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868 · Aug 2013
Loosing the Battle
Nikki Aug 2013
Her smile so fake and pathetic,
but no one cares enough to look through it.
Can't you see she's tearing herself apart?
Just trying to discover what her life is about?
Cause all they do is muddle her thoughts till she's empty and broken,
right back to the start.
Her eyes have been blinded from the acid that drips,
from every word that is spoken by their grinning red lips.
Hiding from the monster she made in her mind,
her reflection's nothing more than a beast in disguise.
There's no praying for the hopeless,
No wishing for the broken.
She's all alone in the dark asking her inner demon,
How to carry on, how to keep on going,
Cause he's the only one who stops and stays to listen.
Ms. Sorrow, Ms. Broken, Ms. All-Your-Words-Unspoken,
please keep fighting on.
In the end it'll all be gone.

But something doesn't quite make it across,
Through translation the words are lost.
They say, *Darling your sinking, Babe you're going down,
Honey you're drowning and it's something you can't doubt.
Just give up now, just stop the fight,
You're gonna lose, but that's alright.
I was thinking about making this into some kind of song, but I decided to put what I had so far on here...
810 · Oct 2013
Anxiety
Nikki Oct 2013
It's like drowning in water
but you're still breathing air.
The clenching in your stomach,
makes it too hard to scream.
It's like talons clawing at the inside of your body.
You feel like your heart will stop at any moment,
and you start to think,
maybe it will be easier that way.
It consumes your mind and forces its way,
into your unsuspecting thoughts.
It takes your sleep and won't let you eat,
capturing your attention for its own use.
It's everywhere you look.
It's the only thing you feel.
It's the blood coursing though your veins,
and the skin covering your bones.
It's the monster hiding under your bed,
or living in the depths of your closet.
It's the darkness that has become your life.
**And you can't escape.
782 · Nov 2014
All As One
Nikki Nov 2014
When once looks at nature,
the eyes must be careful not to blink;
For  once they blink, everything changes.
A creature that lives to be over-looked,
lives hidden within the plant's breast.
They are together;
They are one;
They are respected by each other.
Both are children of Nature,
and when they die, they will become one once more.
Forever will they be born and die again,
coming back in a cycle that never has an end.
this was for a project in English class where we had to pretend we were a Transcendentalist. This tenet was for "Everyone is Part of the Oversoul"
777 · Aug 2013
Expectations
Nikki Aug 2013
Everyone looks at me with high hopes,
Overcome by their own needs to realize,
That I am slowly dying inside.
All that I do is for them,
so that I,
A worthless being,
may feel that I am not a complete waste of space.
But even after the hard labor of pleasing everyone,
I still feel as useless as before.
605 · Aug 2013
Digging a Filling Hole
Nikki Aug 2013
Empty.
That is how I feel.
There is an enormous hole in the center of my body.
I feel incomplete, and as to why?
I haven't the slightest idea.
My mind is unsure whether this state,
This black abyss,
Is more painful than the sadness, guilt, or anger,
Or perhaps all of them combined.
These other emotions have not gone,
No, I would be a fool and liar to say something as ridiculous as that.
I am saying only that the blank space in my being is drowning them out.
However not in a pleasant way.
Sometimes I wonder if I am trying to bury the pain again,
Like I did once before;
Covering it up until I think it is no more,
But only more pain and suffering will come to my broken body.
Only more confusing feelings,
Only more tainted and lost thoughts.
568 · Nov 2014
Break Away
Nikki Nov 2014
Each stem growing into its own separate life force,
connected with others, yet fulfilling a solitary and self reliant lifestyle. Never will they forget their roots
or the growth in which they broke the surface together.
Instead they will use these to form themselves into the independent branch that sustains its own-self.
Although they began as one,
time has taught them to go in different directions.
However, even then, together they create a beautiful picture of life and peace.
We are all connected with one another but that does not mean we must all be the same, or rely on anyone but ourselves.
After all, even the road must diverge at some point.
this was for a project in English class where we had to pretend we were a Transcendentalist. This tenet was for "Rely Upon Yourself"
530 · Aug 2013
As Clear As Mud
Nikki Aug 2013
Silent yet loud,
She expresses her emotions differently,
But they area all too busy to decipher the codes she leave behind.
Her desire is to be found and saved,
But they grow tired of searching for her as she hides away in her tower.
She wants to speak out,
But she doesn't know how to say the right words to make them stop.
There is something in her that wants to give up and run,
But there is someone in the crowd that would care...
...Right?
497 · Nov 2014
Fear Not
Nikki Nov 2014
We as people can take a lot from plants.
If plants were to speak, they would remain silent;
for they truth is, they have nothing to say.
They have nothing to worry their feeble lives with;
They fear nothing and accept everything.
And most importantly, they accept death.
Everyday they get closer to death,
even watch as parts of them die.
But it does not quit.
The plant fuels the part of it that still lives,
despite the rest of its broken body.
That is what we must learn:
We must continue to live no matter how hurt we are,
yet when the time comes for Death to take our hand,
we should cherish its touch and leave-
with nothing more than happiness.
this was for a project in English class where we had to pretend we were a Transcendentalist. This tenet was for "Do Not Fear Death"
494 · Aug 2013
Too Much
Nikki Aug 2013
I'm getting ahead of myself I know.
I'm sorry, but that's how it happens.
My mind is a bunch of mumbled up thoughts,
But is that really my fault?
Well to you everything is my fault.
I forgot.
I forgot that you don't care.
I forgot that you have things to do. Better things.
I forgot that I'm not good enough for you.
I forgot that this is dragging you down too.
I forgot that this is too much for you to handle.
I forgot that you don't understand.
I forgot that you don't care what happens.
I forgot that to you, I'm over exaggerating.
Well I really have to admit something.
I didn't forget.
I couldn't.
Everything you said burned into my skin,
Burned into my thoughts.
It went so deep, your thoughts became mine.
Soon i began to realize.
I realized that I am over exaggerating.
I realized that I'm not good enough.
I realized that I am a burden.
I realized that no one cares.
And most importantly,
I realized that I'm done.
462 · Feb 2014
Funny Isn't It
Nikki Feb 2014
Funny** how it takes years to build up your self esteem.
How it takes constant mental reminders to sustain your self confidence;
How it takes all your strength to keep hold of a positive thought.
And yet,
All it takes is one second for it to crumble apart,
One hesitant thought to turn everything into a lie,
One weak moment for you to lose faith;
And there isn't a thing you can do to get it back.
431 · Aug 2013
Back to Hell
Nikki Aug 2013
Trapped in the cage of hell,
Locked within four bland walls.
Strapped down with no one to tell,
Feeling the need to escape, to crawl,
Past the strangers, away from life;
Disappear from view from sight.
Run until you're lost and gone,
Keep yourself from doing wrong.
My sanity slips like water through cracks,
Slowly vanishing and not coming back.
Fighting to protect ones I love,
But it's a loosing battle that can't be won.
416 · Aug 2013
Shattering Broken Glass
Nikki Aug 2013
The words I'm disappointed in you
Do you realize how hard they hit?
Don't you understand that I can't afford to hear those words spoken to me?
Because they just continue to break me,
Like another thin crack in glass:
Seeming small but enough to crumble,
What has already been shattering.
But don't let this fool you.
There are many other cracks too,
However no one knows if it is your thin words to make me finally break.
356 · Aug 2013
Prey
Nikki Aug 2013
The darkness that lives within our mind,
That lingers in our veins,
Devours our heart and claims the soul
As its very own.
339 · Jun 2014
It's Back
Nikki Jun 2014
This feeling,
this **** feeling of emptiness is returning.
I can feel it again;
**** it I can feel it again!
Why? Why now? When everything was going so well?
There once was a time I thought I would never be free.
But now that I have tasted the sweet air of relief,
You're back.
333 · Aug 2013
Oblivion
Nikki Aug 2013
They ask me questions;
Ones I cannot possibly hope to answer.
How can you?
The questions: What's wrong? or Are you okay?,
They have no answer.
Because they will never understand no matter how long you speak.
Their oblivion protects them from the ugly, painful truth;
The truth that there is more behind the smiles,
And that we have to live with it.
328 · Aug 2013
Screams In My Head
Nikki Aug 2013
I think it is time to give up,
Because everyday I can feel the pain of my soul and heart crumbling apart.
The sound of my own silent screams -
And that voice in my head-
Are telling me the truth;
But from experience,
Ignoring it does not make it any less the truth or even stop,
It only makes them louder.
With the voices getting louder,
And my being getting smaller,
We both know who will end up on top.
307 · Aug 2013
Fate
Nikki Aug 2013
Shattered glass along the floor,
The smiles and laughter are no more.
Her beauty lies where she can't see,
But without her sight she can't believe
That on the inside there is more
Than tears and skin that has been torn.
The darkness eats the golden light,
All through the day internal fights,
Of whether she deserves to live;
The peace of death is all God can give.
But could she take those sleeping pills,
Or tie that rope that only kills?
Could she really die in peace
When she knows her mother's life will cease
Once her foot hangs loose and free?
What will she choose her fate to be?
306 · Aug 2013
Let Go
Nikki Aug 2013
The scars she hides under her sleeve,
The smile she uses to fool the lot;
That withering soul that no one sees
Forces her to tie the knot.
A life reflecting before her eyes,
The tears stream down like a waterfall.
A silent room filled with silent cries,
Disgusted with the things she saw.
All she wants is relief and peace,
To let this anger and sadness release.
299 · Feb 2014
Little Mary
Nikki Feb 2014
Mary was a little girl,
Little girl, little girl
Mary was a little girl
Whose thoughts were dark as coal.
Her demons chased her day and night
Day and night, day and night
Her demons chased her day and night
And twisted up her soul.
294 · Feb 2014
Deadly Thoughts
Nikki Feb 2014
The sadness that I feel,
I hope it shows itself to you.
And the pain that's in my eyes,
I hope to God you see it too.
Cause He knows as well as I do,
That I can't take much more;
My heart is growing tired and my limbs are getting sore.
All this constant climbing and the running back and forth;
Attempts to free myself from here,
Have done nothing of the sort.
It's sad to say, but must be said:
In truth it's I who wants me dead.
But you,
You're not so innocent,
In fact you're just as bad.
The gun pressed to my temple,
It's resting in your hand.
It's true I pulled the trigger,
But your bullet pierced my head.
The ****** thing sat there empty and un-lethal till your thoughts,
Filled the chamber one by one;
My life against the odds.
280 · Nov 2014
Whats the Point?
Nikki Nov 2014
Have you ever stopped to wonder,
to ponder about the brevity of life?
For when we die,
We will spend more time in the Earth
than we are ever able to lived on It.
Nikki Aug 2013
Nothing holds and nothing stays,
The best of things always fade.
At night her thoughts come out to play:
A spirit in the scenes she made.
Nikki Aug 2013
The problem with running,
Is that no matter how fast or far you run,
You can never outrun yourself.
257 · Feb 2014
The Nightmare of Reality
Nikki Feb 2014
When she's awake,
She cries,
For she's back in reality.

— The End —