are,
yet when the time comes for Death to take our hand,
we should cherish its touch and leave-
with nothing more than happiness.

Funny** how it takes years to build up your self esteem.
How it takes constant mental reminders to sustain your self confidence;
How it takes all your strength to keep hold of a positive thought.
And yet,
All it takes is one second for it to crumble apart,
One hesitant thought to turn everything into a lie,
One weak moment for you to lose faith;
And there isn't a thing you can do to get it back.

This feeling,
this **** feeling of emptiness is returning.
I can feel it again;
**** it I can feel it again!
Why? Why now? When everything was going so well?
There once was a time I thought I would never be free.
But now that I have tasted the sweet air of relief,
You're back.

Her smile so fake and pathetic,
but no one cares enough to look through it.
Can't you see she's tearing herself apart?
Just trying to discover what her life is about?
Cause all they do is muddle her thoughts till she's empty and broken,
right back to the start.
Her eyes have been blinded from the acid that drips,
from every word that is spoken by their grinning red lips.
Hiding from the monster she made in her mind,
her reflection's nothing more than a beast in disguise.
There's no praying for the hopeless,
No wishing for the broken.
She's all alone in the dark asking her inner demon,
How to carry on, how to keep on going,
Cause he's the only one who stops and stays to listen.
Ms. Sorrow, Ms. Broken, Ms. All-Your-Words-Unspoken,
please keep fighting on.
In the end it'll all be gone.
But something doesn't quite make it across,
Through translation the words are lost.
They say, *Darling your sinking, Babe you're going down,
Honey you're drowning and it's something you can't doubt.
Just give up now, just stop the fight,
You're gonna lose, but that's alright.

Nothing holds and nothing stays,
The best of things always fade.
At night her thoughts come out to play:
A spirit in the scenes she made.